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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: The "friendship" question?  (Read 6822 times)
artist27
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« Reply #60 on: May 17, 2007, 01:25:25 AM »

Marymac,

I’m doing ok.  I think anti-depressants are fine, and maybe I should be on something, but I don’t seem to mind being depressed.  Maybe I just have not been depressed enough to seek help.  I'm comfortable with my depression; it’s like an old friend that is always there.  I don’t go to therapy; instead I talk to my friends.  I deal with it in all sorts of ways.  Is that odd?

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gr8future
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« Reply #61 on: May 17, 2007, 03:21:07 AM »

It sounds like you already know the answer. NO!

I tried the "friendship" train with my soon to be ex-wife. It only seemed to inspire her that she could still return to her old ways and would still have a relationship. As long as you are there in any form of relationship, it suffices their hunger for control and non-abandonment.

Remember, they do not think the way we do. Any relationship (good or bad) is a victory for them and it fuels the cycle.

Intense mutual counseling or nothing at all - it's the only way.
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JerryKew
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: In LTR 17 yrs; separated nearly 3 yrs; now dating healthy guy and feeling happy! :)
Posts: 581


« Reply #62 on: May 17, 2007, 03:40:51 AM »

Marymac,

I’m doing ok.  I think anti-depressants are fine, and maybe I should be on something, but I don’t seem to mind being depressed.  Maybe I just have not been depressed enough to seek help.  I'm comfortable with my depression; it’s like an old friend that is always there.  I don’t go to therapy; instead I talk to my friends.  I deal with it in all sorts of ways.  Is that odd?

Artist27: friends are for venting; therapy is for healing. Do not confuse one with the other.

You seem to feel "comfortable" being in your depression. Then perhaps it's not depression per se you're deeling with. You're feeling kind of blue, "down in the doldrums". Depression is a very serious clinical condition, which can even be lethal.

You might want to start considering therapy when you're ready to move on with your life - then friends and the "comfortable doldrums" - or even this board for that matter - won't be enough any more.

Good luck on your path and take good care of yourself,

JerryKew
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artist27
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« Reply #63 on: May 17, 2007, 03:46:05 AM »

gr8future,

I know that I know the answer, I just have not told myself yet... Smiling (click to insert in post)
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