Hi PurpleRain24,
Your post really resonates with me and my relationship to my uBPD mom. I’m wondering many of the same things, and will be following this thread to see other more experienced members’ responses.
I’m sorry I can’t really add any helpful suggestion, but I hear you and empathize with your situation fully.
On Mother’s Day (predictably), I had a big fight with my mom that left me feeling extremely angry and bitter. She called the next day to “see how I was” , but, as always, there was zero acknowledgement of her role in the misunderstanding or apology for her irrationally explosive behavior.
From what I’m gathering here at the forum, BPDs are shockingly oblivious to how their behavior affects others, perhaps especially loved ones. If anything, people seemingly on the margins of their relationship spheres seem to get way more attention and thought (disproportionately so), whereas those “closest” to them must completely put aside their own feelings and needs to accomodate BPD’s every whim, childlike temper tantrums and attention-seeking outbursts.
Put simply, it sucks and is extremely emotionally draining. It literally takes me days to recover. It all hurts so much, especially when you realize it’s coming from your OWN MOTHER.
Best of luck with everything, I wish you well