How does she pull it off?

[Parents! Get help here!]

Quick background recap:

My dd is staying in our garage in squalor (she can stay in the house but opts not to)

Is working two jobs never with any money

I bought her a car only to discover she has no license.

Three weeks ago I told her I was going on a 2.5 week vacation and she need a place to stay and I would be driving my car into the garage. 

She refused my help to organize her stuff

She said she passed her  driving test but her permit was expired and she had no money for a license.

She says she cannot cash any pay checks since May without her ID  ( I know this is a lie)

She says she has no friends.

Well tomorrow at noon is the day.

Yesterday  before going to work she totally organized the garage so fit my car and filled the trunk of 'her' car whish is sitting on the street.

She picked up her paycheck this morning and cashed it.

She just texted me to say she was on her way to the DMV to get her license then to her 2nd job.

With her license I will give her the keys and she will finally have transportation and now a place to sleep while I am gone  (But I don't have any friends to stay with)

Always last minute madness but she pulls everything off like this.

[twojaybirds]

Quick background recap:

My dd is staying in our garage in squalor (she can stay in the house but opts not to)

Is working two jobs never with any money

I bought her a car only to discover she has no license.

Three weeks ago I told her I was going on a 2.5 week vacation and she need a place to stay and I would be driving my car into the garage. 

She refused my help to organize her stuff

She said she passed her  driving test but her permit was expired and she had no money for a license.

She says she cannot cash any pay checks since May without her ID  ( I know this is a lie)

She says she has no friends.

Well tomorrow at noon is the day.

Yesterday  before going to work she totally organized the garage so fit my car and filled the trunk of 'her' car whish is sitting on the street.

She picked up her paycheck this morning and cashed it.

She just texted me to say she was on her way to the DMV to get her license then to her 2nd job.

With her license I will give her the keys and she will finally have transportation and now a place to sleep while I am gone  (But I don't have any friends to stay with)

Always last minute madness but she pulls everything off like this.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, twojaybirds   

You know, I don't know how they pull it off, but my dBPDs36 used to do this ALL the time! Be the sloth of all time, living in a room fit to be on "Hoarder's" TV show, eating very little and not getting into the shower as often as he should've, but then all of a sudden he would get a burst of energy and accomplish pretty much everything I'd wanted him to do in one afternoon! Now, with his self-medicating problems in those days (which really were only 4 months ago!) I had an idea how he managed this feat, but at the time I was happy the chores got done... . I didn't like the whole way of life, though, and am very happy things have changed!

Could be that they trade weeks of doing nothing, for one day of intensive work, and that's a good trade-off for them... . At least that's how it seemed to me 

[jellibeans]

this is an interesting observation... . my dd will also get this burst of energy and do a lot in a very short amount of time. She cleaned my office last night and today reorganizing her room. She gets these spurts but not often. Yesterday she slept until 2pm and today she was up at 9am... . hard to understand.

[Reality]

PwBPD are not doing nothing, IMHO, they are trying to survive being themselves.  We think it is difficult living with a pwBPD.  Imagine living with it constantly... .

A pwBPD can't get away from themselves... . I am exhausted thinking of how draining it would be to be so intense, as they surely are. 

I am 100% convinced they operate like artists and musicians.  If they aren't in the groove, they don't really function well.  Boundaries help to hold them, so they don't get so lost when out of the groove... . keep them going along till the next wave of energy/inspiration.  Structure contains them... . kind people... . you know... .

Maybe when they are doing nothing, they are really planning and figuring out how they can get everything done in a dazzling way.  I think they are fascinated with their own thinking processes and find everyone else rather everyday. 

Reality

[Grieving_Sister]

Interesting insight, Reality. Thank you.

[twojaybirds]

My dd is working two jobs  for a total of about 50 hours a week.

Now today she actually called in sick to her 2nd job to get her license this afternoon.  About 4 hours ago she called to tell me she got her license and was on her way home; about an hour on the bus, but it seems without the job to go to she gets waylaid.

A friend made an interesting observation that she may need to be a workaholic to keep her on the straight and narrow (knowing its not an answer to happiness) but she never misses work or is late to the point of walking 2.5 miles to make it on time.

It is things like when her back is  up against the wall she gets it done.  Last year her job at a residential camp was ending and she had no place to go and virtually no money.  She called a private university 6 days before it started and got in with a scholarship. As she said to me  "I needed someplace to sleep)


She needs deadlines that effect her living situation and she can work miracles.

[Kate4queen]

I think my BPD son still sees us doing things for him as a measure of how much we love him. He drives situations to crisis point, or ignores warnings, hints, help and then sits back to see how much we'll do to actually save him. I think it helps him feel less abandoned even though he himself precipitates the crisis.

When he was younger we always jumped in and fixed everything for him. Now, since he walked out but still lives on our $ not so much. And it is quite astounding how much he can accomplish for himself if he decides he wants to. it's sad that he doesn't hear the love but always has to push each situation into a crisis to make us prove it.

[Rusalka]

I think part of this is the boundary you set of "organize this and sort things out or you won't have a place to stay" once  pwBPD sees you stick to a boundary, suddenly they have the structure to get things done. I think sometimes they wait til last minute to see if you'll give in. So it's actually a good sign that she followed your boundaries regarding this vacation, and hopefully will lead the way to you having more confidence in holding to boundaries (not that you weren't, I just mean I know how hard it can be to stick to them)

[js friend]

I would usually see this burst of energy from my dd when either she thought I was mad at her... . and then she would go on a frantic cleaning crusade to the point that I would have been exhausted to do that much cleaning in one day and, I would also usually see it again the night before she had school homework to hand in  usually staying up and doing a weeks worth in one night. she would literally fly through it. She said that she loves when she feels this way (mania).  

Teachers would always remark on how untidy her writing was but she would usually get  good grades for her work.