Ex fiance(GF) moved across the country for a guy she met 30 days prior

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello everyone, first time poster here.

Before I start I would like to say that idk if my ex actually had BPD, the only thing she is professionally diagnosed with is manic bi-polar disorder. That being said, I believe she has displayed traits that of a pwBPD to the point where i can link 5-6 of the 9 traits based on her past patterns.

Last September she broke up with me and told me she's moving back in with her parents and that she has already put in her 2 weeks notice at her job (her parents are in long island, we lived in CT). She did this 2 weeks before our planned vacation to the grand canyon and she officially moved out 2 days before the vacation. Thankfully my friend ended going with me last second in her stead so I wouldn't have to deal with being alone on vacation, especially 2 days after separation.

During this vacation, not even a full week since the separation, she was already starting to see another guy down in LI. Meanwhile she was calling me every other day, if not every day. Longest time she went without contacting me for the next few months was maybe a period of 3 days. Otherwise she called constantly. By December she said she was official with this new guy, so I drove down there in an act of desperation to try to get her back. It worked, she immediately dumped the kid and said she wanted to work on us and try to get back together sometime in the near future.

So between January and march she made me believe that we are "working on things". She was still dating around, and so was I for that matter, but I wasn't getting emotionally involved with anyone. I really wanted to be with her again. She came up to CT several times within that span of 3 months. We had great times and she mentioned how she noticed the effort im putting out, something I never did before during the relationship, and that she appreciates it and that it means a lot to her that Im making these changes.

Then march comes along and she told me that she wanted me to come to LI and get a hotel with her for her bday on march 23rd. A week before hand she tells me that I shouldn't come and get the hotel because she has to work on the 24th all day (her actual bday). She told me she would come see me the weekend after in CT and we would celebrate her bday late. I ended up finding out that on her bday she ended up getting a hotel room with another guy from CT that she literally met not even a full 2 weeks before hand. As you can imagine, things went south. I'll spare you the emotional details. But a week later the guy ends up cutting ties with her because as one of my acquaintances knows him personally and told him what she has done. Small world. I was told that she told this other guy she didn't want to be with me because I cheated on her, but in reality she was the one who cheated on me 2 times back in 2016 (that i know of).

At this point I'm so hurt that I'm not even sure if I want her back at this point. I ignore her phone calls for about 2 weeks before I finally gave in. This is half way through april at this point, after talking she apologized for everything and said she wants to continue to "mend our bond". Obviously I was weary about this proposal given what had happened just two weeks prior. So I wasn't actively replying to her texts and I was dating around again. She was not happy with that, we got into another fight and I told her to stop calling me. Another 2 weeks go by and she calls me again. This time she told me she wanted to see if I wanted to see our dog for the last time before she moves to florida in a few weeks.

Naturally I'm shocked, but don't quite believe her. I assumed it was just another manipulation play to get my attention. But she claimed she was going to Florida with her friend michelle for memorial day weekend. She claimed she doesn't know where she belongs, but she knows she doesn't belong in LI and that she doesn't get along with her parents anymore. Turns out that going on vacation with michelle was a bogus story, she met some guy that came up from florida to visit his parents for Easter, and she officially moved in with him to Jacksonville one month later on memorial day weekend. She has been there ever since. She has no idea I am aware of this fact. She still assumes that I think she's moved to florida with her friend michelle. But turns out her friend never even went to florida.

Didn't speak to her in almost a month from may 12th until she called me on june 6th. She asked me if I could drive to long island and pick up her dog and take it with me back to CT since the place she is moving to doesn't allow dogs and her parents refuse to look after her dog. This was another lie because I know her new BF has a dog, and this was most likely a way to manipulate me so that she can always have a reason to call me "how is my dog doing".  I did not give her an answer, so she calls me 5 days later to tell me "thanks for nothing, i'm going up to LI to pick the dog up since you never got back to me".

She has me blocked on social media, but I have an alternate account she never new about that I always followed her with, that's why I know what is going on and that she was clearly lying to me. I also noticed she unfollowed all her friends from Long island and her coworkers, and... here is the kicker... I noticed she has blocked her mother on social media as well. I'm assuming they got into an argument after her mother told her that what she is doing is absolutely insane. So I'm thinking she split on everyone back home, including her mother. She devalued all her relationships back home the same way she devalued me. In doing so that made her decision to move to florida that much easier. Especially for a guy she doesn't even know. But as far as she is concerned they are "soul mates" already after living with him for one week. Seeing all this makes me believe their she has been misdiagnosed, or possibly has both BPD and bi-polar. IDK how wrong of me it is to assume these things based on what I have seen. I guess I'm trying to rationalize it all in my head somehow. Being that she lived with me for 3 years, and being my ex fiance, I genuinely am worried about her mental state of being. I just want her to be happy moving forward.

