If your inner child could speak, what would it say?

[gentlestguardian]

I've been giving my inner child a lot of thought today. I think acknowledging her and comforting her is really important to my healing and recovery from a childhood spent with my BPDm.

My inner child didn't ever get to have a childhood. Whenever I picture her or think of her, I see a lonely, unheard 5 year old girl. I feel like she got stunted specifically at the age of 5, which is coincidentally when my PBDm and I moved to the United States and lost all contact with anybody that ever provided me nurturance. I feel like my inner child never got to experience age 6, 7, 8, etc because she was forced to grow up immediately at 5 and care emotionally for her BPDm while also caring for herself. I'm sure most of you with BPD parents understand exactly what I mean when I say this.

I'd like this to be the beginning of a positive thread where we can give our inner children some air time. What does your inner child have to say that it never got a chance to? What do you want to say to your inner child?

[Hawk Ridge]

My T is trying to get me to talk to my inner child.  I was supposed to ask her what she thought of my exBPDgf.  My inner child says she was scared of her but is otherwise quiet.  I find that sad and interesting as my ex often accused me of overcommunicating if I wanted to resolve conflicts.  Been really teary today.  Comes in waves I guess.  Interested in hearing how others engage with their inner child. 

[Indie]

She wants to say she is bright and curious and wants to explore so many neat things all around her and share it all out loud with someone who will say "wow, that is awesome!  You get out there and experience this incredible world!"  She wants to love a puppy, ride a horse, learn to dance, make a mess doing kid things without fear.

I want to tell her I love her, that it is ok to make mistakes (even big ones!), to not be afraid to be herself.  I want to tell her she is a very different person from the adult woman who calls herself her mother, and she is not responsible for making that woman happy.  Mostly I want to tell her I love her and it's all ok because nothing she will ever do will cause her to lose the love I have for her.

XOXO

[gentlestguardian]

She wants to say she is bright and curious and wants to explore so many neat things all around her and share it all out loud with someone who will say "wow, that is awesome!  You get out there and experience this incredible world!" 

I love that! It's not too far off from what my inner child wants too. She wants some indulgence, dammit! Someone to look at the plain old rock she just found and get excited about it with her. Someone to listen to her stories of made-up worlds with characters that have wacky names and encourage her to never stop writing. Someone to tell her to chase her impractical dreams instead of telling her she'll never make it as a writer and shouldn't even try because her duty is to take care of her BPDm and she can't do that with a low income. Obviously my inner child is a bit bitter today  .

[MyLifeNow]

A therapist once asked me to conjure an image of my inner child and talk to it, as a self parenting strategy. I sat there for about 30 minutes and got absolutely nowhere heh. I'm really not sure why I couldn't do it.

[trees]

I see my inner child throwing an epic hissy fit/tantrum. Full-on wailing, failing, rolling on the floor, stamping feet, drama, tears.

I wasn't allowed to show any emotion as a kid. If my mom was screaming at me for hours on end, spitting in my face, saying the most vile nasty things (the I-wish-you-were-never-born, you-are-evil-incarnate sort) and I dared shed a single tear, it would just fuel her rage further. Ditto if I asked her not to scream. (I've lost count how many times she'd yell back "I'M NOT SCREAMING!"

If I made a peep of "please don't talk to me like that," my mom would inevitably tell my dad that I was being a smart-a$$. My dad would come into my room later & lecture me about "not talking back" because that only made things "worse." If I started crying, he'd look at me like I was a foreign creature & just walk out of the room. Or stand there awkwardly, not saying anything or just repeating the same old, "You know how your mother is. You need to be a big girl and just stand there and take it when she's being like that."

So yes, my inner kid wants to have a temper tantrum to end all temper tantrums. And then go play with her dog, eat an ice-cream cone and climb her favorite tree and watch the clouds roll by.

[Harri]

Sometimes I would write letters to Little me.  I would tell her she is loved for just being who she is and she is not responsible for the adults in her life.  I would tell her that the adults were wrong to tell her she was bad or evil when she tried to separate and that I was very proud of her for just being her.  I used to post on a board for survivors of mother daughter incest and there was a special section for getting in touch and taking care of the little ones within us.  It was quite moving, yet heartbreaking too.  I also bought crayons and coloring books so I could play with her a bit.   I haven't in a while though.  

So anyway, I lost touch with her over the last several years and after reading this post yesterday I went looking for her.  I think she might have grown up a bit.  She used to be around 4 or 5 but now I think she is more like 14 or at least that is what I sense when I try to focus on her.  I am not sure how to talk with an angry and scared teenager.  I can talk to scared and angry little kids, but teenagers intimidate me a bit.  

Gentlestg, have you ever tried writing a book with your little ones stories in it?  She could even do illustrations for it!  

Indie, thats it!  You have to buy her a pony today!    And then let her play in the mud or use finger paints!  

[gentlestguardian]

So anyway, I lost touch with her over the last several years and after reading this post yesterday I went looking for her.  I think she might have grown up a bit.  She used to be around 4 or 5 but now I think she is more like 14 or at least that is what I sense when I try to focus on her.  I am not sure how to talk with an angry and scared teenager.  I can talk to scared and angry little kids, but teenagers intimidate me a bit.   

That is super interesting! I've actually been hoping something similar might happen to my inner child; that if I give her enough love and care, she will eventually grow up and catch up to my real age.

Gentlestg, have you ever tried writing a book with your little ones stories in it?  She could even do illustrations for it!   

That is a genius suggestion, thank you so much!   I'm going to do it. I love the coloring book idea too.

[Harri]

I'm going to do it. I love the coloring book idea too.

I am grinning from ear to ear for you!  I am also relieved because I thought you might think I am crazy... .and I am but so what!  Besides, the world needs more adults who play with crayons!  Go you!   

[Ziggiddy]

What a lovely thread to start gentlestguardian! And harri what a sensational idea for the little story book. I am going to think about that. i have shrunk back from journalling as it feels like it would be too dark and painful. that feels like a much lighter and brighter and sparkling approach.

And then go play with her dog, eat an ice-cream cone and climb her favorite tree and watch the clouds roll by.

this brought back a memory or two for me!

My little Zig  - I noticed something about her the other day that was sad and a bit wierd. i mean she's always messy - with wild ziggy hair and an ugly dress. thin arms - so in need of care. But I noticed that she doesn't meet my eyes. on the rare occasion she does, she is haunted and vulnerable ... .and looks JUST like my father, i had a sudden insight to why he stays with my mother. He is comfortable in terror.

But little zig - well she has such a short attention span "No I don't!" she just said, hands on hips. "It's just that Mum talks SO much and for SO long and with so. Much. Detail that I can't understand it all."

ok. there's something I never thought of before!

gg - I like your question "what would you say to your inner child" i confess I never thought much about that. I'm going to have to give that some thought.

mylifenow

A therapist once asked me to conjure an image of my inner child and talk to it, as a self parenting strategy. I sat there for about 30 minutes and got absolutely nowhere heh. I'm really not sure why I couldn't do it.

