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Question: Did you leave your BPD or did BPD leave you?
BPD left me [BPD decision]
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**Not Ended [In NC]
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Author Topic: SURVEY | How do BPD relationships finally end?  (Read 46559 times)
Wood stock
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« Reply #180 on: April 27, 2015, 08:54:15 PM »

I didn't go back for a recycle because my children and my family said they would be done with me if I went back again.  That truly is the only reason the relationship truly ended. And even still--it isn't completely ended because... .well... .here I am. Still trying to sort it all out... .
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shatterd
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« Reply #181 on: April 28, 2015, 08:48:34 AM »

spurned lover i guess,  i decided to stop fighting for it the last time she forced me to leave. We both have violent crimes now due to this relationship, not learning how to controll our selfs in a horride sittuation. I took a real hard look at the last 8 years realized the only that was gaind here were 3 kids, which 2 now have bad issues grrrrrr. I wasnt going back to jail or fight anymore   them kids have ben threw hell and idk my own will ever be the same again with anything. Yes it hurts but it had to stop for evryones sake.
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« Reply #182 on: April 28, 2015, 09:43:08 AM »

I was unhappy for several years in the relationship but I didn't want to leave because of my ex's instability - I was fearful for my stepdaughter, who was 15.

Our r/s began to unravel when I found out she had remained in touch with a man she had admitted to an emotional affair with - she said they had met for coffee several times and kissed, but had promised that they had stopped speaking months ago. After finding out that they still regularly communicated, told her I wanted her to move out within two months; but over the next two weeks we started talking again and considered giving it another try.  As we were in the middle of that discussion, she admitted that she had actually had a full blown affair with him.  

At that point, I became completely emotionally dysregulated - I really just fell apart.  She made the decision to move out several weeks later. Although I didn't see it at the time, it was the best decision for the both of us - she was deeply ashamed and, for me, the r/s was irrevocably broken.  I wouldn't have gotten past the affair - or the years of lying.

I am still trying to figure out why I stayed once my stepdaughter went to college.  I think it was in part because I loved her, and in part because she was in therapy and I really thought things would start getting better.  I knew she had mental health issues at that point but hadn't figured out the 'borderline personality disorder' part of it.

Knowing that she had spent her year in therapy continuing to lie to me made me understand that nothing was going to change in the near future - and that I would never be able to bring myself to trust her again.
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« Reply #183 on: April 28, 2015, 11:58:09 AM »

Like most on here, I was painted black, and she just dump me one day, but keep contacting me to devalue me, Until I go NC 7 days ago
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« Reply #184 on: July 22, 2016, 11:33:02 AM »

i wanted to leave for most of the relationship. each of us said "its over" a few hundred times.

in the last few months things became their worst. i had begun to detach, conflicted of course.

almost out of the clear blue, i decided i wanted to clean up my side of the street and reinvest. we were on an upswing. then she became very distant over night. in response i became needy and frightened (this had happened to me before).

we had a fight during which i caught her in a lie. after we calmed down i asked her if shed been thinking about breaking up with me. she said yes. we basically had the breakup talk; i made the case for our relationship, but i knew somewhere inside that this was for the best. i did not beg. i kept my dignity. i let it go.

it wasnt clear to me if things were officially over. a few days past. i signaled i accepted the breakup. i was painted black, new guy was thrown in my face. over the next few months we both hung on in indirect ways until i severed the ties. if you ask me who dumped who, id say she dumped me.

ive never broken up with a romantic partner. i always regretted that. it was not lost on me, that i chose a partner i knew would likely be unstable, as a sort of test for myself, as to whether i could walk away this time. i failed the test but i finally learned the right lesson(s).
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« Reply #185 on: July 22, 2016, 07:36:31 PM »

I stuck it out until the inevitable end hoping for a save at the last minute. I was even still waiting for the permanent idealization to show up. It sounds silly to me to hope that my ex would turn a corner and the woman that I first met would show but I didn't know about personality disorders.

There was a lot of tension amd conflict around the end of our relationship. I was avoidant, I would have liked to work through some of the issues but whenever I brought something up, it was always my fault. One particularly bad fight, she was raging at me for well over an hour, I stayed in the room, I'd just walk away today. It was my tipping point, I just had enough with her immaturity, how she blamed me for everything, jealousy even when I was talking to strangers in public, the negativity, drama abs and above all her disproportionate anger. I told her I had enough either she changes or I want a divorce.