[hmf2234]

Hello everyone, first time poster here.

Before I start I would like to say that idk if my ex actually had BPD, the only thing she is professionally diagnosed with is manic bi-polar disorder. That being said, I believe she has displayed traits that of a pwBPD to the point where i can link 5-6 of the 9 traits based on her past patterns.

Last September she broke up with me and told me she's moving back in with her parents and that she has already put in her 2 weeks notice at her job (her parents are in long island, we lived in CT). She did this 2 weeks before our planned vacation to the grand canyon and she officially moved out 2 days before the vacation. Thankfully my friend ended going with me last second in her stead so I wouldn't have to deal with being alone on vacation, especially 2 days after separation.

During this vacation, not even a full week since the separation, she was already starting to see another guy down in LI. Meanwhile she was calling me every other day, if not every day. Longest time she went without contacting me for the next few months was maybe a period of 3 days. Otherwise she called constantly. By December she said she was official with this new guy, so I drove down there in an act of desperation to try to get her back. It worked, she immediately dumped the kid and said she wanted to work on us and try to get back together sometime in the near future.

So between January and march she made me believe that we are "working on things". She was still dating around, and so was I for that matter, but I wasn't getting emotionally involved with anyone. I really wanted to be with her again. She came up to CT several times within that span of 3 months. We had great times and she mentioned how she noticed the effort im putting out, something I never did before during the relationship, and that she appreciates it and that it means a lot to her that Im making these changes.

Then march comes along and she told me that she wanted me to come to LI and get a hotel with her for her bday on march 23rd. A week before hand she tells me that I shouldn't come and get the hotel because she has to work on the 24th all day (her actual bday). She told me she would come see me the weekend after in CT and we would celebrate her bday late. I ended up finding out that on her bday she ended up getting a hotel room with another guy from CT that she literally met not even a full 2 weeks before hand. As you can imagine, things went south. I'll spare you the emotional details. But a week later the guy ends up cutting ties with her because as one of my acquaintances knows him personally and told him what she has done. Small world. I was told that she told this other guy she didn't want to be with me because I cheated on her, but in reality she was the one who cheated on me 2 times back in 2016 (that i know of).

At this point I'm so hurt that I'm not even sure if I want her back at this point. I ignore her phone calls for about 2 weeks before I finally gave in. This is half way through april at this point, after talking she apologized for everything and said she wants to continue to "mend our bond". Obviously I was weary about this proposal given what had happened just two weeks prior. So I wasn't actively replying to her texts and I was dating around again. She was not happy with that, we got into another fight and I told her to stop calling me. Another 2 weeks go by and she calls me again. This time she told me she wanted to see if I wanted to see our dog for the last time before she moves to florida in a few weeks.

Naturally I'm shocked, but don't quite believe her. I assumed it was just another manipulation play to get my attention. But she claimed she was going to Florida with her friend michelle for memorial day weekend. She claimed she doesn't know where she belongs, but she knows she doesn't belong in LI and that she doesn't get along with her parents anymore. Turns out that going on vacation with michelle was a bogus story, she met some guy that came up from florida to visit his parents for Easter, and she officially moved in with him to Jacksonville one month later on memorial day weekend. She has been there ever since. She has no idea I am aware of this fact. She still assumes that I think she's moved to florida with her friend michelle. But turns out her friend never even went to florida.

Didn't speak to her in almost a month from may 12th until she called me on june 6th. She asked me if I could drive to long island and pick up her dog and take it with me back to CT since the place she is moving to doesn't allow dogs and her parents refuse to look after her dog. This was another lie because I know her new BF has a dog, and this was most likely a way to manipulate me so that she can always have a reason to call me "how is my dog doing".  I did not give her an answer, so she calls me 5 days later to tell me "thanks for nothing, i'm going up to LI to pick the dog up since you never got back to me".

