On a lighter note... I think

[griz]

Good Morning All:

Just wanted to share something a little lighter.  We adopted a rescue dog 2 1/2 years ago when DD was at her worst in hopes that having something to love and soothe her would help.  We adopted a cute "little" dog who was 18lbs and they assured us would not get bigger that 20-25lbs.  Today two years later he is 75lbs with a preference for sleeping in bed with me and dh at night.  So here is the problem.  The dog loves me and that is a problem because although he loves everyone in the family and anyone who comes into the house he prefers that noone talks to me or sits to close to me.  If dh sits next to me on the couch he squeezes himself inbetween us and cries until we make room for him.  He does not lke anyone having my attention other than him so if I am talking with anyone he positions himself right in front of me and cries nonstop until I either stop talking to them or I sit and continually pet him or I sit on the floor and let him sit in my lap while I am talking. (which is just wonderful that he fancys himself a lap dog).  So yesterday I took him to the vet for a check up and as usual he sat on my lap, crying the entire time. I am 5ft and weigh 100lbs so you can just imagine the visual, the vet can hardly even see me.  So I explained to the vet that this is a constant issue and he proceeded to tell me that because he is a rescue and where he came from they are prone to severe anxiety.  Dogs like this usually will attach themselves to one person in the household much more than others who they love and that we will need to work with him.  He sent me home with a prescription for Prozac (for the dog... . darn it) and the name of a "dog therapist" who could work with us.  He also told me that I need to understand his behavior and that I should reassure the dog when he is feeling anxious with statements like, "It's okay, mommy is right here" and to praise him when he able to seperate for short periods of time. ( Ah the old [url=https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation]validation[/b][/url] technique). Until we meet with the therapist I am suppose to not allow him to come to the bathroom with me and even though he cries outside the door when I come out I am suppose to praise him for the few minutes he spent with out me.  He told me the therapist will work slowly on seperating him from me by having him watch me throw out the garbage from the door instead of accompanying me, having him sit in another room with a gate in betwween us so that he can see me but not be right next to me and small things like that which we will increase until he is able to "self soothee himself".  I drove home, of course with the big idiot in the front passanger seat because he cries if he is in the back seat and told dh and the girls what the vet said. My older daughter rolled her eyes, dh  inquired on how much this will cost us and after telling him that the T would be about $70 per session he suggested I learn to live with it and DD couldn't stop laughing and suggested we bring him to DBT with us. She also suggested that we might want to consider opening ":)oggie DBT" and start a franchise.  This kept her laughing for hours.

The funny part about it is that in trying to help  dh practice using his dbt skills I have often  jokingly made him practice on the dog. So last night while lying in bed I came up with this idea... . If we were to take this seriously and try using some of the DBT skills on the dog maybe this would be good reinforcement for DD. Sounds a bit crazy but hey I'm up for anything.

Griz

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

I totally get what you are experiencing.  We have a dachshund will abandonment issues coupled with delusions of grandeur.

He barks at people when they hug, he screams non stop when we return if he has been left alone, he follows me where ever I go and cries when separated from me.  It is my d's dog so this has caused some problems with her having hurt feelings.

I think doggy dbt for anxiety, separation anxiety and abandonment issues is really a good idea.  Let us know how everyone is progressing!  Exposure therapy mixed in will most certainly be trying for everyone... . especially the dog... . Stay strong griz... . he is going to depend on you to stay committed even though it is difficult for you to go through as well.

[Vivgood]

I love it!

when it comes to amygdalas... . eh, its all the same.

it really is like training an animal, and the even more bizarre part is that you can do this ON YOURSELF... . and it works!

Great positive interaction with DD, too - I find that a more humorous approach works really well with validating communication, and is easier for me than trying to go for the therapeutic tone (which sounds ridiculous coming from me and causes DD to roll her eyes so hard I'm afraid they'll fall out).


vivgood

[griz]

VIv:  Thanks for the visual... . I cannot stop laughing at the thought of your DD rolling her eyes, exactly what my DD does.  I have often thought that people around us must think she is having a seizure.

lbjnltx:  Well thankfully there are others out there with the same issue.  I was beginning to think that only I could pick out the needy dog.  Maybe this is a whole new website.

I am committed to hanging in there with him,  he truly is the best friend.  Yesterday I saw a little quote on a book mark that said, " A dog is the one person who will always love you more than they love themselves".  How true... . and whats the big deal if he sleeps with me, right?

Griz

[lbjnltx]

Our little weiner dog does not even have the excuse of being a rescue  

He was way too pampered as a puppy... . we created a monster.

[mggt]

Dear griz,  What a nice story I could not stop laughing "put the dog on prosac" So funny our dogs love us uncondiontaly thank god for that 

[heronbird]

Thats so funny, How did you end up getting a dog with BPD as well.