About an hour and a half after that she had approached me again and asked me if I wad serious about a divorce and I bluffed to try get her scared and maybe she would do some serious counseling. I was split black and she started her escape plan and started a r/s with a neighbors friend. She emotionally checked out and I knew that she wasn't listening to ne and that this was really the end. It was disheartening but things got much better with time. She made the right choice for everyone as impulsive as her decision making is. The gamble paid off but it's not the way that I had wanted to end things, never in my life could I predict the emotional barrage.
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« Reply #186 on: July 23, 2016, 05:55:19 AM »

Mine left when our son was 6 months old. She had me beat to a pulp, mentally. I was in major depression. For the next 8 years I did everything to get her to look at me differently. No matter what I did, I was told I don't know how to look after my family. She would say only her family was there for her. Last year she met another man and she is an even more darker, sinister person to me.
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« Reply #187 on: July 25, 2016, 01:24:08 AM »

I ended the relationship.  At the time there was nothing but pain and fighting. It had been that way for a few months.

Initially, I planned on it being completely over and NC ever. She asked me to give it two weeks and re-evaluate the situation. I agreed, but she wouldn't wait for the two weeks. She told me that she didn't have to because it was her request. So, I went into full NC mode for a month or so.

During this period, I discovered the bpdfamily. I learned more about the disorder.  Like many of us here, I even questioned whether or not I was the one with the disorder. That is what got me into therapy.

I also started looking at my role in all of it. I discovered some pretty painful things about myself.
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Puzzledpieces
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« Reply #188 on: July 26, 2016, 02:40:35 PM »

Mine left silently.  He faded out (after I wanted more commitment from him) and gave me silent treatment. When I questioned the quiet, he told me to stop reading into it, I'm being "such a girl". It's been a few months since.
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« Reply #189 on: July 26, 2016, 03:07:51 PM »

My relationship has not officially ended but we have separated and broken up probably 30 times. 25 of those times she has tried to end it in an emotional state. Then I let her go. I don't speak to her and within a day she is trying to come back. She will do anything to get back from gas lighting to apologizing to promises of change. Anything to get me back. Then the cycle starts again.

I have broken up with her a few times and tried to be strict about it. Unfortunately I was in an emotional state but fully planned to follow through. Usually after she calmed down she would try to get back or just work her way back in. Last time she told me she was going to go stay at a guy friends house (trying to make me jealous) but later that night when I didn't show any reaction and just said OK she started asking if she could stay at my house on the couch. I said sure you can stay on the couch. I woke up and she was laying beside me and kissing me. I don't know what will happen in the future. I bet one day she will probably leave forever and go complete no contact after finding someone else. Im pretty sure.
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« Reply #190 on: August 08, 2016, 10:47:50 AM »

jrharvey, having also gone through more than 30 breakups, I think it might have helped me to determine which way my relationship was going. I'm curious (from one fellow with lots of breakups to another  Smiling (click to insert in post)) you describe yourself trying to be strict about breakups you initiated. What does that mean to you? Also, does it seem unusual to you that you have broken up with her quite a few times yourself? I know your few times doesn't compare to 25 by far, but I wanted to understand what your thinking was around this area.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #191 on: August 10, 2016, 12:17:43 PM »

I have a little more clarity about mine ended... .several years since any contact. Our r/s was similar to a lot of the ones that didn't work out. It started really fast and had its fair share of romantic fantasy... .and there were the strange tantrums every so often. I would say the ending was probably as nice as it could be. She said she needed to work on herself and we'd meet up for lunch in about a month. It was more or less an abrupt slow fade. She was my first love, and I really did believe in the romantic fantasy and hoped that that woman would wake up and come back. Now I see the bigger picture and realize she was never really there. I spent a lot of time afterwards just struggling hanging on to those few words and trying to figure out what happened, found this group, and even made friends with women with BPD in a local support group and another online. They helped me write a letter and my ex responded quickly and seemed somewhat ok. We emailed back and forth a few times, sometimes I wouldn't hear anything for weeks or months, and then she really went off on me. That's when I realized that the relationship/communication had nothing to do with me and it would always be a terrible relationship for me. I haven't had any contact since... .in about 4 years.
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« Reply #192 on: August 10, 2016, 03:02:21 PM »

Sad to say, but almost our entire marriage I've been trying to hold it together, from the first year. He checked out and only came back in enough to reel me in and then throw me back again. I was always waiting on him to decide, to tell me what it is he really wanted to see what could be done, and he told me in so many ways, then would retract it. Never anything concrete like a yes or no. The last four years he's said "I don't know" when I've asked him if he wanted to be with me. Then on our anniversary he went to see his family, stayed for a month, I let him come back, and it's been pretty obvious to me since then that I had already really started letting go of "what could be". I finally decided myself that it was over, and the last time I asked him he said "50/50". So, I mean, I don't know how much more he could hurt me, and I'm not waiting to find out. I'm not hoping he'll come to his senses or anything, I've finally let it sink in that it's over. He's finally got work again so he'll be back to his family in four or five weeks. I feel bad more for my son than anyone at this point, because he doesn't really understand what's going on or why his dad won't be here. It's not like his dad will tell him, it will be up to me. I've been detaching for so long because of all the pain that right now feels like it's already been years. I feel lighter and when I cried the other day I was heavy, grieving the finality, and now I'm focused on what I need to do to get my son and myself on track and healthier and happy. One small step at a time. I've learned this lesson slowly and painfully.