I felt so sad for you when I read that. Then I thought maybe small life is just too scared to come out? Maybe it might be possible to just listen for a whisper? Or you may find it useful if you can to look at some photos of yourself when you were little. You may have forgotten how gorgeous you were? If you're not ready to connect, would you be able to observe? Maybe your little self on a bike? Or playing marbles? or any of the other things you might like to do when you were a kid? Sometimes we are just so knocked around that the little kid inside us is just not willing to come out. But I'll bet if you looked under the bed ... .or behind the barbecue. or in the cupboard - in one of your old hiding spots - you might just see a shadow? I hop eyou do. If not that's cool. it'll happen at the right time.

Oh. i think little Zig would like to go to the park more often. And have to time after playing on the swing and the slide to just sit and look at the colour of the light on the trees. She doesn't want to rush off and cram in all the other busy things. She's lookin gup at trees up in the tree with the ice cream and is wondering if she could get a strawberry one?

[trees]

Of course! Would you like a single scoop or a double? Sprinkles? Nuts?

I'm a chocolate gal myself (with extra sprinkles).

[trees]

Also, this is going to sound really weird but picturing a 5-yr old me throwing a hissy fit really was the perfect release for the anger that welled up in me yesterday.

So thank you gentlestguarian for starting this thread! I owe you one. 

I can now use the fresh icecubes in my freezer for making lemonade instead! Or maybe I'll still chuck a few.

[Harri]

I think I just fell in love with Little Zig and Little Tree!   I love the imagery! 

Tree, you could always 'destroy' the ice cubes in a blender and then repurpose them into frozen margueritas or something.  Just sayin'... .

[trees]

Harri, I like the way you think. 

[gentlestguardian]

Also, this is going to sound really weird but picturing a 5-yr old me throwing a hissy fit really was the perfect release for the anger that welled up in me yesterday.

So thank you gentlestguarian for starting this thread! I owe you one. 

Aw yay, this makes me feel happy. I'm glad I could be of some help!

[thereishope]

She wants to say she is bright and curious and wants to explore so many neat things all around her and share it all out loud with someone who will say "wow, that is awesome!  You get out there and experience this incredible world!"  She wants to love a puppy, ride a horse, learn to dance, make a mess doing kid things without fear.

I want to tell her I love her, that it is ok to make mistakes (even big ones!), to not be afraid to be herself.  I want to tell her she is a very different person from the adult woman who calls herself her mother, and she is not responsible for making that woman happy.  Mostly I want to tell her I love her and it's all ok because nothing she will ever do will cause her to lose the love I have for her.

XOXO

[workinprogress]

My inner child would say, "can't I just have a hug?"

[Woolspinner2000]

I'm not quite sure yet what Little Wooly would say. She's pretty scared yet and afraid to come out and mostly she's quiet. Since I'm just learning to meet her, I'll have to figure out her hiding places. I know one thing I'd do with her. I'd climb all the way up into the haymow in the barn and help her build those hay forts that she likes to put together and hide in. And we'd breathe in the scent of the fresh mown hay and watch the dust particles float through the sunlight shafts that sneak in through the gaps in the barn walls as we sit on the prickly hay bales for chairs. We'd be real quiet and enjoy the peace.

Woolspinner

[Hawk Ridge]

Mine just wants to play and then lay in the grass watching the puffy white clouds creating characters and figures.

My T wants me to ask my inner child what she thought of my emotionally abusive exBPDgf.  I think she says she scared her.  She scared me too... .

[thereishope]

This is a really good thread, with opportunity for growth and healing, I believe... .I want to investigate this further myself... .  I find I currently am very stuck inside the grown woman who I have always had a lot of pressure on... .I see she has made so many big bad mistakes... .and I'm mad at her, and trying to figure out how to correct her errors... .When I read through these posts though, it made me cry because I know "little hope" is in here too, and I really see value in allowing her to express herself and heal... .I think this will probably help me deal with the grown woman I am mad at, too.   

Little hope likes life, and everything in it is intriguing to her... .she feels the sun's rays, and likes feeling a warm breeze too... .hearing the trees rustle overhead... .She loves the majesty and power of the ocean... .loves to see, hear, smell it... .Loves flowers, grass, the outdoors, people, loves to make people smile, she likes to sing without worrying her voice isn't good enough... .She's a tomboy, with short hair and jeans and a teeshirt... .she misses Maine and her parents... .Doesn't like stress and busy-ness... .likes the country, and quiet and peace... .Wants to just feel ok again... .

[Ziggiddy]

workinprogress -getoverhere!

 

Man this family is great.

[workinprogress]

workinprogress -getoverhere!

 

Man this family is great.

Thank you Zig!

I can't remember my parents ever hugging me.  Now that they are aging and chronic illnesses, I do try to have more physical contact with them.  I will put my hand on my dad's back and hug my mom.  It's tough.  My dad was such a bully and my mom was so mean.  I really have to make an effort to do it, but I'm glad when I do.

I wonder now if they haven't needed hugs and the like their whole lives and weren't able to reach out for them.

[gentlestguardian]

This is a really good thread, with opportunity for growth and healing, I believe... .I want to investigate this further myself... .  I find I currently am very stuck inside the grown woman who I have always had a lot of pressure on... .I see she has made so many big bad mistakes... .and I'm mad at her, and trying to figure out how to correct her errors... .

Hope,

I struggle with this too and have to fight it back on a daily basis it seems. I found a really cheesy internet meme the other day that's been of great help though. It said something along the lines of, "Forgive yourself for the past because you were only doing your best with what you knew then, even if you know differently now." It's really hard to stop kicking yourself, isn't it? Especially for children of BPD parents. But that quote is true. We couldn't have known then what we know now, and you're here now, healing and moving forward. I think that warrants enough pride to negate some self-criticism .

[thereishope]

This is a really good thread, with opportunity for growth and healing, I believe... .I want to investigate this further myself... .  I find I currently am very stuck inside the grown woman who I have always had a lot of pressure on... .I see she has made so many big bad mistakes... .and I'm mad at her, and trying to figure out how to correct her errors... .

Hope,

I struggle with this too and have to fight it back on a daily basis it seems. I found a really cheesy internet meme the other day that's been of great help though. It said something along the lines of, "Forgive yourself for the past because you were only doing your best with what you knew then, even if you know differently now." It's really hard to stop kicking yourself, isn't it? Especially for children of BPD parents. But that quote is true. We couldn't have known then what we know now, and you're here now, healing and moving forward. I think that warrants enough pride to negate some self-criticism .

Thank you, gentlest!  I said similar words to my ex-h yesterday as a matter of fact... .Something along the lines of, "I'm sorry for doing these things then... .I wish I had known how to do things differently then, but I understand much better now... ."

