Introduction

[jazz5579]

My mother recently passed away which has now brought down the house... .so to say, with my sisters stability.  And although it has not been easy interacting with her, my mother was a the one person who provided the acceptance and love she so needed.  This is now gone and she is feeling ever so needy as well as increased splitting behavior , manipulation, poor impulse control, bating, accusatory statements and more.  To add insult to injury, we have to dissolve my mothers estate which include the house we grew up in with all of the stuff and two vacation homes that are split between the three of us.  So unless i give up my share, we are tied forever together working on resolving this to everyone's satisfaction which she will never be satisfied

She is emotionally attached to everything belonging to my mother which makes it extrodinarily difficult to discuss then decide on how to handle anything.  My brother and I are working together to provide limitations and a expectations of her behavior.  I understand she will push those lines.  She thinks we can have a normal "sister" relationship but that is pretty much out of the question.  I don't feel emotionally safe with her meaning i don't trust her to not be nasty when with her by myself.  So i don't plan anything unless it is an hour lunch or there is a specific task such as grocery shopping of shoe shopping.  And i am always on guard with her ready for her to lash out.  I am posting here to get support from others, see how others handle their own BPD and develop more tools to counteract this awful behavior.  Thank you for being there

[Learning_curve74]

Hello jazz5579, deepest condolences to you on your mother's passing. You deserve a hug.    Also, I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing with your sister that have brought you to our community, but glad that you found us, so a warm welcome to you. 

I can only imagine how hard it is to handle your sister's behavior at what is normally an extremely difficult time for everybody. It can't be easy and is taking it's toll on you. Has your sister been officially diagnosed with BPD? How old is she and does she live with you? It sounds like you have to take care of a lot of her needs such as grocery shopping?

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, and it sounds like you and your brother are bearing the brunt of it from what you wrote. Community members on the Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries and improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD sister. You can find a lot of information and support that can help you with the journey in front of you.

Once again, my condolences to you on your mother's passing. I hope you keep reading and posting here as much as you need, there are so many understanding and supportive people. I know that it has been a godsend for dealing with the pwBPD in my life. I hope that you find the help and support you need at this difficult time. Best wishes to you! 

[jazz5579]

Thank you for your condolences and supportive words.  I will post to the community board for family members at this point.