Christmas makes me sad

[Zabava]

Does anyone else struggle to feel joyful at this time of year?

[Methuen]

I think you have a LOT of company with this.  I've heard a SOO many people say "I hate this time of year" over my life.

My observation is that Christmas is a super stressful time of the year for so many reasons.  Advertising tells us we need to spend money many of us don't have, as if buying gifts is the best way to convey love .  People spend money they can't afford, and then struggle to pay for it.  There is a myth of the "ideal happy family" which comes together at Christmas time, and enjoys the perfect holiday season together, while serving roast turkey Christmas day "happily ever after".  The soulful song "I'll be home for Christmas" sung by Bing Crosby conveys dreamy family time together.  It's a storybook Christmas that just doesn't exist for everyone.  Instead many people find themselves forced to spend time with family members they maybe don't even feel safe around.  The season can be really painful where families have conflict, addiction, mental health, or other issues.  For some people, it's a really painful reminder of loss for those missing in their lives for one reason or another.  The first Christmas after a death of a family member is extraordinarily sad, lonely, and full of grief.  

Not to mention it's also a ton of extra WORK because of the pressure and expectations everyone feels.

The expectation of the perfect Christmas family time just doesn't fit with reality for many people.

I think we have to manage those "outside" expectations of this holiday season.  Identify and focus on our own internal personal values, and whatever brings meaning for each one of us at this time of year. Maybe find mindful ways to feel calm, and simple ways to experience joy, and ignore advertising and some of the media and music messaging around the mythical family holiday that just doesn't exist for so many people.  Think of little things to do for yourself each day that bring you joy, and do them.  Also, carry on as we always do - set boundaries, and practice self care.  Live in the moment.  Create our own joy, and not let others or social norms dictate where our joy should come from.  And also be ok with our feelings, whatever they are, as we work our way towards healing, personal growth, and yes, creating our own little moments of joy for ourselves, and others.

Just my thoughts and observations.  I think the number of people who struggle this time of year is bigger than many people realize.  

[JNChell]

Hey, Zabava. Yes. The holidays have a tendency to bring me down. I’ve noticed, this holiday season, that I become seasonally depressed. It’s not overwhelming anymore. It’s just blah. I did something different this year. I planned a great Xmas for my kiddo. I looked past my blah feelings this year.

My parents are dead. Almost a decade now. I don’t have to deal with them anymore. I have dreams and the occasional nightmare, but I’m not hounded by them. I guess that makes it easier.

I know that your current situation isn’t easy. I want to tell you something. There is life beyond the dysfunction. It’s ok to leave things that make you unhappy.

Ask yourself this. You’ve felt extreme happiness at points in your life. How did you feel while laughing that hard?

You can feel that way again.

[TelHill]

I think you have a LOT of company with this.  I've heard a SOO many people say "I hate this time of year" over my life.

My observation is that Christmas is a super stressful time of the year for so many reasons.  Advertising tells us we need to spend money many of us don't have, as if buying gifts is the best way to convey love .  People spend money they can't afford, and then struggle to pay for it.  There is a myth of the "ideal happy family" which comes together at Christmas time, and enjoys the perfect holiday season together, while serving roast turkey Christmas day "happily ever after".  

It is a rough time of year for me for the reasons Methuen mentions above.  It's especially tough this year as I see my family dynamics much more clearly thanks to this website. I miss my late husband too. That's what makes it the saddest for me.  

I hope you are able to share more of your struggles, Zabava.