One year anniv approaches and she's playing games...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Oh, how was I not predicting this?

It's a few days to the one year anniversary and she's reaching out to close friends of mine via FB etc, with beautifully written passages expressing regret that they have chosen to excise her from their lives, and that she misses their friendships because, you know, they were her only friends , that she didn't have other friends, the inference being that I prevented her from doing so.

Despite the fact that I've made huge leaps towards healing, being (kindly) copied in to her messages by one friend, I found the all-to-familiar knot in the stomach, adrenal dump and shivers return.

We all know that anniversaries can prompt them to action. I just wish it didn't.

[Arminius]

Oh, how was I not predicting this?

It's a few days to the one year anniversary and she's reaching out to close friends of mine via FB etc, with beautifully written passages expressing regret that they have chosen to excise her from their lives, and that she misses their friendships because, you know, they were her only friends , that she didn't have other friends, the inference being that I prevented her from doing so.

Despite the fact that I've made huge leaps towards healing, being (kindly) copied in to her messages by one friend, I found the all-to-familiar knot in the stomach, adrenal dump and shivers return.

We all know that anniversaries can prompt them to action. I just wish it didn't.

[AG]

Funny you say that My ex just broke NC with me and this month is our anniversary month or would have been I should say.

[neverloveagain]

It does appear they dont forget birthdays and christmas i dread the mail on those days. Theres always a card my exBPDgf never sighns them but i know from the passages written in them who its from. They still fish dont get hooked and end up high and dry again 

[Arminius]

There is nothing on this earth that would make me get hooked with her again. Once yiuve met this kind of personality , you steer well clear.

[Mutt]

The knot in your stomach feeling is like you're walking on eggshells. It gets better after the first year after having gone through all the anniversaries. She's being waifish and wants people to feel sorry for her on social media.

[Arminius]

Mutt, I'm sure that's the case but I have total NC in media, calls, texts or emails. All I get it the info from close friends who know the facts.

I've explained BPD to them, and warned them of likely events.

Even tonight I called one to earn him and he said, 'yep, you're right, I was going to call you later and tell you she's messaged me... '

I told him what I'd guessed she'd said... .he was stunned at the accuracy.

Now that I know she is one of the 'tap on your shoulder from afar' types, I will be better prepared next time.

And there will, of course, be a next time.

[Mutt]

Mutt, I'm sure that's the case but I have total NC in media, calls, texts or emails. All I get it the info from close friends who know the facts.

I understand. I used to get triggered when family and friends would relay personal info on her life "Hey Mutt, I just ran into ex today and the new bf etc etc"

I politely told them "I'd appreciated it if you didn't give me info or talk about ex. I hope you understand, thanks."

It's over. I don't need to know what she's up to or have discussions about her. She's no longer a part of my life.

I had to set boundaries with family / friends parallel to low contact. Anything that helped me heal and minimize the triggers helped. I hope that helps.