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Question: As a one who read the book, how do you rate this book?
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Total Voters: 18

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Author Topic: Emotional Blackmail - Susan Forward, PhD.  (Read 2421 times)
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 225

« on: March 18, 2008, 12:55:39 PM »

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
Author: Susan Forward, PhD
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks (March 4, 1998)
Paperback: 272 pages
ISBN-10: 0060928972
ISBN-13: 978-0060928971

Book Description
This book does a very clear job of defining emotional blackmail so you can begin to easily spot emotional blackmailers in your life. It then concludes with telling you specifically how to deal with emotional blackmail, that is, how to keep your energy, resources, and sometimes your very soul, from being lst to them.

About the Author

Susan Forward, Ph.D. is a best selling author, lecturer, talkshow guest and media personality. Her book, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them, was a top of the major bestseller lists for 44 consecutive weeks. Susan's follow-up publication Toxic Parents was #1 on the New York Times Bestseller List. She has also written Betrayal of Innocence, Obsessive Love, Money Demons, Emotional Blackmail  and When Your Lover is a Liar.

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: separated
Posts: 4437

« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2008, 01:14:08 PM »

Yes. I liked it a lot. It described so many instances where I would feel resentment but could not figure out why. It is a worthwhile book for us who have experienced FOG.

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 1209

« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2008, 09:07:56 PM »

There is a really great book out there, by Susan Forward, called "Emotional Blackmail"

I found her description of FOG very accurate and informative. She gives some really great examples  and ideas... .

Has anyone else read her book?

I am reading it right now.  It is a great book.  The tactics described used by the blackmailers remind me more of my mother than my husband, although some of it applies.  Having been married twice, neither one of my husband's would have been diagnosed with the newer named PD's, but my first husband was definitely a Narcissist and my stbX is a textbook Passive Aggressive that is very verbally abusive. A couple of years ago I had an internet fantasy with a BPD. 

The person I seem to be having the most problem with though is my mother.  I seem to marry the wrong men and she may just be the reason.  Anyway, this book is helping me a lot to see though what she has been doing.  I have been putting my life on hold for years to appease her, try to please her, be compliant, or just not talk back.  What I have found about the traits that I don't like about the men I get involved with seem to add up to a composite of my mother... .except for the Borderline internet guy.  He just seemed like a badboy boyfriend to run away with.  The one thing he did have in common with my mother is his Down Home Southern Charm.  Underneath that, he was more like a rattle snake... .and it turns out my mother isn't all that frail as she seemed to be either.  When I started being more assertive with her she tried harder to control me. However, I am finding that as I continue to hold my ground she gets past a little of her agenda and is maybe just beginning to start to treat me as an equal adult.  We will see.

I highly recommend this book.

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Posts: 1733

« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2008, 10:15:38 PM »

I often reference this book when I consider how to respond (or not respond) to the uBPD in my life.

Although it is not specific to BPD, this book is an outstanding resource for those of us with a borderline in our lives.  She addresses the very core issues of boundaries and feelings of fear, obligation or guilt.  The fear, obligation, and guilt are the

"big three" tools that borderlines often use in keeping their family members engaged in their dysfunctional dance.

I HIGHLY recommend the book.
united for now
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: separated
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Talking about solutions create solutions

« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2008, 08:25:11 AM »

I am very glad to see that this book made it into the A list.

Hopefully, more people will now be able to find it and learn and grow from it...

thanks for putting it up here.


Change your perceptions and you change your life.  Nothing changes without changes
Aussie John
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: New Relationship (who has other issues)
Posts: 396

« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2008, 11:29:38 PM »

This was the first book I purchased on my road to identifying my then wifes BPD.

Emotional Blackmail is insidious and the book helps with dealing with it.

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: married
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« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2011, 09:52:44 PM »

I just finished rereading this book. One of the most beneficial aspects of this book is it's clear explanation of F.O.G. I highly recommend.
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 145

« Reply #7 on: June 17, 2012, 08:53:00 PM »

This is a great book, a classic for beginning to understand exploitative relationships

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