New here—relieved to have a diagnosis for my daughter, 22.

[Ezcomm911]

  new here! My 22 year old daughter was recently tentatively diagnosed as BPD and I'm learning! Just having that diagnosis and all the reading I've done since has been a huge relief... .so much makes sense now! Looking forward to chatting and learning more... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[heartandwhole]

Hi Ezcomm911,



Welcome to the community ! I’m glad you reached out, because you’ve found a great place for support. Members here understand what it’s like to love someone with BPD. And the site has tons of resources and tools to make your relationship better.

When you are ready, give us some more information about your situation. How does your daughter feel about the diagnosis? What challenges have been difficult for you, for her?

Keep posting. It really helps to connect with others. We’re here for you.

heartandwhole

[Merlot]

HI Ezcomm911

I join heartandwhole in welcoming you to the bpdfamily.

I hear you when you say relief at the diagnosis    For me, my DD27, was diagnosed around 25.  Until then, I just kept thinking that one day she would grow up,  just when I thought she was turning the corner, something would trigger behaviours that would cause concern all over again.

I was very relieved with the diagnosis, as it also catapulted me into learning as much as I can so that I can help both of us achieve a more successful relationship which seems to have eluded us so often.

It's baby steps for me at the moment.  There are so many parents here to share with you, it would be great to learn more about your situation with your daughter.

Take care
Merlot

[Ezcomm911]

Hi Ezcomm911,



Welcome to the community ! I’m glad you reached out, because you’ve found a great place for support. Members here understand what it’s like to love someone with BPD. And the site has tons of resources and tools to make your relationship better.

When you are ready, give us some more information about your situation. How does your daughter feel about the diagnosis? What challenges have been difficult for you, for her?

Keep posting. It really helps to connect with others. We’re here for you.

heartandwhole

Thanks so much for the welcome. One thing I've learned is we are lucky... .while my daughter has had many struggles (and continues to) it hasn't been nearly so bad as some others. So I'm thankful for that. My daughter hasn't said a lot about how she feels about the diagnosis.  She believed for a long time that she struggled with depression.  She has jumped at the opportunity to do DBT starting this coming week.  I think we will know more once she starts with that. She historically gets excited about new therapy opportunities... .then when it comes time to do the work, she bails. So I'm reserving judgment there.  Challenges that have been difficult?  For her it's been a lot of black/white thinking.  It loses her a lot of friends, so her support system that way is pretty thin.  She doesn't understand why friends don't have time to spend with her and if they disagree with her? They're out... .but it hurts her.  She struggled for several years with anorexia... .she's better now but we still have to really watch that she eats.  She isolates a lot... .self harm was an issue although as she's gotten older that has gotten better.  I've (we) have struggled with not understanding why she flies off the handle so easily and so in inconsistently... .one time something will set her off, another it won't.  Often what sets her off seems to make no sense .  Walking on eggshells coins the feeling nicely! I personally struggle with feeling like this is my fault (we had a therapist say so) and not being able to understand WHY she won't work to get better.  And I struggle with the loss of my little girl... .who she is now is so very different than she was up to about 12... .I see little glimpses of her every now and then... .but this stranger we live with is not her most of the time. 

[Ezcomm911]

HI Ezcomm911

I join heartandwhole in welcoming you to the bpdfamily.

I hear you when you say relief at the diagnosis    For me, my DD27, was diagnosed around 25.  Until then, I just kept thinking that one day she would grow up,  just when I thought she was turning the corner, something would trigger behaviours that would cause concern all over again.

I was very relieved with the diagnosis, as it also catapulted me into learning as much as I can so that I can help both of us achieve a more successful relationship which seems to have eluded us so often.

It's baby steps for me at the moment.  There are so many parents here to share with you, it would be great to learn more about your situation with your daughter.

Take care
Merlot

Thanks so much for the welcome! It looks like a great place to share and learn for sure... .and I can certainly relate to the baby steps!

[wendydarling]

Hello EzComm911 and welcome to the community.

While your DD has not said much about her diagnosis to you, she's jumped to take up DBT, my DD made that connection. I waited for her to talk to me about DBT, she knew I was in listening mode, took her like 6 months during which I saw her make her own little positive steps was magic. I wish your DD well this week, that it is validating experience for her to keep with. Your DD is brave. DBT has helped my DD to dive down and work on many of the questions you raise about your DD to help her manage her BPD/EUPD

I'm so sorry a therapist said it was your fault, it is not. What I have learnt is to give my DD her personal space to recover, we all find our own way here to our unique situation, and learn from each other, posting here helps us work to that, with the best support you'll ever find.

Welcome again, I'm glad you found us, here we make a difference for us.  

WDx