She has me blocked on social media, but I have an alternate account she never new about that I always followed her with, that's why I know what is going on and that she was clearly lying to me. I also noticed she unfollowed all her friends from Long island and her coworkers, and... here is the kicker... I noticed she has blocked her mother on social media as well. I'm assuming they got into an argument after her mother told her that what she is doing is absolutely insane. So I'm thinking she split on everyone back home, including her mother. She devalued all her relationships back home the same way she devalued me. In doing so that made her decision to move to florida that much easier. Especially for a guy she doesn't even know. But as far as she is concerned they are "soul mates" already after living with him for one week. Seeing all this makes me believe their she has been misdiagnosed, or possibly has both BPD and bi-polar. IDK how wrong of me it is to assume these things based on what I have seen. I guess I'm trying to rationalize it all in my head somehow. Being that she lived with me for 3 years, and being my ex fiance, I genuinely am worried about her mental state of being. I just want her to be happy moving forward.

[gotbushels]

hmf2234   

Welcome.

[...] i can link 5-6 of the 9 traits based on her past patterns.

No worries. My ex was diagnosed with something leading to serious-thing medication. Me too, I comfortably linked at least 5–7 traits with my ex's behaviour. You're right, we're not in the medical profession, we're not P's, and it helps us sometimes to know what we're dealing with.

[...] she officially moved out 2 days before the vacation.

People with BP traits tend to lack the ability to make and keep plans. You're not alone on this one.

By December she said she was official with this new guy, so I drove down there in an act of desperation to try to get her back.

Me too, many of us have been here. I had an engagement with my ex (so I get the caring about her wellbeing thing); and she still entertained other men. Of course, same as you, I was angry at other men for trying to get into an intimate relationship with her. There's a lot we don't see when we're involved at the stage you've been in—and well done for doing your homework on what the truth actually is. So I encourage you to share and discover more.

Enjoy your peace.

[Turkish]

Seeing all this makes me believe their she has been misdiagnosed, or possibly has both BPD and bi-polar. IDK how wrong of me it is to assume these things based on what I have seen. I guess I'm trying to rationalize it all in my head somehow. Being that she lived with me for 3 years, and being my ex fiance, I genuinely am worried about her mental state of being. I just want her to be happy moving forward.

It's possible she's diagnosed,  or also has BPD.  Whatever the case, she sounds dysfunctionally impulsive.  I suspect that she might return at some point.  What do you think?

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi hmf2234, how are you doing?

[hmf2234]

It's possible she's diagnosed,  or also has BPD.  Whatever the case, she sounds dysfunctionally impulsive.  I suspect that she might return at some point.  What do you think?

When we first met, she did move into my place 3.5 months later, red flag. I was heavily against it but she was like, "I transferred over to the mall near you, i'm starting on January 16th". Since we were "together" I wasn't going to be an ass and be like "NO YOU CAN'T" . So against my initial will, she forced herself into my home and I kind of rolled with it. Then in February 2018, 2.5 years later, I proposed to her in Brazil in front of the Jesus statue. She was beyond ecstatic, and 6 months later she discarded me. Granted, I did get complacent and comfortable in the relationship towards the end. She saw the lack of efforts on my part as a result. Being that she needed constant validation and attention, she was no longer getting as much of it and therefore in her mind I didn't love her anymore. Her constantly questioning it the last 4-5 months wore her down emotionally until she split. The last month I made clear efforts to change for the better and show her more love, she appreciated it but ultimately told me "it is simply too late". The line has already been drawn.

Now I see her love bombing this new guy that she moved for. She's only been with him for 3 weeks now but according to her he is the light of her life and farts rainbows. Pretty much the same thing she did to me in the beginning, told me how she felt like our souls have been aligned for centuries and other BS like that . The main difference being that I didn't want her to move in so soon, whereas this guy totally wanted her to move down to jacksonville with him. She is trying to get into the Jacksonville PD, and idk how responsible that is being that she is manic bi-polar and possibly BPD as well. Hopefully she doesn't pass the PD psych evaluations because otherwise it's scary knowing someone who gets uncontrollable panic attacks will have access to firearms in a public service field.

She is still making an effort to hide her new relationship from me or people who know me. She has me blocked on all avenues and even set all her FB and IG profiles to private, which she has never done when she was with me, or even before we were together. She has even blocked all our mutual friends, and as stated before, she has blocked her mother, her sister, and her sisters husband even. I'm assuming there must have been quite a significant argument that has happened between them, clearly they must not approve of her impulsive actions. She tried to get me to take the dog from her parents house so it can live with me. But I know that was just another reason for her to keep tabs on me and constantly contact me. She did fly up this weekend and brought the dog back down with her.

