worried about what I will hear tomorrow

[saphirewidow]

So I got my first update about my son on the website (password protected) because they posted his treatment plan.  I love the communication... .much better then with the other places he has been.  I noticed that in the treatment plan it said that he had to deal with his trauma which included emotional abuse (I know about this because his dad had BPD and was emotionally abusive.  But it also said he had to deal with sexual abuse.  I am fairly shocked because I had no idea he experienced sexual abuse.  Was it his dad (committed suicide in 2011)?  Was it a family member?  A friend?  I am sad I had no idea.  I emailed his therapist and asked about it and he said they would call me tomorrow during my son's individual session and talk about.    How can crap like this happen? No wonder my poor son is struggling so.  I don't really need an answer ... .just wanted to tell someone without breaching my son's confidence. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[sad_soul]

So sorry to hear about your son's struggles... .life can be so unfair sometimes... .but he's lucky to have a mom like you in his corner   stay strong!

[bpdmom1]

So very sorry!

[Lollypop]

Hi

I'm just so sorry this news has come to you. My BPDs25 told me 3 years ago that he "remembered" an incident from childhood during a drug therapy session. I was mortified and actually went to see our family doctor in an absolute distraught state. My son refuses to talk about it and provide an details. My H and I are left forever questioning every time we can remember where something may have happened. The drug counsellor told me that he absolutely believed my son, the family doctor suggested he was a "Fantasist". What a crazy world we live in. We have been left in limbo not knowing anything. I understand that I should not press my son for details and I haven't. I had a painful conversation 3 years ago and I apologised for not protecting him and he just said "I was raped and there was nothing you could have done".

We've gone over every minute. All we know is that it was some time between 6 and 7 years of age.  He was rarely left and wasn't allowed out past our small street. We don't have close family, nor did we fraternise with neighbours. Who knows? Not us and it's difficult to accept but respect our sons decision not to talk about it. I have an open wound.

What a terrible situation for you and I understand

L

[saphirewidow]

lollypop, I'm so sorry your son had to go through that.  We try so hard to protect them but bad stuff still happens.  I learned a little more about my son's situation and it had to do with his deceased brother. I love and miss my oldest son so much but never knew he was forcing siblings into some bad stuff. He had been in counseling and on meds for poss bipolar at the time. The acts were not actually rape but some stuff that had I know I would have dealt with at the time.  It left a feeling of shame for my living son because he thinks he should have run away or told someone but he wanted so much to please big brother.  I told him I was so sorry I didn't know and that it was not his fault.  He was 7 years younger than his brother and it was brother's fault not his.  He has nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of.  It is good it has come out.  So far I am fairly happy with this RTC.  I will attend a family week starting Wednesday and get to see my boy and hope working through this stuff will make a difference for him along with the dbt therapy they provide. 

[wendydarling]

SaphireWidow, that must have been so hard for you to hear and that your young son thought he should run away. I'm pleased you are happy with the RTC, they sound as though they are making progress with your son. That's a huge step forward despite the shock.

Lollypop, I'm so sorry, how confusing for you, not to know for sure and be able to support your son. Your son opened the door and closed it firmly from what you say. With all your hard work the door is opening and as you say you are walking beside him. Your son knows if he wants to or needs to talk you are there for him, your door is always open. Your gift to him in exchange for your open wound.

WDx 

[saphirewidow]

Just clarifying that my son thought he should have run away from his brother and told someone... .not that he wanted to run away from our household.  Just in case that was confusing.