He sounds lovely, if it was me, Id ask dh to sleep somewhere else and wouldnt have him sit next to me when the dog was there. Just joking.

I love animals, my cats give me so much pleasure, they give me something for me, they are always there for me.

Did you find a doggy therapist and did they really give prozac for a dog?

[griz]

heron:  Yes they really gave me a prescription for Prozac.  I had my choice that or Xanax.  I didn't fill either but I did meet with the dog T today.  She was lovely and told me that she thought we could do ok without medicating him.  She came and met him and agreed that he does have a lot of anxiety but she also pointed out that he is still a puppy and can still be helped.  She outlined what her plan would be and it really sounded alot like DBT.  Alot of validation, when he is anxious I should in fact get down to his level and tell him that it is okay and show him that I understand. Little by little we need to have him be apart from me such as sitting in the family room where he can see me but is gated off while I enjoy a cup of tea.  Even if he cries I have to stay seperated from him although I can tell him from where I am that he is okay.  After my tea I am to go to him and praise him (NOT WITH FOOD) just with a hug and telling him how proud I am of him.  He can sit on the couch with me and dh but we will have him sit next to me, not in between us, then we will go to him sitting on the floor by me.  All very slow but eventually he will learn new behaviors.

I am not comparing my DD to the dog here, but isn't this somewhat similar to DBT. Validating, self soothing, me setting boundaries. she kept reinforcing that I stick to the plan (boundaries) this I have to work on.  And btw he is not getting thrown out of the bed. When he snuggles up next to me at night it makes me feel so loved.

Griz

Griz

[jellibeans]

Griz

I am just finding this post about your dog... . I just kind of shook my head and thought... . how in the world did you find his "little guy"? You have a big heart... . I think you can train him still... . I love watching those dog training shows and it is amazing what they can do. Some of those dogs have real problems! Your doggie doesn't sound so bad. I guess you will have to change how you interact with your dog for him to change... . hmmm... . sounds familiar.

I just want to add I have a chiweenie ... . chico... . he often sits on my lap while I try to work at my computer... . even though this is kind of hard to do. What we won't do for our loved ones.

[heronbird]

That is the funniest story I have heard on here haha.

Does the dog get better treatment than our BPD people, ha, in UK my kittens get better than human private medical care   

[pessim-optimist]

Hi Griz!

I just discovered this thread.

Can't stop laughing... . Now, the good part is that when you have some practice and progress with the dog, you can safely apply it on your dd.

Look at it as having your private BPD guinea pig, I mean - dog. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[griz]

I really meant this just to be something "on a lighter note"  but I am using it as a teaching tool.  Yesterday as usual I had to answer the phone and the big moron started crying.  It was my older daughters doctor so I needed to speak to him and I kept trying to walk away and the further I walked the more he cried.  I finally let him sit in my lap while I talked.  DD was hysterically laughing at this.  After I hung up I just started talking about the dogs emotions.  What it must feel like to have emotions that you can't control and yet you can't seem to find a way to feel better.  How bad anxiety feels and how helpless it can make you feel.  DD started talking about how her anxiety makes her feel and it allowed us to get into a conversation on what she does to alleviate her anxiety.  This led us to a discussion about the skills that DBT teaches and how wonderful it would be if he could use these skills.  In talking about the dog and not focusing on her I was able to point out how the skills can really help.

We came up with a good idea to try using the DBT skill of distraction.  We decided the next time this happened we would ask him if he would like to what we call "mind the block".  He loves to sit at the front door with the door open and look out.  He can be kept busy doing this for the longest time so we thought we would try having him use a distracting skill. At any given time if we say to him "do you want to mind the block" he will run to the front door and patiently wait for us to open it.  Now I know this seems like it is all about the dog and you probably think I'm a bit batty but I thought this might be a good practice for DD.

Griz

[lbjnltx]

Whatever tools you have in your tool box to get the job done are good tools!

[Reality]

griz,

The best RTFs use this strategy: using the activities of the day to incorporate the therapeutic goals.

Lnjnitx's dd had equine therapy.  You have established a new therapy: canine therapy.  Congrats!

Reality

[lbjnltx]

griz,

The best RTFs use this strategy: using the activities of the day to incorporate the therapeutic goals.

Lnjnitx's dd had equine therapy.  You have established a new therapy: canine therapy.  Congrats!

Reality

There are many rtc's (especially those that are for kids w/RAD) that use canine therapy.

[pessim-optimist]

You have established a new therapy: canine therapy.  Congrats!

Reality

Now, is it canine therapy, or therapy for the canine? Or - both! 

Let's hope he can be distracted with 'minding the block'. If he is too distressed and can't focus on anything else, it may not work... .

Maybe first, bring him to a 5 (get him to relax a wee bit) and THEN distract him? Just a thought.

This is turning out to be a fun 'practice' thread.