Self representation

Hi sfbayjed,

I came close to representing myself too. Even with a gatekeeping order from the judge, the legal abuse did not stop. I figured I would be living out of a shoe if it continued until S13 was 18. But I felt nervous going pro se because my ex is a former trial lawyer. And when I mentioned it to my L, she cut her fees in half and arranged things so I can pay small installments. She said take 20 years if you need. I have a really good L. She didn't want me to avoid doing something because of money.

Anyway. I learned enough being in court repeatedly to realize that judges tend to be very, very lenient with pro se litigants. Like practically cuddling with them. My ex, not so much, even though he was pro se. He was an L and was supposed to know better.

There is something else called pro tem. I think it's where you consult with an L, but they don't represent you. I'm not sure if it's only in certain states or if it's something that occurs in all of them. I'm not sure exactly how it works.

One thing I learned, too. The most important person in the courtroom is the clerk. Treat that person well. He or she controls the calendar, and handles all the correspondence, and a bunch of other things that can impact us. They look like innocuous people, but they are there to help and in all honesty, they run a whole lot of the show. They cannot give any legal advice or else they'll lose their job, but it's a very fine line and they can tell you a lot about how things work if you treat them with respect.

My L was ten thousand times better as a trial lawyer in court than I could ever be. That's the one place where you are at a disadvantage. A good trial lawyer can do things that takes year to perfect. Knowing how to present things, knowing what evidence to present, whether to work with the other L, plus a lot of other things, like whether the judges likes certain styles of litigation or not, and what their buttons are. For example, my L knew (because she invited all the Ls and judges to her holiday parties) that he could not tolerate divorcing parents who called each other names. A real Southern gentlemen type. So my L played that card. It seemed like the most benign thing in our case, but to the judge, it was a sign of a much bigger problem. He also did not tolerate parents who disparaged the other parent. Something that gets added to most orders, but rarely enforced. My judge had no patience.

Find out what you can about your judge. Ask other Ls to sum up the judge. That's a big part of what we pay Ls to know. Good ones, anyway.



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