Hi Ventus2ct,
No need to apologize for structure. A lot of us have a lot to get off of our chests when we get here. You're feeling depressed, confused, anguish and self-doubt that she may or may not be BPD. We're not professionals and cannot give a dx. My ex is undiagnosed and I look at it from the angle of what kinds of toxic behaviors do I accept upon myself from people in my life?
Borderline Personality Disorder is a spectrum disorder. Some do not display outward disproportionate anger. She displays impulsive behavior if she is triggered and is about to throw something. Our personality traits play a role in these relationships and we tend to become defensive to their dysfunctional behavior and become triggers. Another dynamic that comes into play is the push / pull behavior and I do read some of that in your post. They cope differently than you or I and have many defense mechanisms and move on much quicker. It's painful to us in that regards, it's as if we never meant anything or never existed, it is disassociation.
Her due date is likely triggering some of the emotions that you are feeling and that is normal. You feel like you are stuck and cannot think about anyone else but her in the last two months. It's a difficult place to be. I'm sorry. Are you working with a therapist?
“Detachment is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you.”—Ali ibn abi Talib
Yes, have been for the last 5 months, so she has seen (or heard) all that I have been going through, it's been enlightening.
Yes, all the feelings you mention are apparent within me.
I realize that the boundaries I would normally have in a relationship were simply not in place towards the end and yes, I was defensive and guess the downward spiral started and never stopped.
I almost felt as if she was under the impression that everything was "owed" to her, be it gifts, cars, suppers etc etc. I for example bought a tractor for the farm around Christmas time, she stated that I shouldn't have done it and instead should have spent the money on a present on her!
Her job, she works in PR, she made out that she was so busy, it was as if nobody else has a job, stated I was lazy (I run a large farm single handedly, so can assure you I am not lazy!)
Socially, we would go out for supper together very often but I only went out with her twice with her friends, I never pressed on an explanation for this. If we were asked out, she would always state being tired.
Re moving on, yes, it seems that she is fine, outwardly anyway but then I have not snooped as feel it would only put me back. So I assume she will just move onto the next person for a wash and repeat, it seems to me that the initial lust/honeymoon period is all she is interested in, once that is over the troubles start. Is this normal?
Its pretty hard to come to terms with, the fact that the last 8-9 months meant nothing to her but understand thats life.
So in effect her behavior was triggered by me or would she be the same with anyone else? Just curious, I sense that she has lots of short term relationships, always the victim. She seems to have a high turnover of friends and not a huge number of them either.
The whole sex side of it was very similar to a lot of stories on here, she never withheld but instead was the opposite. I also sensed that she was used to a more abusive relationship and simply couldn't cope with someone genuinely being nice to her (this the last 3 months of the relationship)
Yes, DD, that will be hard for both, did think to send a card saying I was thinking of her but will see how my gut feels at the time (have a month to decide) maybe best to just let sleeping dogs lie.
I did unblock her on all means of communication in case she wished to contact me re a chat about the DD but she blocked me on FB 2 days later, out of spite? who knows? So she obviously was keying in my name.
So question, once they discard do they ever come back into our lives again? Or do they just keep going forward from car crash to car crash? Just feel that if she contacted me in the next couple of months I wouldn't be strong enough to say "no" and where I'm now I would still actually like to sort it out, but am aware that I am in no emotional state to go out with anyone.
I suspect that she will start another relationship pretty quickly (if not already) and in circa 6 months time it will fail and guess thats when she will reconnect or breadcrumb?
She always maintains that she always stays friends with all her ex's, as she offered me the "lets be friends" straight after dumping me, told her to bu**er off on that one.
So after the discard, how do they cope? How do they get over it so quickly? Is it because the feelings they stated they had are just an illusion or simply that they just don't feel that emotionally deep like we do? I have never been like this ever before in my life, its a strange old world!
