I filed a restraining order 70+ calls on Mother’s Day

[Purplerain23]

I am worn out ! I have been broken up with my uxpwbd since December 2021. For the most part I try to ignore him. As he constantly creates reasons to break no contact ... I stopped reading his emails  I don’t go on social media . I moved so he doesn’t know where I live. He tried to send me flowers which went to a vacant house . Needless to say it set him off. He went on an all out campaign. Because of the nature of my job (néw home sales) with a national builder my cell phone is published publicly and I can’t turn my phone off. I blocked him but he calls on no caller ID . I worked Sunday in which he called all day back to back making it impossible to get all the calls from my clients filled up my VM which ticked off my Director when he called and tried to leave a message. He called and texted my mom, daughter and best friend trying to get a reaction out of me. I was counting down the min until the courthouse opened... I had let him know if he ever did this to me again I would file a restraining order. He’s been cooking up a story and telling everyone in preparation for this so that he can be convinced himself when it’s show time.. I’m just sick of this !breaking up with him hasn’t given me any freedom . I am praying for courage to go to trial and ready for his ugly backlash . It’s just too much ! I can’t breathe I don’t know what to do ... I just feel really sick and yucky to have to gather all of these disturbing messages for evidence it’s putting me back ... i know he’s trying to get me to break and answer him back he wants to make me lash out in pain and I refuse . I’m so nervous of the judge doesn’t grant the order then what ?

[LetsGetBetter]

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. I can't offer much practical advice because I haven't experienced your type of situation. If it truly comes down to it, you could change your name so that your ex can't find you even if your number is public. It sounds like you are on the right path and taking the necessary actions, though, so just keep at it! It might be hard going through those disturbing messages but it will pay off in the end. Just keep your boundaries strong and think long-term. Your efforts will pay off eventually, and you have the support of this forum in the meantime.

[Purplerain23]

Thank you for the response . I really may have to consider that as extreme as it sounds... he keeps himself in the abandonment state in his mind we are still a couple snd every attempt he makes that I don’t reciprocate is an aggravation to that rage ... even though this was almost half a year ago it’s like he is recycling the moments and rage and won’t let it go... I thought he was supposed to move on by now ? When we were together he had no problem being unfaithful . I desperately wish he would find someone ghost me snd I never would hear from him again . That’s just a fantasy.. I’m headed to the courthouse now to see if the temporary injunction was approved . My biggest anxiety is no one believing me they always believe him because I’m quiet snd he has controlled the narrative . All while abusing me , he even told me when the police took him away after domestic violence that they told him “ I was the type of woman that would get him in trouble , he’s recorded concert with people I respect to prove to me the level of control he has on them and what they believe so his reign of terror has been unchecked ... it’s too much all the while he’s crying out pitifully like a wounded child while terrorizing me at the same time. I feel trapped like I will never have a normal life unless I move out of the county or he dies . I’m really going through as this triggers my pTSd. I’m glad fir the support of the board it has helped me I read it everyday and have stayed clear of the dark undertow until now ... I’m distracted anxious and miserable again because I can’t stop ruminating on what to say to defend myself .

[Turkish]

Despite previously being taken away, it sounds like he didn't the message if he's still harassing you. And your family. Did they grant you the TRO?

I hope that the court did, but it's good to have a safety plan in place just the same. Safety Plan

It's good that many people are aware of his harassment of you as many people are afraid to reach out. The more support you have the better.

[Purplerain23]

Thank Turkish the judge granted the temp order and I have the trial next week fir the permanent one. His emails and vmsils and videos of him crying are sickening. He is rehearsing the story and “practicing “ that I was the one who abused him ...he says dine cryptic things like ... I know your address I figured it out. He also said he started drinking because I left him and broke him. He’s building up his rage. Sent me flowers today . So I’m guessing he hasnt been served yet. He knows the restraining order is coming because I told him if he every did this again I would file it . So now he’s acting like mr sunshine the saintly one in the messages it’s all so when he receives it he can play the victim and make me the biggest grandest witch of them all... I think if I didn’t get the restraining order he would have harassed me the rest of my life. Now it’s tricky because I have the injunction but I don’t know if he knows about it or not . I feel afraid like he’s following me ...

[Turkish]

You have a lot of evidence, but the more people in your life that know about this, the safer you'll be.

[LetsGetBetter]

Sorry for the delayed reply, I haven't been on in a few days. That's good you got the temporary order, best of luck getting the permanent one. Definitely keep us updated on it! Not to overload you with advice, but another thought I had is maybe you could contact a charity or organisation local to you that specialises in this kind of stuff, maybe even a DV organisation since you mentioned that. I'm sure it would help to have that local support network to back you up and be there for you! I agree with Turkish as well, the more people you can get to see the truth, the easier things will be. All the best!

[Purplerain23]

Today was the trial and I really had a hard time I think I went into shock ... it was so hard fir me mentally emotionally physically and spiritually. But I knew it was the right thing . They only served him yesterday... so since the 10th he has been sending me his happy messages as after he cathartisied all his rage out on me in the devalue he went back to the value las if nothing happened. He even violated the temp order immediately by leaving me a message saying how could I do that to him and “did I think he deserved it” and “ “ when he finally was starting to get better” that’s the Narcissist traits ... totally ignoring the reign of terror he went on to lead up to the restraining order. Well I didn’t even have to speak . The judge shock us all and looks at him first and says ‘, “ do you disagree with the order I’m about to issue?” No room for grandstanding there. He said “yes”   Which was smart of him .they also made sure we were separate and let me leave first! I feel very very relieved. I was under severe stress this past two weeks. Thanks for listening!