I have been talking to this UBPD girl for months, and we admitted we had feelings for each other.
We have had silly disagreements over messages in recent weeks, where she has been irrational and misinterpreted things (I have shown these messages to trusted friends and my Mum who all say "that's not a normal response...."). In her head, these little things she accuses me of are HUGE things and "everything is a mess!" (e.g. I didn't look grateful enough for a gift, which she said made her feel "discarded" and "destroyed")
UBPD started to detach the last week after all this drama, was more distant, slower to respond to messages, not going on whatsapp after her evening shift (we used to talk all night every night) - just like she has had enough.
We spent the weekend away together, pre-planned - she was very "friendsy" rather than relationship-like - so I guess I should ignore the BPD part and just read the signs! She's just not interested! However, I should also point out that her mental health seemed really off, she seemed detached, zoned out, not herself...like she was in a daze? Like there was no connection there, whereas usually in person we bounce off each other. Something was just off - she had that weird glazed look?
The next night when I had returned home, she seemed determined to create an argument over text - maybe just a reason to fall out rather than anything BPD? She ranted on for an hour about my ex, I tried to reassure, change subject - everything - asked questions - but her line of attack just kept coming - repeated messages on the same theme, I'm a mug, I need help, I'm being rinsed etc.
I flipped (usually very calm) and texted back "You're the one who needs help, you're trying to control a situation that isn't yours to sort - why do you care anyway? We're not even together!"
She then said she was going to bed, and I said "Ok, night".
The next day she ignored my message checking how she was.
She ignored the next day's message too - saying "hope you're ok"
I waited a few more days and did a final try, using SET, saying I cared, I know she is feeling angry with me right now, but I want to get back to the closeness we had, and if she didn't feel the same, to know that the past few months were really special to me.
Her response was to say she had been quiet due to feeling unwell (so, almost denying the fact she was angry?), to say she hoped I was doing ok, and lastly said "Thanks, I am glad you have enjoyed some parts about these past months, I have too x". (So, playing down the fact I said these past months were really special to me, and the fact she changed it so "some parts", though she added a kiss?)
She has now seemingly gone off social media, which she has told me she has done before when she is stressed out/understanding can't be reached with people. She does this thing where she goes AWOL. She hasn't been online in over 36 hours (very unlike her) and I can still see her "Last seen" status so I'm not blocked.
So I guess my question is, how do I know whether she's going through a BPD related "episode" right now or whether it's just a normal relationship not working type thing, it just wasn't meant to be?
I'm really unsure what to do. If she genuinely just has gone off me, fair enough. But if it's the BPD pushing me away - I want to reassure her and support her. For now, I have just messaged (earlier) saying "how are you feeling today? Still poorly?" (with a little hug emoji) She hasnt read it, as not online.
Any thoughts, wise people? Thank you