I really like that quote and am going to save it.  Thank you for sharing it.    I really am thankful for our BPD family.  :D

[clljhns]

gentlestguardian,


I really hesitated to answer this post. I think mostly because this really hit a nerve.

What would my inner child say? As I type these words, my stomach immediately tenses and becomes hard. Hmmm. I think she would cry. For a very long time. Just silence. This was her existence. Silence. I can see her big sad eyes just staring in disbelief to everything around her. I remember finding new hiding places in my home when my mother would go into one of her rages, I would run to that hiding place.

So, what would she say. Well, I can tell you that she is safe. She stays with lion. Lion carries her on her back and takes her for long rides into the forest. She does have a beautiful, haunting laugh that rings through the forest. She sits by a stream and stares at the pebbles. But, she doesn't speak, yet.

[gentlestguardian]

gentlestguardian,

I think she would cry. For a very long time. Just silence. This was her existence. Silence. I can see her big sad eyes just staring in disbelief to everything around her... .So, what would she say. Well, I can tell you that she is safe. She stays with lion. Lion carries her on her back and takes her for long rides into the forest. She does have a beautiful, haunting laugh that rings through the forest. She sits by a stream and stares at the pebbles. But, she doesn't speak, yet.

     I feel for your inner child; how lonely she must have felt through her childhood; how scared.

Lately I have been thanking my inner child. I wrote her a letter and thanked her for being her; for being so strong, willful, and willing to take the burden of caring for herself and her BPDm in a foreign country where she knew no one. I wrote that I appreciated her for getting me here, to my adult self. If it wasn't for her strength and courage, I would have been lost. Thanking her has opened her up to me. She's starting to feel more real, and I'm starting to feel glimpses of her easy joy again.

Would you thank your inner child, clljhns? Would you take her in your arms and comfort her?

[Mutt]

Mine would say. Let's play. Let's have some fun.

[Turkish]

Mine would say. Let's play. Let's have some fun.

I see that and I think the movie War Games. Tic-tac-toe? No. Global thermonuclear war. Always going to the extreme.

I can't conjur up an inner child, and I don't know what that means.

[clljhns]

gentlestguardian,

I had never considered thanking her for being strong and brave. But after reading your question, it makes sense. Without that little girls resolve and courage, I wouldn't be the adult I am today. Thank you for bringing this gift to me. I will take the time to connect with her and begin the healing process. I have always avoided this. It is so painful to think of all she witnessed and experienced.

Would I nurture her? I am still learning how to do this for myself as an adult. I think you are right. I need to comfort her. Wow. This is going to be tough.

Thank you again for your gift and the gift of being you. 

Peace and blessings. 

[gentlestguardian]

I can't conjur up an inner child, and I don't know what that means.

Turkish -- If I had to guess (and if I'm presuming too much, I apologize in advance), I'd say it means that you're a very effective caretaker of everyone around you except for yourself. It means you don't feel your inner child is worthy of your time because your kids, etc. are more worthy/deserving. It's a choice you're probably making unconsciously.

Can I ask you, do you goof off with your kids? Not just take care of them, but actually engage in absurd and foolish play with them with your guard down? Are they young enough to get really goofy and absurd with?

[Turkish]

I can't conjur up an inner child, and I don't know what that means.

Turkish -- If I had to guess (and if I'm presuming too much, I apologize in advance), I'd say it means that you're a very effective caretaker of everyone around you except for yourself. It means you don't feel your inner child is worthy of your time because your kids, etc. are more worthy/deserving. It's a choice you're probably making unconsciously.

Well, my Ex would disagree that I ever took care of her in any way, but that no longer concerns me. I think you've got my number, gentlesguardian! Maybe I have trouble enjoying myself. I went to a rock concert last week with some friends who came in from out of town. I liked it, but not like when I was younger. I really need to find some friends who are close. I feel very alone here all of a sudden. The trouble is that I am used to loneliness, and even embrace it. It's hard to break the pattern that was my life before I met their mom 7 years ago (6.5 year r/s). I don't know how much of this is mirroring my BPD mother (who is a hermit), and how much of it I just developed as an escape. I can't separate my inner child. It feels like it is walking beside me all of the time. It is me.

Can I ask you, do you goof off with your kids? Not just take care of them, but actually engage in absurd and foolish play with them with your guard down? Are they young enough to get really goofy and absurd with?

Oh yes. We are nothing but irreverent and silly, and my kids are crazy in that they go overboard sometimes, but I encourage it. I see the difference between them and their cousins, even, in that they are far more open and playful. I'm not sure how much of that is inborn or what. My humor used to drive my Ex nuts at first (due to her social anxiety), but even she loosened up after a while, and started mirroring the fun we have with the kids, even if they do drive her nuts still sometimes. It bothers her that D2 pretends she is a puppy (pants her tongue). I never taught her this; she just loves dogs. Since it bothers their mom, I encourage it on my side 

We did lots of cool things this weekend. I blew off the house cleaning, and we went for a drive up the mountain, went to the park later. I took them to a Christian Reggae concert last night, and we loved it. I stuffed my feelings of "I have to get them to bed on time since S4 has school tomorrow" and getting home later was fine. It was relaxing singing and jumping around. The kids even got on stage. Very fun! The thing is, I would never have done something like that myself. Maybe the kids bring out my inner kid? I think that's the ticket. Other than getting S4 to do his homework, my inner kid plays with theirs. I don't care if I look silly to others, a middle aged man being playful. Sometimes I look at other parents and think, "what's wrong with you, loosen up!"

I think the are far more relaxed with me, which is probably why they ask to call me a couple of times every month, but in 7 months after she moved out, only D2 has asked to call her mom one time, and it was a case of her triangulating since she didn't like what I was telling her. I was so happy one of them finally asked to call their mom that I made the call. Nothing since then.

[thereishope]

We did lots of cool things this weekend. I blew off the house cleaning, and we went for a drive up the mountain, went to the park later. I took them to a Christian Reggae concert last night, and we loved it. I stuffed my feelings of "I have to get them to bed on time since S4 has school tomorrow" and getting home later was fine. It was relaxing singing and jumping around. The kids even got on stage. Very fun! The thing is, I would never have done something like that myself. Maybe the kids bring out my inner kid? I think that's the ticket. Other than getting S4 to do his homework, my inner kid plays with theirs. I don't care if I look silly to others, a middle aged man being playful. Sometimes I look at other parents and think, "what's wrong with you, loosen up!"

I can relate with this... .I had a week when I ran from uBPdh, and spent a week with just my kids at my parents' in Maine... .There me and the kids had a great time... riding bikes together, playing frisbee, laughing our butts off... .I feel like I just can't be/do that here, in my home with uBPDh... .It feels like night and day.  I long for this freedom of expression and joy and peace and goofyness with my kids (from previous marriage thank God)... .Which makes me feel like I want to LEAVE to obtain it... .Can anyone relate with this?