Sincerely,

Purekalm
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Confusedpe
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« Reply #193 on: July 05, 2017, 10:15:13 PM »

Curious to know
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hopealways
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« Reply #194 on: July 05, 2017, 10:52:46 PM »

During which one of the 50 breakups are you referring to? 
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« Reply #195 on: July 05, 2017, 11:31:51 PM »

During which one of the 50 breakups are you referring to? 

     
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« Reply #196 on: July 06, 2017, 01:37:16 AM »

Definitely a mix. They kept "unofficially" leaving me for other people multiple times in the past and just stopped talking to me until the reason they've left wasn't talking to them anymore; so they came back to the idiot that'd always have them.

I left them once and blocked all means of her contacting me when the abuse got too much for me to bear, but she came back to me a year later, told me she'd changed, and I got lured back in.

Got replaced some more until I got together with another person: I blocked them off again everywhere because she got extremely hurtful and insulting so I guess the last and final break-up is on me. Knowing her, she won't consider talking to me again until she dies.

I guess I gotta tick all boxes.
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« Reply #197 on: July 06, 2017, 03:59:31 AM »

A mix. My ex got into a relationship with another woman and only told me that we were over once he was sure the new relationship was solid, but added that he hoped we would stay friends as he "needed me." He said he wasn't able to tell the new girlfriend about his self-injury yet and he wanted my support with that.

Six weeks later I went NC because I was in too much pain over this discard to go on sitting in the corner like a disused toy, waiting for him to need me. I also wanted my self-respect back. I used to think he left me, but now I think it was more the other way round - he would have been quite happy to keep me among his toy collection for as long as I was content to put up with it.
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40days_in_desert
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« Reply #198 on: July 06, 2017, 05:43:40 AM »

My ex left after a little over 14 years of marriage two years ago but as you can guess, she already had my replacement lines up. It was an ex-boyfriend that she connected with on FB. Her reason for separating was to work on our marriage but a week after she moved out, she stopped talking to me and two weeks later I found that she was with her ex. One real attempt at a recycle by her about six months ago but her actions didn't match her words so it went nowhere. I guess you could say that I walked away from that "opportunity" but I look at it as avoiding a major car accident.
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« Reply #199 on: July 06, 2017, 09:12:06 AM »

I left.  And got charmed back.  4 times (probably more if you count "short breakups" in which I blocked him for a day or so after extreme verbal abuse).  One time I left for 6 months, more recently for 5, in all cases, the tears, screaming, pleas to "help" and other blatant manipulations gave me so much guilt that I went back….and back…and back.  I hate myself for it, and here I am again in week 5 of another recycle, depressed and listless and giving up more of my days in an effort to "help" him.  Like I said, I hate myself and sometimes death seems to be the only option to finally escape him.  The only thing keeping me alive at this point are my 3 daughters.  He is my addiction and my self-inflicted wound.  If I could fake my own death I would.
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« Reply #200 on: July 06, 2017, 09:30:41 AM »

I never really know what the answer is for me on this. My exBPDd cheated and lied, then said after six weeks of wanting to be me that she needed to move out and might date other people. I said that was all I could take and it was over. After the split during a discussion (we run a business together so could not be NC) she actually said that I had ended the relationship. I was quite surprised, in her head I had ended it. I didn't really feel I had much choice. She also was still in love with the replacement at that point and they are now together I believe from the grapevine, she has never been able to tell me though. Four weeks ago she asked me to leave our business as she felt too guilty.
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« Reply #201 on: July 06, 2017, 10:01:17 AM »

My BPD-ex and I had this dynamic where he'd pursue me, I'd resist, and then he'd work to win me over. Once he won me over he'd do something so transgressive that I'd have to push him away (to maintain modicum of self-respect).  Wash, rinse, repeat.  So, him pursuing and me leaving was just what we did.

Finally, I had enough, though I can imagine another scenario where if had I let him degrade me a few more times he'd have eventually found me not worth winning back.  So grateful it didn't go that far.  I'm sure the relationship felt like one long rejection to him even though he basically forced me away with abuse.
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Confusedpe
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« Reply #202 on: July 06, 2017, 10:45:48 PM »

Interesting sample.
It's almost 50/50 with 1 vote difference

In short, i am stuck in one of those cycles as mentioned above

She chases promises the world etc, take her back, mask off, BANG disgusting behavior forces me to say BYE BYE

3 recycles and almost on a 4th ! Whyyy oh why
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« Reply #203 on: July 07, 2017, 03:48:41 AM »

How do I start?

