I was skeptical about the validation stuff initially. I read another post and someone mentioned that we need to crack the code. I was tempted to ask him how to do that But every person, like an account, has their own code.
If you have a chance, observe counselors or therapists, and maybe people in healthcare like nurses and doctors. Some of them can be quite good at it, because they do it daily in their job and it comes naturally (in my opinion). I think our past experiences, upbringing, and occupation plays a part. I don't recall being validated many times in my life, and certainly not at work where I provide services in the technical field. So when I try it, it doesn't come naturally and my W is sensitive not just to the words spoken, but also the gestures, tone, and facial expression. Tough. But looking at it positively, it can be a useful skill set to have when dealing with other difficult people.
What I try to do is consciously tell myself not to make it worse, keep the objective in mind; to prevent the anger from escalating further, calming down so that a "normal" conversation can take place later hopefully.
If we focus on what they are saying, when they are in rage, it's basically verbal abuse and naturally we get angry, and end up being abusive too. The end result is unsurprisingly bad.
Be mindful of what triggers you, try not to lose your temper, and don't take it personally and be judgmental (this is hard for me because she hits below the belt).
After this, the validation will seem genuine. It makes sense because if you not in the right frame of mind, whatever is said that is of good intention will not appear to be.
All this has to be done within seconds and at the right time (I am still figuring this out).
Good luck