[gentlestguardian]

I found this on the web today and I thought it pretty neatly encapsulated everything I've been thinking/learning about my inner child. I wanted to share a portion of the text; if it resonates with any of you, you can read the rest of the article on the website (www.healyourinnerchild.com/Book-Content/loving-the-wounded-child-within). (I didn't want to copy/paste the entire essay 'cause I felt like that would be stealing.)

We formed our relationship with ourselves and life in early childhood. We learned about love from people who were not capable of loving in a healthy way because of their unhealed childhood wounds. Our core / earliest relationship with our self was formed from the feeling that something is wrong and it must be me. At the core of our being is a little kid who believes that he/she is unworthy and unlovable. That was the foundation that we built our concept of "self" on.

Children are master manipulators. That is their job - to survive in whatever way works. So we adapted defense systems to protect our broken hearts and wounded spirits. The 4 year old learned to throw tantrums, or be real quiet, or help clean the house, or protect the younger siblings, or be cute and funny, etc. Then we got to be 7 or 8 and started being able to understand cause and effect and use reason and logic - and we changed our defense systems to fit the circumstances. Then we reach puberty and didn't have a clue what was happening to us, and no healthy adults to help us understand, so we adapted our defense systems to protect our vulnerability. And then we were teenagers and our job was to start becoming independent and prepare ourselves to be adults so we changed our defense systems once again.

It is not only dysfunctional, it is ridiculous to maintain that what happened in our childhood did not affect our adult life. We have layer upon layer of denial, emotional dishonesty, buried trauma, unfulfilled needs, etc., etc. Our hearts were broken, our spirit's wounded, our minds programmed dysfunctionally. The choices we have made as adults were made in reaction to our childhood wounds / programming - our lives have been dictated by our wounded inner children.

By searching out, getting acquainted with, owning the feelings of, and building a relationship with, these different emotional wounds/ages of the inner child, we can start being a loving parent to ourselves instead of an abusive one. We can have boundaries with ourselves that allow us to: take responsibility for being a co-creator of our life (grow up); protect our inner children from the perpetrator within/critical parent (be loving to ourselves); stop letting our childhood wounds control our life (take loving action for ourselves); and own the Truth of who we really are (Spiritual Beings) so that we can open up to receive the Love and Joy we deserve.

It is impossible to Truly love the adult that we are without owning the child that we were. In order to do that we need to detach from our inner process (and stop the disease from abusing us) so that we can have some objectivity and discernment that will allow us to have compassion for our own childhood wounds. Then we need to grieve those wounds and own our right to be angry about what happened to us in childhood - so that we can Truly know in our gut that it wasn't our fault - we were just innocent little kids.

[sparrowfarfrom home]

Little Sparrow would be sitting at a picnic table at a park coloring in her coloring book, and she would tell me her story if I asked. She is about 6.

" my mommy cries a lot and yells at me alot. She and daddy say for the other kids to leave me alone because I am sick. The say I'm sick because I cry and scream about unfair things. I get really upset. Sometimes they laugh at me. That makes me cry more. I'm the middle kid.

I feel like Nobody understands my mind.

At night before bed I hear voices swirling around me in a circle. Lots of voices mixed together.

They scare me.  I have it every night.

I get stomach aches in the morning I don't want to go to school.

I can't see the blackboard, or the teacher. The teacher gets mad at me too. On car trips my brother can count a hundred signs but I can only see four or five. They laugh  at me for that too.

I always have a cold and a LOT of snot.

Nobody knows that I am nearsighted, and have gluten allergies, and these make me moody and sad.

I remember once sitting on the floor of my grandparents house and watching all the big people talk.

I wished I could somehow get inside  each person's  head and behind their eyes, so I could see the different way each one looked at the world. I knew they each  looked at the world  and none of them saw things the same way. But I never told anybody that idea.

I love my daddy. He hugs me and sings oh Susanna to me. He thinks  I am an artist, just like him.

I don't sit on mommy's lap since my sister came. She doesn't hug me.

Sometimes when I walk across the street on the way to school, I limp and pretend I have a hurt leg. I wish someone would stop and ask me if I was ok and give me a hug. Sometimes I wish they would take me home with them, and love me".

[Lise]

Thank you, gentlestguarian for the initiative for this thread, it's a really important matter.

I do not know what my inner child would say - she doesn't speak much. But she communicates that she needs to be hugged, held, sheltered, and told that everything is going to be all right. She has those big, frightened eyes, looking out from the cupboard or from under the bed, where she's been hiding. Oh, and she's angry - so incredibly furious while scared stiff.

I like the thought that with enough love, she'll eventually find her voice. 

I know what I'd like to tell her, though: That she's the most amazingly brave, little girl in the world. That she's truly lovable and that it fills me with awe how she's managed to find a way to survive and hold on to a sliver of her self, keeping it safe from harm.

I know one thing I'd do with her. I'd climb all the way up into the haymow in the barn and help her build those hay forts that she likes to put together and hide in. And we'd breathe in the scent of the fresh mown hay and watch the dust particles float through the sunlight shafts that sneak in through the gaps in the barn walls as we sit on the prickly hay bales for chairs. We'd be real quiet and enjoy the peace.

Would it be okay if 'Lisita' and I came too - that's one of the things she loves most in the world? Just thinking of it brings a big smile to my face and heart. 

[workinprogress]

My inner child would also say,

"I want to play.  I'm tired of doing what you think I should do.  I want to be carefree and have fun.  I want to smile and laugh.  I want to be loved for who I am and not who you want me to be."

[gentlestguardian]

I wish someone would stop and ask me if I was ok and give me a hug.

Little Sparrow,   .

I want to ask Little Sparrow, what brought you joy as a child?

Oh, and she's angry - so incredibly furious while scared stiff.

Boy can I relate to that, Lise. Have you found a way to release some of your inner child's anger as an adult? I'm still working on it; seems like a daily struggle.

[Lise]

Boy can I relate to that, Lise. Have you found a way to release some of your inner child's anger as an adult? I'm still working on it; seems like a daily struggle.

I'm sorry to say that I haven't ... .yet. Anger is still very difficult for me, but I'm learning to at least be angry, and acknowledging the feeling. Hopefully expression of anger will follow. 

I've just been to see my therapist today and he suggested that I could write down all the things I'm angry about related to my childhood. I'm working on that now. It's tough, but it feels good to get it out. I think I'll be needing to go over it several times, as I still tend to soften the anger in what I write. Also, I've found out that a great deal of it is beyond words, just a lot of yelling and cussing that I want to do.

I think I can recommend doing this - I feels good to try to help her find a voice. And to meet her anger with acceptance and compassion. She really needs that.

[sparrowfarfrom home]

Gentlest,

Little Sparrow would say,

" my world is very dark. I have to walk dark city streets to a huge dark catholic school with dark brown walls and dark brown chairs and desks. I don't know any of the kids in there. This place scares me.When I go home the street I live in is dirty with lots of cars and kids running around and playing and yelling.