First 2 or 3 times, she left and recycled.

First big break-up was on me due to her abuse. She contacted me again, we got back together... .she left me multiple times for other's without officially breaking up with me, I took her back every time. Second big break-up was also my decision: I felt miserable WITH and then WITHOUT her. Again, we got back together. I got recycled over the course of 2 more years-- we weren't "together" anymore at that point but viewed us as destined for each other once we're doing better.

Then, she got together with some guy. It lasted a month; she came back straight afterwards and I immediately told her that this is the point I don't want to be with her anymore romantically. Things derailed pretty quickly after that - I got together with someone else some months ago now and ever since that, it's gone quiet. And always will be.

I suppose the final break-up was a mutual thing, but it still got forced due to me finding someone else.
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hopealways
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« Reply #204 on: July 07, 2017, 09:21:53 PM »

Do they ever really end?
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Larmoyant
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« Reply #205 on: July 07, 2017, 10:13:10 PM »

Do they ever really end?

I left, but never wanted too. He pushed me away, wanted to come back, but sabotaged any efforts for us to get together and talk. So much distrust on both sides. I couldn't take it anymore, but it doesn't seem to have ended. We've been in an 18 month break-up still rehashing old stuff and expressing pain to each other. We have ended, and I'm committed to a new life, but it doesn't feel over and I wonder if it ever really will be. There's no closure, not in the usual way. I'm going to have to make my own closure.
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« Reply #206 on: December 21, 2017, 02:52:22 PM »

My BPD left me but I forced the situation. I did things out of spite which in turn triggered a lot of her behaviour. She started cutting me out and leaving me for days as punishment. after a month or so of that, I expressed to her that the next time she left, I would not chase after her. At that point she wrote a long winded message and told me she was breaking up with me, not me with her, and sent me to hell. We have not spoken since. It has been a week. I am not sure I want to chase her anymore. I suppose we are done and that I forced it.
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« Reply #207 on: December 21, 2017, 03:44:15 PM »

I mentally left my undiagnosed BPDgf after one of her many irrational shaming rage attacks -- I had "abandoned" her again, in reality I simply HAD to spend time at work and with my kids.  She wouldn't understand, wouldn't come with me, she raged and ubered away.   Although my brain left the relationship, my heart stayed.  I begged forgiveness (again) and she came back.

But my brain was done with this lunacy and committed the cardinal sin, it confided in a female friend, and continued to in a series of meetings -- sole intent was to help me understand my gf's behavior.  You see, I wasn't allowed to have female friends.  So my heart lied and hid this from my BPDgf.

Three months later my undiagnosed BPDgf started yet another one of her irrational shaming rage attacks -- this time I wasn't supporting her adequately (after flying her everywhere, getting her out of debt, putting money into our new home, etc.).  She was about to uber out again when my brain stepped up and gave her my phone to see the conversations I was having with my friend, much to my heart's dismay.  As both heart and brain knew she would, she completely freaked out, broke every dish and light  bulb in my house, threw food all over the kitchen, slapped me hard in my face, spit full into my face, raged how I could do that to her and she left.   I haven't seen her since.

It's taken me a long time, but my heart was in full on pain mode, but it is finally matching my brain.  I 'm a smart guy but I was completely gas lit.  Stockholm syndrome.  I'm not a bad person.  I'm actually a very good person.  Too good for her.  And there was no saving her.

So did she end it or did I?  Was I passive aggressive or battling heart and brain?  

I dunno.  But I never hit her.  Never spit at her.  Never called her evil.  Never trashed her stuff.

I'm actually a very good person.

Too good for her.
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« Reply #208 on: December 21, 2017, 09:03:32 PM »

It's taken me a long time, but my heart was in full on pain mode, but it is finally matching my brain.  I 'm a smart guy but I was completely gas lit.  Stockholm syndrome.  I'm not a bad person.  I'm actually a very good person.  Too good for her.  And there was no saving her.

So did she end it or did I?  Was I passive aggressive or battling heart and brain?  

I dunno.  But I never hit her.  Never spit at her.  Never called her evil.  Never trashed her stuff.

I'm actually a very good person.

Too good for her.

I found this very reinforcing and full of positivism. Thanks for writing this as it reminded me that I am a good woman... .too good for her. Good luck and I hope it all continues to improve for you.
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« Reply #209 on: December 21, 2017, 10:23:16 PM »

I realized nothing was going to change after 1 year and 3 breakups. Finally realized he had BP traits and had been deceitful. 

After the second breakup I decided that the 3rd would be the last for me. The 3rd came around, I said it was over, he said it was over, I agreed, he wanted me back, I said it was over. NC for me. He emailed me early this week, did not read it. NC.

Zen606
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