If the new guy keeps showering her with constant love, attention, validation, and keeps reciprocating the intense love she is showing him currently... then I don't believe she will be coming back. But if she ends up splitting on him the way she has with everyone else in her life, then maybe there is a probability she will come running back. Who knows.

Hi hmf2234, how are you doing?

In general I am doing pretty good. For the most part I seem to be emotionally over her, even though she is still on my mind daily. There are random times where I question the "what ifs". Maybe if I did more research into bi-polar and BPD then I would have been more empathetic to her disorder. Instead, every time she had an episode I wasn't sure how to deal with it and I got annoyed by it. In my mind I rationalized it as "ok, shes freaking out right now for no reason, but tomorrow she will be just fine, it's not that serious. She'll sleep on it and be better tomorrow". Which in her eyes made me come off as cold. If I consoled her during her emotional lows maybe she wouldn't have split on me. Who knows.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

I'm glad to hear that't you're doing pretty well!

And although the circumstances are not great, I'm happy you've found this board. So many of us can relate to what you're going through. I'm sure that if you read a little, you will find many instances where you'll go "wait a minute, that's what happened to me!"

There's a lot to take in here on the boards, but I found that this article Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has Borderline Personality helped me a lot.

How do you feel about her possibly coming back?

[Longterm]

If the new guy keeps showering her with constant love, attention, validation, and keeps reciprocating the intense love she is showing him currently... then I don't believe she will be coming back. But if she ends up splitting on him the way she has with everyone else in her life, then maybe there is a probability she will come running back. Who knows.

It really doesn't matter how much love he gives to her, the cycle will repeat with him and I think your being a bit unfair on yourself thinking about your complacency towards the end of the "relationship".

There is nothing you could have done to prevent this.

[hmf2234]

It really doesn't matter how much love he gives to her, the cycle will repeat with him and I think your being a bit unfair on yourself thinking about your complacency towards the end of the "relationship".

There is nothing you could have done to prevent this.

You may very well be right, whether it would have worked or not I will never know. But what I do know is that regardless of how it would have went in the end, I simply cannot get that complacent and comfortable in any relationship moving forward. She really did everything to make me happy. My house was clean, I had cooked meals, she tried her best and I basically got used to all of it. In the beginning I was beyond grateful for it all, especially since I never demanded or expected any of these things from her, and as time went by I didn't express how much I appreciated it all. I appreciated it in my head, but I never went out of my way to show her with acts of appreciation. When it came time for her to leave me, even post breakup, she kept throwing it in my face "i was so good to you, I always did kind things for your friends, always baked things for them simply just to be nice. You s*** on all of that, it's all your fault I acted this way. This isn't me, you brought this nasty vindictive side out of me because we are toxic to each other" etc.

How do you feel about her possibly coming back?

As much as I love and care for her, I have no idea how I would react. There has been so much damage she caused as a result of her lingering resentment, post breakup, that there would have to be some serious sit down and a long period of rebuilding trust. I could never just take her back as is and what she has done in the 8 months after our breakup. The 8 months post breakup was just a toxic push-pull filled with lies an manipulations coming from her end. Even after we have both agreed to move on she still was feeding me lies that she wasn't moving to florida for this new guy. She lied so much idk what was real about us anymore. I'm even starting to doubt her story about being roofied and raped at a frat party years back. I hope she wouldn't lie about that. I know during the relationship she kept on bringing up her ex Konrad, and now that i've done some digging I only found some guy  who she was with for a year and a half, but she never spoke of him. So who knows what is true and what isn't anymore.

[Longterm]

You did not "make" her do anything and I think you should remember that. In a relationship you should be able to express your own wants and needs freely. A bpd has trouble expressing their feelings and so a lot of resentment normally builds mostly unbeknownst to you. The devaluing starts and the eventual discard is inevitable, you could have cleaned and cooked and she still would of found something to resent you for.

I think your being very hard on yourself here. The nasty/vindictive side was always there, just hidden and now you see it.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

I join Longterm in saying that even if you could have given more, it wouldn't have made a difference.

Do you recognise your relationship here: How a Borderline Relationship Evolves ?

[hmf2234]

I think your being very hard on yourself here. The nasty/vindictive side was always there, just hidden and now you see it.

