Hi bijou321,
I can sense your frustration and anger - you are trying to keep the house tidy and your DD is not doing her part. Has she ever lived on her own? Had to keep up with the chores in her own space? My DD didn't seem to think it was a big deal until she had her own space and struggled to keep it tidy while others made messes.
Have you checked out some of the communication skills we teach here? Specifically, D.E.A.R. M.A.N. comes to mind.
D= Describe the current situation. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to. Stick to the facts.
E= Express your feelings and opinions about the situation. Assume that others cannot read your mind. Don’t expect others to know how hard it is for you to ask directly for what you want.
A= Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying no clearly. Assume that others cannot read your mind. Don’t expect others to know how hard it is for you to ask directly for what you want.
R= Reinforce the reward to the person ahead of time. Tell the person the positive effects of getting what you want or need. Help the person feel good ahead of time for doing what you want.
M= Mindfully keep your focus on your objectives. Maintain your position. Don’t be distracted.
A= Appear Confident. Use a confident voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact. No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating, saying “I’m not sure,” etc.
N= Negotiate by being willing to give to get. Offer and ask for alternative solutions to the problem. What am I willing to “settle for” or “give up” in order to gain what I want in the situation?
Do you think this might work for you and your DD?
Here's a link with more information about the techniques that have been proven to improve communication with a pwBPD:
Communicate - Listen and Be HeardWe can support you, help you with ways to communicate so that you don't feel so used up at the end of the day. We're here for you.
~ OH