Last year in kindergarden at PS 33 the teacher saw me sitting alone alot and playing with blocks all alone. She took me up close to her and she looked into my eyes.  Like she wanted to understand me somehow. I just looked at the sunny window beside her at the air where I saw sparkles all around her.

She asked me, "what is that you see?".

I said, "it's dust."

what makes me happy is sitting in my yard and digging holes in the dirt 'all the way to china' and seeing the dirt change color the deeper I dug.

and when my big Italian family has sunday dinner together in my Grandma and Grandpa's apartment. Everybody is laughing and happy then.

Then the world doesn't feel as dark.

I feel happy laying on the floor and reading the sunday comics. Usually I hear a baseball game on the tv and then I feel the sad darkness come in because I know the next day will be school.

[gentlestguardian]

I wanted to share another resource I've been using lately to interact with my inner child. It's a book by John Bradshaw entitled "Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child." I've found this book pretty invaluable so far. It has a lot of factual information about each developmental stage that a child goes through, including what's considered healthy and the type of affirmations the child should be getting to encourage healthy psychological development. I can't stress enough how much of a helpful baseline that knowledge has provided for me. The book also has several guided meditations you can do to reclaim each of your childhood stages so that you can learn to parent yourself from an organic place within you. I've done several of the meditations so far and have been brought to tears; they are powerful. So if anyone is interesed in doing this kind of exploration into themselves, the book is very useful, in my opinion.

For those of you who have replied to this thread, or have wanted to but didn't, have you seen any changes in yourself since you've started acknowleding your inner child?

I have been working pretty intensely with all this stuff for the last several weeks. I repressed so much of my childhood because of how hard I hated Little Guardian, and I felt I couldn't go any further in my healing process without putting the pieces of me back together. I was lucky to have kept journals from the time I was 10, so I went back and read them. The evidence of the abuse is right there on the pages. What's amazing is that I've read those journals as an adult before and just skimmed right on through the abusive entries, completely dissociating myself from them. I always abhored my journals and considered them to be untrue versions of myself that I projected onto pages just for the heck of it. I almost threw them away on several occasions, but something kept me from going through with it. It was one of the hardest punches in the gut to realize that I wasn't projecting anything onto those pages except for reality, loneliness, and pain.

It has been a very difficult couple of weeks but I am seeing changes in myself. I was just able for the first time to tell my boss how I really felt about an assignment that has been giving me grief for several months. My typical MO would be to blame the assignment and blame my boss for even thinking of the assignment. That's definitely the trantrum my inner child wanted to throw. Instead I was able to own the difficulty I was having and admit defeat. That kind of ownership over my negative emotions is brand new to me.

How is everyone else on this thread is doing with their inner child?

[Woolspinner2000]

Lisita and Lise,

Please do come up and help Lil Wools and I in the hay barn. It's such a fun place to be! Watch out for the cracks between the hay bales. And we decided to have tea and cookies (aka saltines and water) in Lil Wool's doll tea set. If we are really quiet, we might see the baby kittens come out too! 

Woolspinner

[thereishope]

I can't conjur up an inner child, and I don't know what that means.

Turkish -- If I had to guess (and if I'm presuming too much, I apologize in advance), I'd say it means that you're a very effective caretaker of everyone around you except for yourself. It means you don't feel your inner child is worthy of your time because your kids, etc. are more worthy/deserving. It's a choice you're probably making unconsciously.

Can I ask you, do you goof off with your kids? Not just take care of them, but actually engage in absurd and foolish play with them with your guard down? Are they young enough to get really goofy and absurd with?

GG,

This actually struck something in me... .I, myself, definitely have a hard time being goofy with my kids... .I feel so "serious" and stuffy, but I know that down deep I am happy-go-lucky, go with the flow, spontaneous, fun-loving easy-going... ., so this really doesn't make sense... .Any thoughts on allowing one's "inner child" to play here/now, unhindered?  I definitely feel like I have "stuffed/stifled" my true nature with adult life/concerns... .

[Mutt]

I'd have to say I have a serious demeanor as well. I find it hard sometimes to relax and let go around adults. With the kids, D9, S6, S3 I completely let go and get really silly and goofy with them. Jim Carrey slap-stick stuff. I have the kids howling with laughter. I love it and they love it as well. It's therapeutic for me and it's a lot of fun.

[gentlestguardian]

I, myself, definitely have a hard time being goofy with my kids... .I feel so "serious" and stuffy, but I know that down deep I am happy-go-lucky, go with the flow, spontaneous, fun-loving easy-going... .

Thereishope, I can absolutely relate to this. It was actually the very thing that got me to start looking at my behavior and asking why I act the way I do. I found myself so stuffy with my two step-kids. I found myself resenting them for no reason and for snapping at them for no reason. It was my biggest wake-up call that something was very wrong with the way I was viewing the world, and the way I was feeling. It didn't make sense to me either. Deep down, I know I am goofy and fun-loving and carefree.

It was only after I started accepting that my BPDm is abusive, and that I had suffered abuse all my life and am still suffering from it, that I was able to start letting go around the kids and seeing them as kids. All the resentment and snapping was a result of my constantly having my guard up with them. Not because of anything they were doing, but because of how wounded I was. I was basically just waiting for them to hurt me.

[Woolspinner2000]

Gentlestguardian,

For those of you who have replied to this thread, or have wanted to but didn't, have you seen any changes in yourself since you've started acknowleding your inner child?

I've posted a couple of times to this thread. Don't know if you read something I posted a few weeks ago where Ziggiddy encouraged me to get in touch with my inner child. As I began to speak with my T about this whole topic, I could sense myself finally being ready to step into this new part of the healing process. So for the last 2 or 3 weeks I've finally begun to get to know her. I'm working at finding her, being in touch with her, listening and interacting with her. How little I was prepared for the memories that are accompanying this! My T is encouraging me constantly to keep going, to be safe, and to get to know that inner child. I've learned a lot just from reading the posts, especially that we are all in this together. It's been amazing so far. Scary too, but good.

Wools

[Shelle]

My inner child didn't talk much, but I want to tell her... .

Shelley, come home with me!  We can learn, grow, and see the world together.  We can talk and laugh as long as you want.  I won't ignore you because you are little, and I won't laugh at you if you say something "wrong" because we are both learning.  I won't laugh at you when you cry, but hold you until you feel better.  I won't beat you because you are still learning.  Most of all, I promise you'll never feel alone, except when you want to be alone.

[thereishope]

Gentlestguardian,

For those of you who have replied to this thread, or have wanted to but didn't, have you seen any changes in yourself since you've started acknowleding your inner child?