I pretty much realized this in the early days of the "post breakup". As the many sayings go: everything is great when its sunshine and rainbows, but true character is revealed during times of crisis. Her true colors were shown. Now I'm just looking back at it all and I'm wondering how much of the "kindness, empathy, and caring" was real and how much of it was a BS facade. Was anything even real at this point? Or was I just another victim soothing her major fear of abandonment?

[Longterm]

It was real, at that specific moment of time, a bpds feelings can change from one minute to the next. You were probably going inbetween idealization and devalue for a significant part of the "relationship". She could of and probably did say many things that were untrue, trying to work through this is tough. The facade is just that, it's very painful and hard to accept, believe me I know.

[hmf2234]

Do you recognise your relationship here: How a Borderline Relationship Evolves ?

Wow... I am legitimately speechless as to how accurately this depicted the stages in our relationship. Wish I found this site earlier. But then again... If I brought this up it would have just opened another can of worms. She would get bent out of shape anytime I'd suggest something was wrong with her. She'd just say I'm a narcissistic a-hole who isn't capable of self reflection. Lose-lose situation for me anyway I look at it.

[Longterm]

https://sharischreiber.com/at-any-cost/

See if you can relate to that.

If I'm not allowed to post external links then I do apologise.

Mod note: Shari Schreiber: Online Reputation, Independent Review

[hmf2234]

I actually found a lot of that to be relatable, but one thing makes me question whether or not she may be uBPD. I've read in different places how pwBPD are not empathetic. My ex was extremely empathetic. She would often cry when speaking about a colleague who was having personal issues at home, which meant clearly she shared in their pain and that she felt bad about their situations. When she experienced her episodes she would also say that "I just feel so much, its overwhelming" or how she'd feel completely uneasy for no real reason at all. Her mind would race about everything and anything.

Another thing, are pwBPD known for not having meaningful friendships? During the 3 years we have lived together she has never introduced me to anyone that she knew for a long time. There was no "hey, i want you to meet Megan, she is my best friend, we knew each other for years!". All the people she claimed to be her best friends are all people she has met after she has moved in with me. Some of them she doesn't even speak to anymore, and when she moved back home her new coworkers became her "best friends". In my mind im like "how many NEW best friends is she going to have?"

So for six months her coworkers were her new best friends, and now that she has moved to florida she doesn't speak to any of them and even removed them from social media. I have also noticed that she has blocked her sister on social media as well. I'm assuming that when the mother found out she was blocked she tried to get her sister to talk to her, and as a result she blocked her sister and her husband as well.

[Longterm]

My ex does not show empathy but I know bpds can to a degree. That sounds like extreme empathy what you wrote. Maybe somebody else could help you understand that because I've never experienced it.

They do feel emotions to the extreme and that's probably what she meant by overwhelming.

My ex did not have meaningful friendships no. She had a small group at school but felt above them. Any friendships in adulthood were short and normally ended because she would get pissed at them or would try to sleep with them and I would force her to cut contact. She called me controlling .

They exhibit a lot of strange behaviours.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

In general, I would say that they are capable of and do feel empathy. BPD is a spectrum disorder, though, so no two people are the same. Some traits are more pronounces with someone that with others. My ex, for example, had great empathy with animals in distress and could be very patient with a friend having problems in their personal life. He wasn't able to show much empathy towards me.

BPD is an disorder of emotional instability triggered by closeness. In the same way they struggle with being in romantic relationships, they struggle with close friendships. Basically, the closer they are to someone, the more volatile the relationship becomes.

Does that make sense?

[hmf2234]

So she went for a vacation to florida on memorial day weekend and decided to never come back home, quit her job in Long Island, etc. Today I find out that my Ex-uBPD, and the guy she stayed down there for, moved in to a new apartment together.

Felt my heart drop down into my stomach for a quick second. That was just a quick reaction to how darn fast they seem to be moving in their relationship. But that feeling went away as quickly as it arrived. So I seem to be doing pretty ok. Still feels unreal though.

She did end up flying up last weekend to pick the dog up and fly it back down with her since her parents refused to look after it, and so have I for that matter. Which clearly means she was just trying to use the dog as a way to keep me strung along. Miss the dog so much, but ultimately I think i made the right decision. This way we do not have anything tying us together and she has no reason to ever talk to me again. Lets hope it stays that way.

[gotbushels]

hmf2234   

So she went for a vacation to florida [...]

