Dreadful feeling recycle attempt is coming up

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I wonder if anyone else that had multiple recycles (I had around 10) has the same feeling I have right before a recycle attempt by their ex is coming up.

I'm close to a month of seperation and a week or two on NC. The pattern usually is that Im painted blacker than black in the beginning (fair enough, as Im usually the one to initiate the break up cause I cant handle the constant drama). After a week or three to four I get this strange feeling in my stomach. Where the first few weeks I can literally feel her thinking black about me, after a while it feels like its just not that way anymore.

And what do you know, suddenly Im not blocked on instagram and whatsapp no more. I have her blocked on instagram and facebook though, whatsapp I never managed although she was the one that initiated no contact. I just have this feeling she's going to try and talk to me in the upcoming days.

Which is not what I need right now, as Im not over her. If I was, i wouldnt have noticed Im unblocked. The scary thing is, Im somewhat hoping for her to break the NC. At least to validate the thoughts that she is indeed BPD. We cant recycle anymore though, too mich has happened and she has rented her own appartment now. It makes the gap too big (as far as im concerned anyway).

So, in short: anyone had these feelings right before it happened? Perhaps because of routine we're so used to it happening? And what will become of me if she doesnt break NC in a few days? Will I be dissapointed?

[CloseToFreedom]

I wonder if anyone else that had multiple recycles (I had around 10) has the same feeling I have right before a recycle attempt by their ex is coming up.

I'm close to a month of seperation and a week or two on NC. The pattern usually is that Im painted blacker than black in the beginning (fair enough, as Im usually the one to initiate the break up cause I cant handle the constant drama). After a week or three to four I get this strange feeling in my stomach. Where the first few weeks I can literally feel her thinking black about me, after a while it feels like its just not that way anymore.

And what do you know, suddenly Im not blocked on instagram and whatsapp no more. I have her blocked on instagram and facebook though, whatsapp I never managed although she was the one that initiated no contact. I just have this feeling she's going to try and talk to me in the upcoming days.

Which is not what I need right now, as Im not over her. If I was, i wouldnt have noticed Im unblocked. The scary thing is, Im somewhat hoping for her to break the NC. At least to validate the thoughts that she is indeed BPD. We cant recycle anymore though, too mich has happened and she has rented her own appartment now. It makes the gap too big (as far as im concerned anyway).

So, in short: anyone had these feelings right before it happened? Perhaps because of routine we're so used to it happening? And what will become of me if she doesnt break NC in a few days? Will I be dissapointed?

[NonAverageJoe]

Tough duality. What would you even say? What do you think she would say?

I'm in the same boat. Though I just want an excuse to dish it out.

[misty_red]

So, in short: anyone had these feelings right before it happened? Perhaps because of routine we're so used to it happening? And what will become of me if she doesnt break NC in a few days? Will I be dissapointed?

The first time just some days right before my exBPDgf showed up I had a weird feeling in my gut. Was anxious and nervous all day. Very tingly. The whole week I was very unsettled. I thought it was because of her having her birthday in that exact week so I brushed it off. Also my head told me she'd never show up again. Guess what? Two days after her birthday (where I didn't congratulate) she showed up at a sport's match (we used to play in the same team some time) to see her old team play (Yeah, right... .). And I kid you not, the morning of the day the match took place I knew, I just knew she'd show up and the only thing I needed to do was to wait for her appearing at the match and she did.

Second time she showed up something similar happened. Same tingly feeling, like an animal being high on alert. At some point my gut just KNOWS that there's some recycle attempt coming. I don't know why. Maybe due to her "natural" cycling behaviour and I'm just used to it? But yeah, I feel it. I definitely feel it when a recycle attempt is coming and it's creepy.

You might be dissapointed a bit but then you'll feel better. At least that's what happens to me. As I said before: she always showed up when I had that feeling but in the beginning of NC I wanted her to reach out to me so badly and she never did. And yes, I was dissapointed but at the other hand I was glad because her showing up always meant that I might break NC and that's not good. Right now I'm in a place where I rationally don't want her to show up ever again because everytime she does I'm getting anxious again and I don't want that anymore. She's like plague. Still on the other hand in weak moments I'd like to see her again. It's still a fight between emotions and brain - but the brain nowadays always wins and that's a good thing and what might happen to you, too.

[CloseToFreedom]

Yeah, I just need to stop living my life through her so much and focus on myself. It's hard, especially with the upcoming holidays... .

[Infern0]

When we recycled last time I kind of knew it was coming,  I had a dream about her and was starting to kind of weaken in my resolve to keep her out of my life and sure enough she came back.

I know for a damn fact she will be back again at some point because this time I handled her ___ like a boss and walked away,  she only bridge burns when she has fully broken someone.