I've posted a couple of times to this thread. Don't know if you read something I posted a few weeks ago where Ziggiddy encouraged me to get in touch with my inner child. As I began to speak with my T about this whole topic, I could sense myself finally being ready to step into this new part of the healing process. So for the last 2 or 3 weeks I've finally begun to get to know her. I'm working at finding her, being in touch with her, listening and interacting with her. How little I was prepared for the memories that are accompanying this! My T is encouraging me constantly to keep going, to be safe, and to get to know that inner child. I've learned a lot just from reading the posts, especially that we are all in this together. It's been amazing so far. Scary too, but good.

Wools

I'm seriously thinking I need to just take a pen and a piece of paper and start writing to little me... .from the beginning... .I really don't have much memory from my childhood... .only little snippets here and there... .but I want to allow myself to be aware of my WHOLE LIFE from the beginning... .  and comfort the me that went through whatever I went through and find love for myself there somewhere... .I am thinking this will be an awesomely helpful exercise.

[thereishope]

My inner child didn't talk much, but I want to tell her... .

Shelley, come home with me!  We can learn, grow, and see the world together.  We can talk and laugh as long as you want.  I won't ignore you because you are little, and I won't laugh at you if you say something "wrong" because we are both learning.  I won't laugh at you when you cry, but hold you until you feel better.  I won't beat you because you are still learning.  Most of all, I promise you'll never feel alone, except when you want to be alone.

Can I come too?  I'd like to sit with you too... .and just "be ok somewhere" along with you... .

[thereishope]

I, myself, definitely have a hard time being goofy with my kids... .I feel so "serious" and stuffy, but I know that down deep I am happy-go-lucky, go with the flow, spontaneous, fun-loving easy-going... .

Thereishope, I can absolutely relate to this. It was actually the very thing that got me to start looking at my behavior and asking why I act the way I do. I found myself so stuffy with my two step-kids. I found myself resenting them for no reason and for snapping at them for no reason. It was my biggest wake-up call that something was very wrong with the way I was viewing the world, and the way I was feeling. It didn't make sense to me either. Deep down, I know I am goofy and fun-loving and carefree.

Exactly.

It was only after I started accepting that my BPDm is abusive, and that I had suffered abuse all my life and am still suffering from it, that I was able to start letting go around the kids and seeing them as kids. All the resentment and snapping was a result of my constantly having my guard up with them. Not because of anything they were doing, but because of how wounded I was. I was basically just waiting for them to hurt me.

I'm trying to get here... .I know this has nothing to do with them... .Only my own poor choices, and the stress that uBPDh's abuse has caused inside of me.  I definitely don't want to take it out on them... .and I want to stop becoming more like uBPDh... .

[catclaw]

She's furious for not ever being seen by NPD dad. Raging, misbehaving, being bratty just to get some attention - knowing she has to be exactly like him to be seen anyway.

you don't have to be as rich or prestigious as he is. inside he's just empty. that's why he puts you down and feels like a king if he knows more than you with your 7 years. you will never impress him. he's always ahead of you. and you know why? because he is an adult with an academic carreer and should not compare you to himself every second of the day. one day you will see that you are a person of worth and you don't need to live a life you hate just to meet his expectations. i wish we could do this father/daughter stuff you always wish to do. i'm just afraid i can't replace him.

[thereishope]

She's furious for not ever being seen by NPD dad. Raging, misbehaving, being bratty just to get some attention - knowing she has to be exactly like him to be seen anyway.

you don't have to be as rich or prestigious as he is. inside he's just empty. that's why he puts you down and feels like a king if he knows more than you with your 7 years. you will never impress him. he's always ahead of you. and you know why? because he is an adult with an academic carreer and should not compare you to himself every second of the day. one day you will see that you are a person of worth and you don't need to live a life you hate just to meet his expectations. i wish we could do this father/daughter stuff you always wish to do. i'm just afraid i can't replace him.

 

[gentlestguardian]

I've posted a couple of times to this thread. Don't know if you read something I posted a few weeks ago where Ziggiddy encouraged me to get in touch with my inner child. As I began to speak with my T about this whole topic, I could sense myself finally being ready to step into this new part of the healing process. So for the last 2 or 3 weeks I've finally begun to get to know her. I'm working at finding her, being in touch with her, listening and interacting with her. How little I was prepared for the memories that are accompanying this! My T is encouraging me constantly to keep going, to be safe, and to get to know that inner child. I've learned a lot just from reading the posts, especially that we are all in this together. It's been amazing so far. Scary too, but good.

Wools,  . It is really scary, isn't it? But so invaluable to our sense of self. I'm glad you're benefiting from it . It is comforting to me that so many have responded to this thread and been brave enough to share what's so intimate to them. In some sense, I feel like engaging in this thread has given my inner child a voice in a public forum, and that in itself has made Little Guardian feel infinitely less invisible.

[clljhns]

Okay, so been having some conversations with inner child. Talked to therapist about this, and he suggested that I apologize for ignoring her for so long. So, now, she is talking. She was very angry at first and just kept telling me how much she hated our parents. I have had several dreams about her and the abuse. I had forgotten some things, but she brought them to the forefront for the both of us to address. Recently, I have been listening to "Is Forever Enough?" by the Dixie Chicks. While I am not a fan of country music, I came across this song as was struck by the lyrics. After investigating the story behind the song, I discovered that it was written for their newborn children. So, now I listen to the song, wrap my inner child in a warm blanket and sing to her. She smiles at me, her front teeth missing, and I am amazed at how beautiful she is. She is a treasure. A beautiful and wistful soul. I am truly hearing her for the first time. So much pain is being transformed into something truly amazing. A feeling of warmth, contentment, and peace, all rolled into one package. What an amazing discovery. I was so frightened for so long to really approach her, because I really didn't think I had the tools to help her. How foolish of me to have waited so long.  After all, what does it really take to love someone?

Thank you for this thread. It has brought me to a new place of understanding and hope.

Peace and blessings to all! 

[lm1109]

I dont know how to talk to my inner child. I dont hear anything when I try. When I look at photos of myself as a little girl I feel sad for her... like Im detached. When I see myself as a teen I feel embarassed and ashamed of who I was... .I dont feel sorry just uncomfortable. When I think of my little child self I see big scared brown eyes... confused. I guess if I could talk to that little girl today as a 27 year old woman Id say we are on our way and we will get there... .wherever "there" is we are on our way!

[Ziggiddy]

clljhns

standing up and applauding you.

[catclaw]

Ok, so...

I started to  become more an more angry with the pwBPD in my life to a point of being irrational my personal health being in danger.

I wonder if this is little me, trying to make a point?

Rage is her basic feeling anyway and these strong, destructive feelings are certainly not mine as I feel them being over the top and not in any way appropriate.

We're in a familiar situation I've already experienced from other points of view and I just can't get to the point that makes me feel this way. It's getting worse and worse and my body is already reacting.

Inner children tend to react irrationaly on an emotional level, don't they?