Another way to look at this is how quickly she's peddling backward. To advance her relationship, she has to cut off part of her life at her 'home' town. To advance her relationship, she has to resign from her job in Long Island. It's good you're doing okay. It does feel unreal.

She did end up flying up last weekend to pick the dog up [...]

My UexBPDgf and I had dogs too. I did feel she did in-effect use them to keep me attached, but more because she wanted company, wanted to be depended-upon, and wanted to indulge in the experience of keeping animals. I think keeping an animal requires a certain level of executive functioning, commitment, and responsibility. So when a BP is unable to care for a dog, it's a showing of a lack of capacities in these areas. I do think it's more those things—rather than using the animal consciously to keep a stronger tether on a relationship. In this way—if we think about it, there are indeed much easier ways to get and keep a relationship than getting a dog.

Enjoy your peace.

[hmf2234]

hmf2234   
Another way to look at this is how quickly she's peddling backward. To advance her relationship, she has to cut off part of her life at her 'home' town. To advance her relationship, she has to resign from her job in Long Island.

I know, this seems so highly unstable to me. A part of me thanks the higher powers that she is no longer in my life and that I no longer have to deal with the roller coaster of instability, the constant questioning whether she hates me or loves me on a given day. At the same time I miss all the good times we had. Makes me wish I acted differently and educated myself on her mental illness so I'd deal with it in a empathetic and compassionate manner rather than brushing off her episodes like its no big deal. Extremely cold of me to do so looking back in hindsight. That is when she needed the most validation, instead I was cold and not empathetic to her disorder. The "what ifs" destroy me from time to time. Would have been different if i actually was empathetic and she discarded me anyways. Then I would have had the satisfaction of knowing this would happen no matter how I acted.

My UexBPDgf and I had dogs too. I did feel she did in-effect use them to keep me attached, but more because she wanted company, wanted to be depended-upon, and wanted to indulge in the experience of keeping animals.

Pretty much the same story with my ex. She wanted a dog because we had no pets, and she always had pets living with her parents. She always wanted to have something to take care of when I wasn't around. Think that helped with her fear of abandonment and she was a really giving person. I believe her being so caring and overly nurturing was a way to validate she belongs and is "needed".

I'm trying to enjoy the peace, but she's still on my mind. Checked her social media and she seems to have reconciled with her mother as I see she added her back. Meanwhile she's posting up "man crush monday" posts with her new boyfriend and how "the universe smiled on her the day they met". Sounds very similar to the things she used to say to me. Saddening, but funny at the same time. I still saw her stalking my facebook stories with an alternate account pretty much all last week. A little confusing since she literally ghosted me and blocked me on every avenue. Otherwise it's almost been another month without any contact. Hoping she doesn't reach out, I realize it will accomplish nothing.

[gotbushels]

A part of me thanks the higher powers [...]

I appreciate what you mean.

It's been a few years and I still thank God for my peace away from my ex. Having been in that relationship really gave me a deeper appreciation for times when I'm alone. Being together with a disordered partner can feel like a tremendous burden.

Sometimes we dealt with our partners' issues for good reasons—it's not always extremely cold. Can you think of times when it didn't make practical sense for you to care-give during an episode?

For the "what ifs"; there are people who have learned the tools and tried to make it work. Yes there are positive stories, and there are relationships that deteriorated anyway.

I'm trying to enjoy the peace, but she's still on my mind. [...]

My ex was still posting statements like "I'm so lucky" etc., for months after she started dating someone else. Then later she posted and deleted things like her tantruming at her boyfriend. It'll pass.

I hope you're enjoying your peace.

[reeef1992]

It's possible she's diagnosed,  or also has BPD.  Whatever the case, she sounds dysfunctionally impulsive.  I suspect that she might return at some point.  What do you think?

This is something I've been worrying about. My exBPD partner has ended our relationship 2 times. The first time I was an absolute mess, mainly due to her reason to want to break up (literally name dropping a dude she'd end up sleeping with 2 weeks later). The second time I was a lot more for it, as I become a lot more aware of what BPD actually is and had done a lot of research on being romantically link to someone with BPD. I've noticed over the past few weeks, they'll compliment me fairly regularly (we make music together, so I still speak and see them, however there are boundaries that they are yet to cross). So now I'm becoming worried they'll say that they "love me and want to spend the rest of our life together" and I have no desire what so ever to rekindle our romantic relationship.