Thank you for the replies. I have been meaning to reply before today but been looking for a lawyer and/or working:
A variety of scenarios from here... .More or less, you sign what she wants and the next rage or hurt or down day she has and she'll be filing charges against you or filing to get more from you or make you look even worse.
Which is exactly why I cannot sign that document in its current state. (see further on).
If there is a stay-away clause, how long is it? Are the terms neutral? Is any blame or fault assessed? Frankly, unless it is written very carefully to be neutral, it will appear you are a long term bad guy.
Signing this document would essentially be a 'forever restraining order'. It states that I cannot go near her work or home without her permission and she cannot be near me without mutual permission. It also says that neither of us can speak ill of the other, although I am sure she and her relatives have made me out to be the evil person for defending myself from unprovoked physical assault.
I don't understand, if the stay away addresses are your respective separate residences and you're leaving yours soon, then what is the problem?
I think its totally wrong that she is proposing a court-ordered indirect restraining order. I never thought a separation agreement should be warped into a document that essentially controls what I can say and do. Although I have no intention of looking for her, there is no sane reason why I would agree to such restrictions. It also would have severe repercussions if the police were told it was violated, whether it was true or not. She can easily claim I was stalking her without any evidence and ruin my future.
She wants living costs waived, so then she never paid her portion of rent and utilities? Frankly, you're unlikely to get anything from her now. Maybe by legal theory you can but practically, well, ask your lawyer what your chances are with her hiding behind claims of fear and similar stuff.
How do you know? She is still on the lease so obviously she was unable to get a R/O AND a police report proving that I am a legitimate threat. Heresay only goes so far without proper documentation. Her lawyer warping the separation agreement into a false restraining order is far fetched and once I have obtained a lawyer to look over these extreme demands, they won't work. As soon as I claimed ownership over the washer/dryer, she backed off and said whatever remains in either of our possessions is now ours in the first draft of this separation agreement. I had proposed she needs to pay me for her portion of the lease and she would need proof that she could not return to the house-hold. However, she sent my father an e-mail claiming that she had started the assault on me proving that she was the aggressor and matching my version of the events. I am not sure how a lawyer could disprove this with such evidence. I also have texts I sent and Facebook messages from that day and 4 days later that syncs with my version of the evidences that were sent both to her and to her mother, apologizing and saying I acted in self-defense, and was willing to pay for any damages to her glasses (they were not broken, I found out).
She can be taken to small claims court and accused of abandoning the lease since there hasn't been any evidence of any threat since she left. When I spoke to the police officer on the phone back in August, I mentioned that she was Bipolar and unmedicated. I have not heard back from them since.
Rule #1 - When there is any risk of allegations, never be with that person in a private or isolated location without witnesses. Otherwise too many things can go wrong. Me? I also turned on my voice recorder whenever I figured I might encounter my Ex. It could help prove I wasn't the one misbehaving if she decided to frame me for something.
There were witnesses to the situation but I am not aware if they had seen how things occurred or whether the police actually were able to interview them at all. A police review is typically $60 dollars here per report. Last I heard, there were only two reports made in total. She isn't a phone person so all of the evidence I have is from Facebook/cellphone texts, which show I am a very concerned individual and don't come across as violent IMO.
I recall when I was first separated we did court ordered exchanges at friends' home. We were to arrive and depart about 15 minutes apart. Well, one time I was driving out of the subdivision and she was driving in and passed me then stopped and pulled into a driveway. I stopped, naturally, it was a cold winter evening, I wondered if she had car trouble but fortunately never left my vehicle. After a minute I drove away. Turned out she stopped to call in a 911 emergency complaining I was stalking her. Duh. Child exchange! I was leaving, she was arriving, that simple. Yes, that's how absurd AND dangerous it can be with a person who is that mentally off balance. Stay away. Distance is your friend.
I have been staying away. I made it clear to the officer on the phone in late-July that I haven't attempted to speak to her in person or over the phone and have let sleeping dogs lie. I think her decision to hire a lawyer was her way of getting spite and/or my attention when I was ignoring her and moving on.
As I have read, they don't like any important past contact to move on and ignore them. She is already reminiscing about her early 20's and likely realizing how expensive it is to live alone when over half of your expenses used to be covered by your husband/boyfriend.
She and her lawyer must realize that the separation agreement needs to be signed as they will have less flexibility/power if I choose to ignore it with my lease being finished at the end of February. She and I do not have the finances to go to court and split frivilous items like $20 boom-boxes or cheap old records so they obviously want to intimidate me into signing a document that seems prejudiced against me to avoid paying the lease.
I don't think it is ethical-legal to claim a lease can be waived due to domestic violence that was instigated by her client because my separated wife caused the violence/assault and made it only unsafe to live there in her mind. The police at the time merely suggested (to me, at least) that she spends the night at a relative's place, although they also suggested they would escort her to pick up her belongings sometime in the future (in a few weeks time -- i.e. September-ish over the phone in August) but I feel that was another lie they did without any evidence that I was a bonafide threat to her, especially since I walked away after protecting my face from her rapid and unexpected assault on me. A person who is a threat to someone else would not just defend themselves and would totally continue hitting a person after being hit twice. My cats would have no one here to take care of them if they had actually arrested me, which seemed to almost happen as they had three officers come into my home here to question me -- which I have read is standard procedure before a domestic violence arrest.
I suspect my admission of guilt and mentioning that she had assaulted me unprovoked as an aggressor saved me that day from a horrible future.