[Ziggiddy]

Inner children tend to react irrationaly on an emotional level, don't they?

catclaw - yes! Yes they do. Mostly because that's where their development was arrested and because they might feel that no one likes to listen to them! We disconnect in order to survive. i think those little beings are potent and resourceful to find a way to survive intolerable situations until their adult self is willing to acknowledge them and connect with them.

Sometimes self hate self disgust and regular self attack makes them almost inaccessible.

We take on the role of criticising ourselves that is the legacy of our hypercritical parents as that is the voice we are most familiar with. Then negativity and criticism start to feel like home. listening to your inner child crying becomes too heart rending even at the point where ignoring them is no longer necessary hence we ignore it and remain disconnected and our emotions come out in other ways. Addictions. Self criticism. Hypervigilance. Fear. Compulsion. Catastrophic thinking.

Or even more sophisticated - reasoning. Justification. Deep breathing. meditation. Anything at all to silence the voice or to reason it away. One thing we DO know how to do is not feel. And from not feeling comes deep immense and unacknowledged pain.

There is great freedom in irrationality! I never discount the brain's effectiveness at finding solutions in panic.

[Woolspinner2000]

I am suddenly finding myself becoming quieter inside. It's not constant, but noticeable enough that I recognize I'm totally unfamiliar with it, and I think it's all due to getting to know Lil Wools. I'm starting to grab on to the fact that when I'm unsettled within, I need to investigate and see where she is and what is going on with her. She talks a lot more than I thought she would, and the things she shares with me either through those words or through the feelings coming from within her tell me far more than I've ever been able to figure out by myself.

I loved what clljhns said:

I am truly hearing her for the first time. So much pain is being transformed into something truly amazing.

And Ziggiddy, for me you hit it out of the park with your post. How very true.

Sometimes self hate self disgust and regular self attack makes them almost inaccessible.

We take on the role of criticising ourselves that is the legacy of our hypercritical parents as that is the voice we are most familiar with.

One thing we DO know how to do is not feel. And from not feeling comes deep immense and unacknowledged pain.

I suddenly find myself so extremely tired of being angry with myself, with Lil Wools.  The more I get to know her, the less I want to criticize her anymore.

Wools

[lm1109]

I read this post the other day and it kind of bothered me that I just didnt "get it." I havent been in therapy for years and I have never given my inner child, any thought, to be honest. I'm a stuffer who shove things deep and trys to move on. An incredible thing happened to me just now. I was up in my sons room cleaning out some things in his closet. I started pulling things down from his high top shelf and there stuffed in the very very back was MY Teddy! I must have put him there almost 6 years ago. I knew I had him saved somewhere because i could never get rid of him, but I totally forgot he was up there. This post went through my head as I stared at my Teddy! I had this flood of emotions, and I remembered why this bear meant so much to me as a kid. It was my best friend in a family that ignored me as a small child. I had all these memories of me clinging onto him, crying into him(SO many times)... .I couldnt sleep without him, I kept him on my bed much longer than I probably should have... . I remember my mom hated him when I was little... she made fun of me for naming it "Teddy" (I got him when I was about 3) She hated that I HAD to take him everywhere because he was beat up and dirty! I moved out at 18 and made it a point to go get him out of the storage cubby I had him stored in as a teenager. She had a field day making fun of me for not being able to throw that "thing" away! For the first time in YEARS I just saw myself as a little kid and I almost broke down and then my one year old crawled over yanked Teddy out my hands and tried eating his nose!    I intoduced him to my kids. I guess this would be the first step in finding my inner child! I find it to be quite a coincidence that I found my bear after reading this post just a few days ago! Just thought Id share! 

[catclaw]

lm1109     

lovely story  i wish you all the best!

[clljhns]

Thank you Ziggidy!

lm1109-loved what you wrote about your recent discovery! I agree, it was not a coincidence. I had a stuffed kitten that served the same purpose for me as a child. I still have that raggedy kitten, with one button eye missing. When I moved out of state several years ago, I came across the kitten and was prepared to retire her, when my daughter saw her and asked me about her. We talked about her significance, and I expressed to my daughter that I was contemplating getting rid of her because she is now in a state of deterioration. My daughter emphatically stated that I should keep her and requested that she have her as a memento of my childhood. So, I gave her to my daughter for safe keeping. Interestingly, my daughter has a stuffed puppy, named Puppa, that she still has to this day. He served a similar purpose for my daughter. I very much enjoyed reading your story, as it helped to validate my own, and also helps to create a connection to those here that share a similar story.

Peace and blessings! 

[Woolspinner2000]

Im1109,

Thank you for sharing your touching story!  I am so very glad that you saved that teddy bear for this time in your life. For many of us our pwBPD got rid of many of our things, so it is truly a great treasure. And to think how your Teddy has helped you re-connect with your inner child. A happy sigh for you... .

In the past couple of weeks I felt very odd yet strangely excited to be shopping for a box of new crayons, a coloring book, a paint by number project with a horse on it, construction paper, and chalk. To smell those new crayons brought back memories of me coloring with my brother as a little girl. It is relaxing to enjoy these childhood activities once again, and the memories associated are the safe ones so far.

Wools

[catclaw]

Im1109,

In the past couple of weeks I felt very odd yet strangely excited to be shopping for a box of new crayons, a coloring book, a paint by number project with a horse on it, construction paper, and chalk. To smell those new crayons brought back memories of me coloring with my brother as a little girl. It is relaxing to enjoy these childhood activities once again, and the memories associated are the safe ones so far.

Wools

i'm lucky i had a happy childhood (with a very strict and expecting and demanding NPD father who was hardly ever home), but my mom (who had a really terrbile childhood herself) did all this stuff she never get to do when she was little, with me when i was a little girl. my brother is very much older than i am, but they did different stuff. when there was me as a little girl, she was able to fulfill every activity little mommy wished to do, but with me. she said that this was just healing for her. but at times she cried and cried and i never got why... .that was when the "unsafe" memories came back to her. still happens every now and then, but we both know why and found our ways to deal with this.

[lm1109]

 Thank you Woolspinner it hit me when you said that many of our BPD parents got rid of our stuff. I almost typed it out in my post that it was amazing that I ended getting tobkeep him because she would ALWAYS get rid of my stuff. Ive thought about this and have gotten angry but never connected it as a BPD trait untill now! She was constantly giving my things away without asking me or when I would ask her if she knew where something was she would smirk and carelessly say "Oh I gave that to goodwill" It made me extremly mad because we were poor and I didnt have many possessions to begin with! I knew she did it just to hurt me. The worst example of this was my cat(for some reason my cat hated her... .cant imagine why... .) When I was about 17 we got in a huge fight and I left and stayed at a friends house for about a week. I was FORCED to come home by her becsuse I wasnt 18 yet. When I came home she said(as it were no big deal at all) "By the way your cat ran away." The cat was mainly an outdoor cat  (she didnt want it in the house) But I would let him in my room when it was cold and when no one was home... .it did NOT just run away! I was furious and when I questionedvher she would play dumb. Then one day when no one else was around I said something about my cat. ans she had this chilling cold face and said "maybe it went looking for you when you ran away!" IThat undoubtedly was admission... .I remember feeling sick to my stomachad scared of her. It kept me up at night and I still wonder did she just take it to the pound (I checked and couldnt find him in any of the ones near us) Im pretty sure I believe that she killed him just to hurt me!  Anyways Im surprised I was able to keep my bear as well... .when I finally decided to put him in storage as a kid I remember hiding him as well as I could... .and thats why I went back at 18 and got him, I knew if I ever found him she would take great joy in yhrowing him out. Its amazing how this board conjures up all these memories I had stuffed.  It hurts to remember them but its such validation for me when I find myself in her traps of making me feel like IM the crazy one. It also makes me so thankful for my life right now. Im sorry I dont know how to do the quote thing... .but someone posted that she would thank her inner child for being so strong and getting her to where she is today. It made me cry because its so true... .I dont know how the little me did it!

