Hi Chicopee and a warm *welcom*
The pain you're going through sounds intense. The highs of that relationship were probably pretty high, and the lows sound pretty low. That's a lot to experience.
A lot of times, making sense of a breakup where BPD might be involved ends up being less about making sense of
them, and more about making sense of
us. Turning the spotlight on ourselves is sometimes a novel thing to do. It's so easy to be distracted by "why did she do X, she said A but then B, she said I was the love of her life and then treated me like trash"... we can spend time on trying to "decipher" them when the real puzzle might be us, and what led us to that relationship.
Like you said, you're hoping to find a community that "gets it" and can walk with you as you learn to cope. That's definitely this group
![Being cool (click to insert in post)](https://www.bpdfamily.com/message_board/Smileys/default/smiley-05.gif)
BPD relationships and breakups have an out-of-the-norm intensity and we'll be here for you as you process.
A couple of good places on the site to check out are our Tools/Skills threads on
After The Breakup, and our article on
Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has Borderline Personality. If you have a chance, take a look at those -- what stood out to you?