It's not really a case of if, but when.  This time I ain't taking her back into my life,  she's too toxic.

[CloseToFreedom]

When we recycled last time I kind of knew it was coming,  I had a dream about her and was starting to kind of weaken in my resolve to keep her out of my life and sure enough she came back.

I know for a damn fact she will be back again at some point because this time I handled her ___ like a boss and walked away,  she only bridge burns when she has fully broken someone.

It's not really a case of if, but when.  This time I ain't taking her back into my life,  she's too toxic.

Absolutely. I need to stay the hell away from her. She's done nothing but give me misery in 4 years time, although there were of course great moments. If she'd try to get back, it would just repeat the pattern. No use.

[Infern0]

When we recycled last time I kind of knew it was coming,  I had a dream about her and was starting to kind of weaken in my resolve to keep her out of my life and sure enough she came back.

I know for a damn fact she will be back again at some point because this time I handled her ___ like a boss and walked away,  she only bridge burns when she has fully broken someone.

It's not really a case of if, but when.  This time I ain't taking her back into my life,  she's too toxic.

Absolutely. I need to stay the hell away from her. She's done nothing but give me misery in 4 years time, although there were of course great moments. If she'd try to get back, it would just repeat the pattern. No use.

Just be careful because after a while when the dust settles and you start feeling better,  you can kind of fool yourself that the right thing to do is to forgive and that it'd be nice to be able to be on friendly terms. Especially if they reach out to apologise to you. That's what happened to me, before you know it you are telling yourself that texting occasionally is "safe", and then "meeting up for a quick coffee won't do any harm"

You see where I'm going with this.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

It would be nice if my ex would send me a text saying how much she has missed me, how well she is doing now in therapy - how she hopes we can reconcile and one day marry and live happily ever after.  

Unfortunately I know it will never happen.  Sad - the disorder will never allow this to happen, even if the text says it will.

[Infern0]

It would be nice if my ex would send me a text saying how much she has missed me, how well she is doing now in therapy - how she hopes we can reconcile and one day marry and live happily ever after.  

Unfortunately I know it will never happen.  Sad - the disorder will never allow this to happen, even the text says it will.

It wouldn't be nice at all bro because you'd probably belive that bull___ and get sucked back into the wave of destruction.

That's kind of what I fear the most,  that she'd construct such a good lie and I'd fall for it.

Thankfully I don't think she's smart enough to work out the angles that'd really weaken me. If she had two braincells she'd be really dangerous.

[Splitblack4good]

I wonder if anyone else that had multiple recycles (I had around 10) has the same feeling I have right before a recycle attempt by their ex is coming up.

I'm close to a month of seperation and a week or two on NC. The pattern usually is that Im painted blacker than black in the beginning (fair enough, as Im usually the one to initiate the break up cause I cant handle the constant drama). After a week or three to four I get this strange feeling in my stomach. Where the first few weeks I can literally feel her thinking black about me, after a while it feels like its just not that way anymore.

And what do you know, suddenly Im not blocked on instagram and whatsapp no more. I have her blocked on instagram and facebook though, whatsapp I never managed although she was the one that initiated no contact. I just have this feeling she's going to try and talk to me in the upcoming days.

Which is not what I need right now, as Im not over her. If I was, i wouldnt have noticed Im unblocked. The scary thing is, Im somewhat hoping for her to break the NC. At least to validate the thoughts that she is indeed BPD. We cant recycle anymore though, too mich has happened and she has rented her own appartment now. It makes the gap too big (as far as im concerned anyway).

So, in short: anyone had these feelings right before it happened? Perhaps because of routine we're so used to it happening? And what will become of me if she doesnt break NC in a few days? Will I be dissapointed?

I've had 2/3 major recycles with my ex and endless splitting up for 2/3 days getting back together cycles this time I finished it for good she knew I was not putting up with her crap any longer and was calling her out on her lies and no sense behavior she did fool me a lot and thought she had me were she wanted me a few times with her gas lighting but I remained strong it's funny once I figured her out she insisted on a break! Bpd people hate it once you figure them out ! Next she tells me I've abandoned her a day after the mutual decision for a break she had no intention of us getting back together funny she tells me that after I break up with her ! She is now with a new bf 12 hours afterwards. Then I get all the blame and hatred!

I like you think that to much has been said and done now for a recycle when it goes wrong with my replacement I'm trying to get her out of my life for good right now ! She blocked me on her phone now has unblocked me but ignoring my requests to transfer over something that's in my name to hers ! I've told her I want nothing to do with her but I'm getting silence back! I have no idea what she is playing at im doing exactly what she has asked I thought she would be happy but something is telling me she is gona try to recycle me in the new year !