Another curve ball

[Googie]

One week has passed now since my daughter has been admitted into a prtf that has the potential to help her through this rough time in her teen years.  I was wondering how she was adjusting to her new surroundings and with daily phone calls to staff, I felt that she was having a more difficult time this time around.  Well, earlier today after speaking with her therapist, I was informed by my daughter that there was something that she had to tell me.  Something that would upset me tremendously and that she just had to come out and say it.  After 10 minutes of preparing me, she tells me that she has been using drugs, specifically triple C's, weed, and other things she wasn't quite sure of their nature.  I wasn't surprised because I have always suspected that she might have been experimenting.  I was actually a little mad that she might actually be making it up to find a link to feel connected to the kids that have been there for a while.  I'm not quite sure how to take it, so I guess I have to error on the side of caution and take it with a grain of salt.

We have had these "road-blocks" come up before, only to find out later one that the situations and circumstances that my daughter had been speaking in great details about were false and that she purposely mislead us because she could.  ?


I am just going to add this to the growing list of behaviors that put her at risk so when it is brought up again we can tackle it just like any other recovering family should tackle an issue as huge as this.  Using drugs in addition to an already unstable foundation is the last thing I would ever hope to have to deal with.  Addiction runs strong on both of my daughter's family trees and has left death and destruction and so many unanswered questions.

At least she's in a safe place where everything is monitored and supervised.  I would not be able to do that here to the level it needs to be to keep her safe.

Ugh... .    Up and down, up and down.  This is becoming overwhelming once again.

Googie

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[sunshineplease]

Oh, Googie, what a lot to take in! It sounds as if you'd like some clarity about what's really going on. I'm happy your daughter is somewhere safe where she can begin to untangle all the threads of the crazy web she's woven. In the meantime, I'm sure you'd enjoy some reassurance that she's doing some real work and coming to terms with her addictions. Sending you some healing energy so you can feel supported, strong, and steady during these difficult ups and downs.

[lbjnltx]

Hello Googie,

These steps in ownership of behaviors can be painful for all involved... .  hang on... .  it can get better.  I'm not sure if you are sure that your d is being honest about her drug use.  Can you clarify.

I will share with you what happened regarding drug use and "cleaning the slate" when my d was in rtc.

During the "cleaning the slate" session we had w/her t over the phone, my d confessed to smoking pot in the alley behind the jr. high.  She said she only did it once.

A bit later down the road she told us she made that up because she thought that we suspected she had done it... .     anyway, the point is that she was trying to please us and found out honesty is the key to "pleasing us". 

My d attended the 12 step program in the rtc where she learned about drug use.  She told us her "addiction" was Si... self injury.  I don't honestly believe that it was an "addiction" as much as a go to low level skill that she used from time to time.  That she believed it was/could become addictive is where the value was.  She has her chip and treasures it... .  That is priceless.

 

lbj

[Googie]

I am still unsure about her honesty.  Today she clarified that she has used acid... .    really?

[jellibeans]

I find this very interesting... .  my dd15 also claimed she was a drug addict when she first went into her first hospitalization... .  she meet a friend there and after 11 days developed a plan to go into the rehab portion of the program but the catch was she had to be a drug addict... .  I did not think she was doing drugs on a regular basis... .  experimenting maybe but we kept a pretty close watch so I wasn't sure where and when she was doing all these drugs. I don't think she was being truthful... .  I think she was mimicking the people she was with at the hospital... .  

This is also where she picked up cutting as well and the reason I really avoid taking her into the hospital now... .  I am still reading Valeria Porr's book but in it there is a part where she talks about the BPD person always having a grain of truth in everything they say... .  my daughter lies constantly and with ease... .  I wonder if there is a little bit of truth to what your dd is saying... .  

[lbjnltx]

The grain of truth sifted through the BPD filter becomes all or nothing, black/white thinking.

IE:  I tried drugs therefore I am a druggie, I am an addict.  Absorbing the persona of those around them while getting  attention... .  hard to know what is real or how much of it is real.

