welcome back, Pytagoras. its good to see you again.
all of us came here as a result of a dysfunctional relationship that finally broke. there is a real learning curve when it comes to getting back in the dating world. i personally got into two relationships where i honestly dont know what in the world i was doing, big mistakes. its hard to admit, but i had some immature ideas of what a healthy, intimate relationship looked like. i had a lot of immaturity of my own.
thats part of what dating is about, really. discovering who we are, who others are, making better choices, and how it all fits together. to be successful in love, that discovery needs to evolve.
She is really idealizing me, saying that i am the one, that feels for me like she never felt for everyone and i really can see the intensity of her feelings.
we all idealize new romantic partners. ive probably told every girl ive ever been with that they were the most beautiful girl in the world, or some variation of that.
the issue is really what we make of it, and what we do with it...how we respond to it. its neither something to be afraid of, or something to over invest in.
it may be that the person has stronger feelings than you do. it may be that the person is feeling vulnerable and trying to connect more deeply with you. it may be a lot of things, but determining whether its something that is pathological and a sign of say, extreme black and white thinking, is difficult if not impossible in the early stages of a relationship, and probably hypervigilant.
i didn't watch 2 or 3 videos she shared with me (i was working a lot at the time and i forgot).
youre going to see a lot of this in the dating world, Pytagoras. we all spend a lot of the early stages of a relationship trying to teach someone how to love us. for a lot of women (men too) it can come in the form of videos, or inspirational quotes, or relationship compatibility quizzes, etc. for me, its trying to share my favorite music or movies. and not engaging can be interpreted as a lack of interest, lack of commitment, or even rejection.
thats not to say you were wrong or messed up. its clear this relationship didnt, and wasnt going to work out. its just to say you will run into this again.
But then, out of the blue, she breaks up for minor things
its not a great sign. its also not at all uncommon, in the early stages of a relationship, for a breakup to occur over minor things. i knew a girl who broke up with a guy because he ate his ice cream with a fork. it happens. but i think the real lesson here is that if there are multiple breakups/makeups in the span of 4 months, you have a relationship that is pretty unlikely to stabilize.
"our personalities don't match"
isnt that ultimately what it boils down to?