I ran into an angel yesterday.

[WhoMe51]

I ran into an angel yesterday.  She didn't have wings, but she had a heart full of wisdom.  I have known this person for a while.  She is in her mid 70's and she has been a surrogate grandmother/mom to me.  I hadn't seen her in a while because she moved to a different town.  And the minute she saw me, she called my name with a smile on her face.  We small talked for a few minutes and then she asked me if I had gotten married. I told her that my gf and I were no longer together.  She asked me why because the last time I had seen her, I was so happy and in love?  I told her that things just didn't work out between us.  I told her that I still loved my ex but I knew I couldn't be with her.  I told her a little about my exdBPDgf and her behavior.  I told her that I still loved and missed my ex dearly but knew that it would never work.  My friend looked at me and said you are an amazing guy that deserves to be with an amazing woman.  She said I pity your ex because she doesn't know and will never know what she has lost.  I smiled and told her that she always says something that lifts my spirit.  I went on to tell her that I didn't understand why I still loved my ex and my ex has moved on to another relationship so fast.  My Beautiful friend said, "look at me I want to tell you why."  She went on to say, "when you first met your gf, and she did everything that you ever wanted or needed, you fell hard for her.  And your love grew throughout the years you spent together.  Your love for her was so strong that you over looked things that most people would consider abuse.  And you thought you could get her to love you like she did in the beginning.  But know matter how much you loved her, she couldn't or wouldn't love you back.  She had been detaching from the relationship for a long time and when it ended, she could move on to the next person without a care.  And you are just now detaching.  And it will take a little while.  But you will do it.  You have learned a lot about yourself and what you want.  So the next time you get in a relationship, you will be better equipped.  And if you see red flags, run."  And she laughed.  I told her that I was glad I had run into her and that I missed her.  She always has a smile and warm thoughts to share. As we parted ways, I remembered, that my friend used to be a counselor.  She didn't say anything, but I believe she knew my ex was BPD.   

[enlighten me]

Its amazing when someone you know just gets it. They are few and far between.

She sounds like a very wise woman. Maybe she has even been there herself.

[Nextinline]

My Beautiful friend said, "look at me I want to tell you why."  She went on to say, "when you first met your gf, and she did everything that you ever wanted or needed, you fell hard for her.  And your love grew throughout the years you spent together.  Your love for her was so strong that you over looked things that most people would consider abuse.  And you thought you could get her to love you like she did in the beginning.  But know matter how much you loved her, she couldn't or wouldn't love you back.  She had been detaching from the relationship for a long time and when it ended, she could move on to the next person without a care.  And you are just now detaching.  And it will take a little while.  But you will do it.  You have learned a lot about yourself and what you want.  So the next time you get in a relationship, you will be better equipped.  And if you see red flags, run."  

This is one of the most powerful and moving insights I have read on these boards. The perspective and the wisdom is beyond words.

This has added immensely to my own healing process.

Thank you for sharing  

[SandWitch]

WhoMe51,

Thank you so much for sharing your story.  It came at a time when I was feeling overwhelmed and lost today. At times, I still feel "unreal" like I am not part of this world. I am trying to put my life back together financially and emotionally.  When I met the ex BPDbf I thought that I had been blessed beyond belief.  But piece by piece he revealed someone else - well several someone's and I watched the guy I fell for slip away.  I am still baffled by the whole scenario and ashamed that I fell so fast. 

Reading your story gave me a sense of hope.  Thank you so much for sharing. 

[StateofShock]

  She went on to say, "when you first met your gf, and she did everything that you ever wanted or needed, you fell hard for her.  And your love grew throughout the years you spent together.  Your love for her was so strong that you over looked things that most people would consider abuse.  And you thought you could get her to love you like she did in the beginning.  But know matter how much you loved her, she couldn't or wouldn't love you back.  She had been detaching from the relationship for a long time and when it ended, she could move on to the next person without a care.  And you are just now detaching.  And it will take a little while.  But you will do it.     

I love this, explains it perfectly. Most people don't understand this at all, the pain and the damage this person can cause.