Generally, I just let her get it out, and then I eventually steer the conversation back to what I believe the real issue is. However, it is getting really old. And I also don't like the direction these beliefs have been taking her behaviors.
Welcome to our place, lashed to the cosmic wheel.
You're doing better than most if you can steer the conversations.
All we can do is Validate their feelings, Boundary their behavior towards us, not JADE, use SET statements, manage our own expectations, and take care of ourselves.
My uBPDw is now referring to her ill behavior as "ball-busting" and steadfastly refuses to entertain the notion of therapy.