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Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
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Topic: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC? (Read 736 times)
Schism
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Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
on:
January 12, 2013, 10:36:41 AM »
Hello all, and sorry for neglecting everyone. I spent the morning looking through some new posts, trying to figure out how and when to post my own story.
My step daughter is 10. She has a long list of abbreviations attached to her already. My heart breaks for her.
We've been on one hell of a ride. Since September, she has had four emergency admissions into the psychiatric hospitals. After each one, her dx's got more and more different: (I need to specify the first visit was at one hospital, the last three at a different hospital)
Visit one: major depressive disorder, single episode, psychotic features not present. Rule out ADHD and mood disorder. Sent home with Lexapro
Visit two: possible mood disorder in the making (maybe bi-polar), major depressive disorder, ODD, and possible personality disorder, especially borderline. Sent home with Abilify and Prozac
Visit three: Mood disorder: Bi-polar; Personality disorder, especially borderline and narcissistic; sever sibling rivalry; severe ODD. Sent home with Seroquel XR and Wellbutrin
Visit four: Mood disorder: Bi-polar; Personality disorders borderline and narcissistic, and possible sociopath; severe ODD, severe sibling rivalry; RTC is not an option, it is crucial. She didn't come home this time.
Those are her DX word for word based on her discharge summaries they have given us upon her discharge. She was not sent home this time, rather, she was released to our care to drive her to a residential program in Douglasville Georgia (6.5 hours away, but what can ya do?). She was VERY excited about this transition; she hates her home... . too many sisters, too many "stressors", too much responsibility, too many rules to follow... . it was much easier for her to be in the hospital... . its fun and she meets such cool people she says! She had no idea what is/was in store for her.
As of right now, we are looking at 1-5 months (based on Tricare that she will be at Youth Villages Inner Harbour Campus in GA. She is only allowed phone calls twice a week, which is much different than she or we were used to, we were getting to call nightly.
Day one, she learned very quickly she doesn't just get to sit in the day room and watch television. She also learned very quickly that their schedule is much more strict and intense than her home schedule was.
I hate to be honest right now, because it makes me feel like a terrible person; but I started to really resent her. The doctors were explaining that she is a pro at game playing, and she was at a point where she would get off on other people hurting because of her. I was more than relieved to drop her off, sign her in, and get back to my three other children.
My marriage has suffered
considerably
through this whole thing. I took on everything: I called facilities, I went to visitations, I communicated with doctors and therapists, I filled out all appropriate paperwork, I did it all... . and now it has caught up to me. Anyways, it is a new day, I feel I have the time to get back on track with my own homework, pay closer attention to my other daughters needs, and hopefully begin to rebuild my marriage with my husband. She's been gone for 2 days now, we will see how this goes. I hope and pray that she takes her treatment seriously (as of now, she claims she doesn't care about coming home, she'll follow the program until its discharge time, and then unleash her "skills". Hopefully that isn't the case .
Thank you for this site. For the support, I know I am one of few members who are struggling with children this young, with even younger children at stake, but those of you with older children had started to see the signs much sooner... . you just didn't have the support for DX then; and I admire you all... . often times I have to question how one stays in a family with these types of issues, I hope I have what it takes.
Schism
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Our objective
is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to
learn the skills
to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
lbjnltx
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we can all evolve into someone beautiful
Re: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
Reply #1 on:
January 12, 2013, 11:02:54 AM »
Hello Schism,
So good to hear that you were finally able to get her long term inpatient care.
Can you tell us more about the treatment model at the facility? Is this the facility that you chose ... . what did this process look like?
I hope and pray that she will begin to accept that reality is different than she perceives it... . that is the beginning of ownership and a more excellent way for her.
It seems apparent that there are very real struggles in your marriage... . and have been for a while. You are not alone in that... . BPD is a family disorder... . it affects all of our relationships as well as our individuality.
We are here to help in any way you need us.
lbj
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keep believing in miracles
Schism
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Posts: 97
Re: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
Reply #2 on:
January 12, 2013, 12:09:32 PM »
The process was absolutely tedious.
We were referred to a facility in Texas, Meridell Achievement Center. That was our only option given to us by TriCare. I called, I liked the staff that I spoke to, but the program wasn't geared towards personality disorder treatment. I knew that I needed a facility that was trained in and practiced DBT; Meridell had physicians who were, but it wasn't guaranteed that they would be assigned to our daughter. Another downside was we had
weeks
to wait for a bed to open up; and based on our daughters threats for when she came home, it was crucial to act quickly.
Then I went on the hunt. I had to look within the southern region of TriCare, because my daughter wouldn't be treated in another region; rather, she wouldn't be approved for services. I narrowed it down to three: Pinnacle Point in Little Rock Arkansas, Compass in Memphis TN, and Youth Villages in Douglasville GA.
Right off the bat I ruled out Compass: their website provided little to no information, and the individual designated to answer my questions about DBT, therapy styles, animal therapy, and rec therapy simply
could not answer them!
Pinnacle Point was a
smidge
more promising... . except they wouldn't take my daughters DX seriously; having never met her or gone over her clinical work, they stated that there must be something different going on because her DX were too seriously. Strike Pinnacle Point.
I hit the jackpot with Youth Villages. They state on their website that their
main source of therapy
was centered around DBT. They also had equine therapy, rec therapy, and even neurological feedback therapy. The website had my hopes pretty high; then I spoke to the woman handling placement. It was wonderful from that point on.