[Googie]

That is exactly what I think she is doing because this was never an issue before.  I am NOT by any means suggesting that she has not experimented, just that this is more for show than anything else.  Does this type of lying become an obstacle to their success?  I would imagine that it must be hard to admit something was a lie when you are caught in it, but knowingly lying to fit in might put more therapeutic work to address as a lie/non-issue than if she was just to tackle the legitimate goals and issues she already struggles with.  Triple C's, weed, and acid.  What a combo for someone without money or knowledge where and from whom to buy from.  I just wish that one day she will just say enough is enough and make a decision to become well again.  I know it is far fetched but it's always nice to think the impossible every once in a while.  After all... .    we did make it to the moon and back.

Going to an Alanon meeting tomorrow.  Can. Not. Come. Fast. Enough.

Googie

[lovesjazz]

Our BPDs takes on illnesses that other people have. He is a compulsive liar. Dont know how else to put it. I think he does not deal with reality. He is adopted and does not like who he is, so he morphs himself into someone else. Ery hard to deal with since you never get the true him or his feelings.

[Googie]

Is this commonality we are speaking of, the essence (lack of a better word) that separates BPD behavior from other known unspecified mood behaviors?  Does that make sense?  I know that for me, I at one point was interested in learning about RAD because I am adopted as well.  I never felt connected... .    yada yada, yada... .    I was very surprised to have learned that RAD is almost known to be the very first stage of BPD.  I keep seeing those two dx's linked together in so many professional journals and reports.

My concern is that all this lying is wasting what time we have been designated and approved for and could really be that wrench that seizes the well oiled machine.  It is definitely attention seeking.  She called me repeatedly wanting to talk about how much she wants to use because she has been doing it so consistently and now being without it, she really really wants it.  But she can not describe any particular method people use to get high with any of the drugs she has mentioned which leads me to believe that she knows she is out of her comfort zone and not to offer details.  I've seen this "re-plotting" before in other situations.  Just a matter of time before it all unravels.

I have two advantages in this situation, and I truly do think this way of my life experiences... .    Been there, done that.  No one can BS a BS artist BUT another BS artist.  As well as the fact that I am a criminal justice major with education in street drugs and methods of use... .    I think I can start popping my bag of popcorn so I can watch the show.  I got this one easy.

I just want to make sure that this lying game they play is an absolute trait of BPD, so much so, that this one factor can separate BPD among other mood disorder behaviors just on its own, or very little else.  This lying and the time and energy that has to be put into keeping up the lie must be so stressful and most definitely is a part of her downward spiral.  Paranoid of being found out all the time, worrying about what to say if asked a specific question all the time, would kind of wear my nerves down to nothing too.  Making it almost impossible to avoid a violent escalation requiring hospitalization. 

My dd HATES these words... .    YOU LIVE IN A WORLD OF YOUR OWN CREATION.  YOU MADE CHOICES.  THOSE CHOICES HAD CONSEQUENCES (that were well known to you).  THE STATE OF YOUR LIFE AND LACK OF FREEDOM IS OF YOUR OWN DOING.  NO ONE ELSE.  JUST YOU.  DEAL.  WITH.  IT.

Nobody likes a liar or a thief.  We can add as many other descriptions as we like to bomb bard this board with character traits no unlucky Mother should ever have to answer to... .    and we have just described our children along with all the potential paths to choose from. 

Maybe one bag of popcorn won't be enough... .    I'll just order pizza and we can all just sit back and watch our children head toward their destination.  I guess we should take a break for a while and save our energy, cause this is making me see that BPD is a lifeTIME, not a phase.  I guess I better make sure that the facility my DD is at understands that I am so grateful to be able to watch my child, who I compare to a wild bucking horse when in crisis, make the slightest change in the right direction and slowly watch her anticipate and EXPECT GOOD positive consequences and running with it.  I saw this in her only 2 years ago.  The all American Girl life.  There was a reasonable expectation for all good things to come her way if she earned the right to have them.  Then it was gone.  Now I see my daughter broken and searching for a way to lie herself into being accepted by her peers and it breaks my heart.  I don't like liars, but I can see a kid exaggerating their personal performance at a soccer game to stroke the teenage ego, but to make herself out to be a drug addict and lie about committing crimes she hasn't committed is mind blowing.  In her mind the persona of a delinquent drug addict is the better option when compared to who she truly is.  So sad.  I wish I could stand in her place so she can get through this. 


6th hospitalization since  8/11.  Can we cut through the lies and save her some time?  What are the duel dx's px?  Anyone know?

Googie