... and in breaking news... it got much worse.

[daverisk]

Well, this is an interesting turn of events... .I snooped... .I know I'm not supposed to but I did.  I have her email password... .she doesn't know that.  I opened her email this morning... .on a hunch.  Found confirmed reservations for two in her name at a resort about two hours away for this weekend... .the weekend she is supposed to be starting her therapy... .no... .the hotel isn't near the hospital where she is supposedly getting treatment.

Not going to confront her about this... .she'd lie.  Currently... .the plan is to drive there Friday after work and just see her there.  No confrontation... .nothing like that... .I've had enough... .just go there... .see her (I don't even care if I know WHO she is with but the guesses are either the cousin or the person she's been staying with... .who seems to have broken up with his girlfriend yesterday).

Is it possible she made the reservations for someone else?  Sure, which is why I'm going personally... .to find out... .

If this is all as I suspect then I will talk to my lawyer on Monday and see about putting an end to this charade.  You know, it's not even the idea of the betrayal that bothers me... .it's that I'm paying for this... .I'm being made a fool of by her.  I've been giving her money for counseling... .if she's really going to counseling... .which at this point is in doubt... .and I'm supposed to give her $500 tomorrow morning for her portion of the hospital stay... .

Nope, no confrontations... .just confirmation... .then moving on with my life.  If I'm wrong... .if she really did make this reservation for someone else... .I'll know that soon enough too... .but I'm no longer a believer in coincidences... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[daverisk]

Updated to add that I've talked to my lawyer who is going to prepare a child custody agreement giving care of the children over to me... .not a divorce... .but a step in that direction if it needs to happen.  Asking my wife to my office to sign papers for my son's psychological testing before she goes to "treatment."  This lying has to stop.  Still undecided about whether or not to actually go to this hotel and get the evidence that tells me what I need to know.

[Notwendy]

If you want to catch her in this situation - you would have to act as if you don't have a clue. Bringing in child custody arrangements, or making changes could cause her to think you are on to her.

I am not the type to do sneaky things, but to know what is going on, she has to be unaware that you plan to go to the hotel. She could also cancel the reservation and go somewhere else.

One idea, if you really have suspicions and want evidence, is to hire a private investigator. That seems like a breech of privacy, but if you are already looking in emails and worried about being lied to, a PI would probably find evidence if it was there.

I think this all comes down to you ultimately. What is your boundary on cheating, or dishonesty? She may have an excuse- but if you can not trust her, this is something you will need to make a decision about for you about how much of this you wish to tolerate.

[Meili]

Not to contradict what Notwendy said, but can you pay the $500.00 directly to the treatment center rather than giving it your wife? Or, at least make a check or whatever payable to the treatment center rather than to her?

[daverisk]

I had originally considered waiting until next week to do the custody papers. In some ways this will all come to a head tomorrow.  I'm almost cornered into the custody papers.  Today my 7 year old stole $50 from my wallet and my 8 year old stole a card used by students to buy milk.  When my wife got them home she beat them... .left a bruise on the 8 year old.  Don't know now it will all turn out.  Scared... .but I think we've reached a boundary. She hurt the kids... .and If she's suppossed to be going to therapy and is having a fling instead that's another boundary.  Presenting the papers tomorrow as if I'm concerned about how she'll react to the therapy.