Regardless of the physicians assigned to my daughter, they are all trained in DBT and personality disorders (they did admit that they usually didn't handle children as young as mine, but they were up for it)
Upon admission, we realized right away that they were going to pull out all stops to get our daughter to show her "true" self, and they started in with that
immediately
. They had my daughter's number at the word "go". This was reassuring, although I am certain it scared my daughter... . she is so used to controlling the situations, she did not know what to do.
After I decided on Youth Villages, I just had to call the supervisor at TriCare, explain why I chose this program over the others they suggested, and you couldn't beat my case. They authorized approval, and the day my daughter was discharged also happened to be the day she started intake in Georgia... . it was crunched together and a tight itinerary, but we made it happen. We were lucky enough that my father in law stayed after the holidays to help out in any way we needed.
At first, the doors just kept slamming in our faces, and everything felt so hopeless; but patience, and lots and lots and lots of stress later, we are finally on a journey.
I cannot guarantee that our daughter will get anything out of this facility, but I will continue to encourage her to take her treatment seriously and come back home to us... . attitude and hatefulness aside, I miss my daughter. But in the meantime, I am working hard on picking myself up from this. i fell and shattered pretty hard through this all, but I can now focus at least a little more attention on the things around me.
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lbjnltx
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we can all evolve into someone beautiful
Re: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
Reply #3 on:
January 12, 2013, 12:21:15 PM »
Congrats on your process, determination, and follow through Schism!
Great job! Now we pray!
What kind of family involvement will there be with your d?
lbj
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pattyt
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Re: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
Reply #4 on:
January 12, 2013, 12:30:50 PM »
Schism,
So glad to hear your update. Let's hope they can work some magic on your dd. It sounds like a very good chance. Now concentrate on the TLC you and your family need now. Heal and regroup. Good luck!
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Schism
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Posts: 97
Re: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
Reply #5 on:
January 12, 2013, 02:02:06 PM »
There will be as much family involvement as finances allow. That was one of the set backs with this program as opposed to the others; the others provided transportation and even hotel; but those weren't our deciding factors... . treatment was. So, it was a trade... . better treatment, but we have more financial obligation.
This is going to be difficult, but it can be done. My husband is the sole bread winner, I am a full time student and mom.
We will be doing family therapy at least two times a month; we will go to the therapist here in town that has been treating our daughter and we will do a phone conference with our daughter and her therapist in GA. Can be more, can be less. Then, we have constant email and telephone communication with her treatment team.
When we have the money saved up, me and my husband can also go and sit in when they sit down each week and discuss treatment plans, changes, or progress, and we can lend our thoughts and opinions as well. If we were to stay in GA for a week, we could come in and out all day long if we want to. So we are still figuring out that end as of now, she's only been there a couple of days, and this is phase 2 that we are working on
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lbjnltx
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Relationship status: widowed
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we can all evolve into someone beautiful
Re: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
Reply #6 on:
January 12, 2013, 02:12:16 PM »
Sounds like a good plan... . her t at home being involved w/her inpatient care team... . I like that!
The level of "family" involvement is important... . so that the family can inforce the skills/communication that she learns and uses at rtc when she comes home... . that healing takes place in relationships. The healing of the family relationships is secondary only to her healing. It is all very highly intertwined and important.
So happy that you found a place that you believe can help her!
lbj
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qcarolr
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Relationship status: Married to DH since 1976
Posts: 4926
Re: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
Reply #7 on:
January 12, 2013, 02:56:06 PM »
Schism -
So much hard work for you - will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. To have found a good match with the needs of your D and support for the parents - appropriate treatment plan, open lines of communication and flexibility for family involvement. As lbj said, it is very intertwined for your D's healing and for the healing of other family r/s.
My DD26 started out very young too - we had such limited resources and my dh never got on board with any plans that would have helped along the way. So much damage done - so thankful for all my learning here that has led to healing in my family. I so much had to heal myself before I could manage a healthy r/s with my D - and improvements with dh and gd too.
Take care of yourself now, it is your turn.
qcr
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The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better. (Dom Helder)
GaGrl
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Re: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
Reply #8 on:
January 12, 2013, 03:06:36 PM »
I've known one of the therapists at Inner Barbour since 1985 and have a great deal of respect for him. That facility is highly regarded.
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"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
lovesjazz
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Re: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
Reply #9 on:
January 12, 2013, 10:55:11 PM »
Use this time to put your life back together. When our son was in rtf we worked on our falling apart marriage and spending time e with our daughter. Also, allot of interaction with the facility as it had parent seminars and parent/ child weekends at the facility.
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Schism
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Posts: 97
Re: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
Reply #10 on:
January 13, 2013, 02:18:24 PM »
It is encouraging to hear that the facility is known by another member; I have/had good feelings while dealing with them and getting her admitted and during the interview process. I do understand that it requires a lot of family involvement; and we plan to give it 110% as we have all along, but we cannot make her open her eyes or see the reality she is making for herself. That is going to be the hardest part. She is so young, she doesn't comprehend the consequences to her actions.
She is dead set on the idea that she is better off living in a facility than at home (we have too many ppl: 4 daughters, me and my husband) and she just doesn't "fit it"... . which seems like a crazy statement if you really knew the people living in my home! We are all a little loopy, just in different ways. What she is really saying is "you do not share my reality"... . and that is going to be the biggest task to tackle.
Logged
Our objective
is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to
learn the skills
to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
qcarolr
Distinguished Member
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married to DH since 1976
Posts: 4926
Re: Part... hmmm... not sure where we left off now; Part RTC?
«
Reply #11 on:
January 13, 2013, 06:16:33 PM »
Schism - hang on. give their program some time. from reading others experience here it takes a bit for the BPDkids to make a shift toward healing.
qcr
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The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better. (Dom Helder)
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