[Ziggiddy]

lm1109

Technical - to insert quotes, just go to the comment that the quote is in and on the top RH corner is the option 'Insert quote' function. That will bring the entire comment into your conversation box. Delete out the excess parts, ensuring you leave the initial command at the beginning of the quote (it will look something like this:

then ensure it is finished with the end quote command 

which will be at the bottom of the comment.

Anything inside those two lines will come up as a quote.

On the personal side that is a shocking sad story about your cat. No matter what happened it was an awful thing to say to you anyhow. Almost psychopathic. I am very very sorry for you to have gone through that awful experience

[Pingo]

I generally hang out in the 'leaving' board but I have been lurking here for a while, reading through posts, trying to make sense of my childhood & mother who may be BPD.  This is a lovely thread and has brought tears to my eyes reading through it.  I have been working on inner-child stuff, using John Bradshaw's books and also doing the 'Little me Big me' exercises from "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson.  Both books have been invaluable.  Mostly I have discovered that 'Little Pingo' has been ignored for far too long and she is really untrusting.  She is also very, very frightened that I'm going to push her away again (along with all the feelings and pain) by numbing myself out or getting into another dysfunctional r/s.  I've had to give her a lot of reassurance.  And I've been making promises to her and am committed to keeping them.  I have also imagined how I would nurture and love her as I nurture and love my own children.  If I have a hard time imagining her when I'm doing these exercises, I imagine my S10 and what he would need in the given situation.  This helps me 'feel' the emotions.

I read this post the other day and it kind of bothered me that I just didnt "get it." I havent been in therapy for years and I have never given my inner child, any thought, to be honest. I'm a stuffer who shove things deep and trys to move on. An incredible thing happened to me just now. I was up in my sons room cleaning out some things in his closet. I started pulling things down from his high top shelf and there stuffed in the very very back was MY Teddy! I must have put him there almost 6 years ago. I knew I had him saved somewhere because i could never get rid of him, but I totally forgot he was up there. This post went through my head as I stared at my Teddy! I had this flood of emotions, and I remembered why this bear meant so much to me as a kid. It was my best friend in a family that ignored me as a small child. I had all these memories of me clinging onto him, crying into him(SO many times)... .I couldnt sleep without him, I kept him on my bed much longer than I probably should have... . I remember my mom hated him when I was little... she made fun of me for naming it "Teddy" (I got him when I was about 3) She hated that I HAD to take him everywhere because he was beat up and dirty! I moved out at 18 and made it a point to go get him out of the storage cubby I had him stored in as a teenager. She had a field day making fun of me for not being able to throw that "thing" away! For the first time in YEARS I just saw myself as a little kid and I almost broke down and then my one year old crawled over yanked Teddy out my hands and tried eating his nose!    I intoduced him to my kids. I guess this would be the first step in finding my inner child! I find it to be quite a coincidence that I found my bear after reading this post just a few days ago! Just thought Id share! 

lm1109, I had a similar experience recently, with all this inner work I pulled out a box I've kept in storage with pictures and momentos from my childhood.  In there was my 'Teddy'.  He's been packed away since I was a young teenager but I never wanted to get rid of him, there is still such an attachment there.  I pulled him out, he smelled all musty, but I slept with him that night... .and every night since!  It has brought me unexpected comfort and reminds me that it's okay to be kind and loving to that little girl inside me.  My S10 gets a real kick out of it as he has a Teddy also and we both curl up in my bed reading with our teddies!

Thank you so much for this thread, so healing!

[Sofie]

Most of all, I think my inner child would say, "Please, just allow me to be a child. Allow me to be silly, scared, unreasonable, messy, of poor judgement, unable to contain my feelings, playful and goofy. Don't expect me to reason like an adult, to control myself, to bottle up my feelings, to understand, to bear with you, to wait, to be "sensible" and brave." Allow me not to be who you would like me to be."

[weez2424]

What a great question.  I think my inner chid would say:

Please take better care of me. 

You're working too hard and not taking breaks, and spending too much time trying to please everyone. 

Don't forget about me. 

Give yourself and me a break. 

We get moody and frustrated and sometimes don't handle situations perfectly, and that's ok. 

Let me play.  Let me explore. Let me take risks without all the fear stuff.  Let me enjoy life again.

Take care of and protect me. 

If people cannot talk to you and treat you with love and respect, you do not need to take it. 

If someone is mad at you because you set a limit, do not feel guilty for setting limits.  That's not your fault.  You get to take care of you and me.   

[thereishope]

Most of all, I think my inner child would say, "Please, just allow me to be a child. Allow me to be silly, scared, unreasonable, messy, of poor judgement, unable to contain my feelings, playful and goofy. Don't expect me to reason like an adult, to control myself, to bottle up my feelings, to understand, to bear with you, to wait, to be "sensible" and brave." Allow me not to be who you would like me to be."

 

[ziniztar]

Most of all, I think my inner child would say, "Please, just allow me to be a child. Allow me to be silly, scared, unreasonable, messy, of poor judgement, unable to contain my feelings, playful and goofy. Don't expect me to reason like an adult, to control myself, to bottle up my feelings, to understand, to bear with you, to wait, to be "sensible" and brave." Allow me not to be who you would like me to be."

 

indeed, triple  

[pessim-optimist]

I've been reading this thread for a while now and all the wonderful posts in it, and thinking about my inner child.

What would little Pessi say? Now little Pessi really is an Opti, but has been discouraged by life.

In spite of the fact that I've been nurturing her for a while now, I didn't know what she would say. And there was a loong silence at first. My inner child wasn't frightened, just very sad and lonely, and I guess somewhat distrustful of the attention she was getting, because it never lasts.

Now, I think she would say: "Will you sit with me? Will you play with me, will you talk to me? Will you just be with me, pay attention and care, I've been so lonely and alone... .:'( "

"How have you been alone, little Pessi? Aren't I always with you?" Says I. "Well, you are me," says her, "Now you can take care of me, but when I was little, it was just me... ."