I'm posting this to help someone deep in a BPD relationship.

How many of us proactively terminated a BPD relationship because it was the healthy thing to do (as opposed to just dealing with the inevitable end).  

How many of us are spurned lovers?  We keep trying to make it work... one more time.

Please share how your relationship actually ended.

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See list of all romantic relationship surveys

I had a friend I suspect has BPD - meets most of the criteria.

I hung in there for a long time but when she informed me how I had enabled her to live the life she has been living, that she couldn't understand how anyone could count on me, etc., etc... .I felt like she slapped my face and I realized, lightbulb moment, that I never mattered to her; our friendship only existed in my mind.

We were back and forth for a long time (4 years) but I decided it was enough. I know I didn't fail - I was a good friend, I just picked someone that was a shell to help... .

Well, I moved out when my ex left to meet her online "soulmate" in another state... .She had broken up with me while she was serving in Kuwait (at Christmas time). I wanted to wait until she came back to move, because I expected her to buy me out of the house.

She came back in July and left for the soulmate after being back a week... .When reading her E-mails, I read that she planned to evict me and our son as soon as she got back... .I didn't wait around, I moved in 48 hours... .Not only did she keep all the equity, she reported my car stoled, so I was forced to give it back... .

We're still in limited contact because of our son, but that should end soon... .We're going to mediation this month and that should end it all... .

still with my W

been together for a lonnng time ,almost 25 years,

committed

sometimes i think i should be committed !

things are a lot better but it will be good when she stops lapsing into poor little victim

were working on it

nothing is going to change, so trying to get away.

he's 'left' so many times i can't count.  usually we go thru a close, warm, loving period and then he emails me (yes. really -- and we've been together for 2+ years !) and tells me it's over because he doesn't love me anymore.  a few times he slept with his ex (who he left because he said she was a "pathetic loser" because of his looney "sexual impulses" and complete inability to be alone.

i usually go back to try to stabilize things, fix it, work it out... .blah, blah, blah... .not this time.  i SO deserve better.  n/c no matter what.

   


    Still married to Tina, for over 30years.

    Mark

   Skip,

   I don't know if you can really cope with BPD? Either us nons or the ones who have it.

   The only reason our relationship even had a chance, was because Tina took responsibility for herself, sought help, and followed through.

   Take care, Mark

   

I don't know if mine will ever "really" end.  It has been months since we last spoke.  She got married on my birthday a couple of weeks ago to someone she met and got married to in three months.  I thought that would be the end of it, but yesterday I got another seven text messages from her.  I don't read them, so I don't know what they say but I truly question whether this "finally ending" is in the cards.

It was a long time coming (maybe the last 2 years of a 4 year relationship) but I was always trying to make it work and get her help and I wanted to stay together. But it became harder and harder for me to want to stay and care about the relationship because of how abusive (verbally) and how unreasonable she became. Then it really blew up over the last few months and she wanted me to move out but only for a temporary break (of 2 months - her time frame?) because she knew we would get married but we just need a break from each other. I knew better and I knew she would be with other people trying to find a replacement the second I left. But I was wrong. I told her I was not coming back then and I was moving all my stuff out and she went out that night and got with someone else (before I even did get out the door) Then lied to me about it and kept telling me how much she loves me and how she knows one day we will still get married. So yea I left but I was forced out in a big way. Not sure if she kept trying to string me along at the end like that because none of her now many hookups never wanted more then a one night stand or because she really feels that way. But I have finally started to not care about her and what she thinks and why she thinks that way and who she is going home with ect... .ect... .NONE of that matters because no matter what I can never trust her again and would never get back with her. I DO NOT deserve to be treated the way she treated me and I know I can do a lot better. Everyone on this board can. Nobody should ever be treated the way people with BPD can treat us... .the ones that are supposed to be the people they love. Because in my book if that is love then I am just fine without it.

I'm afraid mine will only end when one of us dies.

BPD left me.

About 2 months before her decision I told her I accepted her for the way she is and felt calm inside, I had a good life with her son, mum, relatives and friends, I accepted who she is complete with the cheating and lieing, I admit when she was not depressed it was an amazing adventure, lots of fun, she could be the center of everyones universe... .but when she went down... .she crashed... .

She moved her long time lover / boyfriend in a couple weeks after our divorce.

3 months later she is alone, no idea who left who.

She invited me back.

I believe with all my heart that BPD is a physical problem within the human brain, beleive one day a cure will be found, therapy will be needed still, but I believe with a cure they will be much more open to therapy... .

I didnt return, if I hadnt have found a different home... .and a new friend... .I probably would have went back... .

And I agree... .for most of them they dont end... .we still talk... .she wants to meet... .I am happy just giving her what ever verbal support I can over the phone... .doubt if I will see her again... .hope she finds someone to take care of her... .she knows how I feel... .

Believe with all my heart that BPD is a physical problem within the human brain, that in the future there will be a cure, therapy will still be needed, but with the cure they will be more open to treatment... .

My relationship ended after he got mad at something a couple of my friends posted on Facebook (NOT about him or us).  He gave me the silent treatment for several weeks after that, and then finally told me there were "too many things about me that he couldn't deal with".

It wasn't the first silent treatment, or the first break-up.  Any time I said or did something that showed me to be human (i.e. not perfect), he would get angry and withdraw and there would be no communication until he'd "calmed down".  Each time he would tell me it was over, then eventually he would contact me and want to start things up again (except for this last time).

Even though he is the one who technically ended the relationship, I wouldn't go back to him if he changed his mind.  It had reached the point where the pain, anxiety and stress far outweighed the pleasure.

sent an email outlining why i didnt think it was healthy to be together any longer , he ignored the part where i said i want to part now . instead focusing on another issue at hand , i finally say is there any point in talking now ... he says no just go , i adore you , im here for you . i just said yes i agree im going to go thanks for understanding , he says , i do , i love you , bye for now ... .so im not sure , i did initiate the ending but i think he will think he ended it for his ego sake but really i had just had enough ... .he sensed it and thinks by saying go he has done me a favor ( martyr ) , but we all know yes he has done me a favor .

I made the decision to leave him after 3 years of verbal, emotional and low grade physical abuse (that I could see escalating). Right now all he does is email me. I am LC (I sometimes reply if he asks a relevant question), but I am planning on full NC as from tomorrow. I am happier, healthier and look and feel better without carrying his weight around.