Dealing with the silent treatment

[Depression = 72% of members]

There is a great art me about the silent treatment in the Wall Street journal today. May be helpful. It was to me. Just FYI.

Question: I am not talking to my uBPAw verbally to protect from angry outbursts and in essay blame and criticism. I am happy to  ommunicAte via email or text and I listen to her voicemails. Would this be considered silent treatment or not?

[Solechanger]

There is a great art me about the silent treatment in the Wall Street journal today. May be helpful. It was to me. Just FYI.

Question: I am not talking to my uBPAw verbally to protect from angry outbursts and in essay blame and criticism. I am happy to  ommunicAte via email or text and I listen to her voicemails. Would this be considered silent treatment or not?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Grey Kitty]

Yeah, the push/pull is tough.

When it comes to honesty... . I can't really fault somebody for dishonesty when they believe it sincerely themselves. Yes, they are lying to themselves, but that is a different problem... .

As for what I did to help my wife? One thing was stop enabling--I dealt with some anger... . more pushing my buttons so I would get angry than expressing the anger directly, actually.

When I enforced boundaries against verbal abuse, circular arguments, etc. that was some serious tough love for my wife--she was dealing with tough emotions by dumping them on me... . when I left her company, she had nobody but herself to dump them on at first... . which she did before she realized how toxic it was, then tried to stop entirely.

I also was very good at being less invalidating--not JADEing. I tried to be more validating, and did get better, although I feel I still have much room to improve. I know that taking better care of myself really helped us both.

When you talk about putting rules on things... . don't do it that way. Rules aren't effective. Instead try to accept that this is how it is with her. Try to let go of expectations. And just know that she will go through cycles, and that the real person isn't one part of the cycle or the other--both are real parts of her.

[ziniztar]

There is a great art me about the silent treatment in the Wall Street journal today. May be helpful. It was to me. Just FYI.

Question: I am not talking to my uBPAw verbally to protect from angry outbursts and in essay blame and criticism. I am happy to  ommunicAte via email or text and I listen to her voicemails. Would this be considered silent treatment or not?

Good article indeed.

I think you stepping away from live communication while engaging in other ways is not considered a silent treatment. However, it's not ideal either. Try to show some courage and create a safe place for your pwBPD to discuss their feelings. Sometimes it means you have to go first. If you give safety, trust, honesty... sometimes you get it back (although in pwBPD's, you'lll probably have to go first most of the time ).