Whats the longest you have gone with NC?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Whats the longest you have gone with NC before the BPDex contacted you again?

[strikeforce]

Whats the longest you have gone with NC before the BPDex contacted you again?

[arielleis]

Everytime I initiated NC, she would text me after 2 days as if nothing had happened.

Things would have been VERY VERY different had I known about this site back then... .

To lure me back in she would say "I am really depressed, I need you in my life more than you can imagine"

OR

one day she used the "my grandfather died" (I found out down the road the man was still alive... . ). I immediately called her asked her how she was doing, and she was telling me in the most monotonous voice that she had just gotten back from the funeral and that "it is what it is, it was expected, let's not talk about it".

Had I only known about this site... . Had. I. Only. Known. About. This. Site.

[Waifed]

Currently at 5-1/2 months NC after 3 years.  Neither of us have made an attempt to contact the other.

[caughtnreleased]

currently one year 2 months NC.  Neither of us has contacted the other! and WOW life is GREAT!

[guitargrl]

Probably just over 2 weeks.  I am there at the 2 week mark again right now and its tough, I hope I can stay strong. I am usually so strong for a week or so then lose it and we come back together….I am determined to make a change this time. 

[love2give]

Texted her two nights ago.  I really got to get my ___ together.

I don't get why most members here are the ones ignoring their exBPD texts and calls where as with me Im the one still texting her and she has TOTALLY shut me out and not responded.

I think its cause I know deep down she will never ever contact me again and I cant accept that because of the complete lack of closure in my mind.

[BorisAcusio]

8 days NC right now. 7 day was the previous record.

[NoCRV]

Love2give,

A lot of people on here are on different stages of moving on that's why they ignore their BPDex's text messages.

Some have been recycled only to be dumped again and want no part of that relationship anymore.  Some have realized that relationship is toxic and have chosen to move on without their BPDex.  Some are healing from the wounds of the relationship and know any contact with the BPDex will only bring more pain and stunt the healing process.  I can't tell you why your BPDex is shutting you out but I can tell you why mine is.  My BPDex has recycled her exbf.  If I were to text her, she would ignore it.  Why? Because she has no need for me.  She has attached herself to the exbf and I am split black.

As far as closure goes, I have been in relationships where it seems like there is no closure at the end.  The thing I have learned is that closure is the end of relationship.  I had always hoped that I could sit down with that person and make sense of the relationships failure but if you think about it, you are expecting the person you are allowing to hurt you to make you feel better.  Sometimes people are less than honest with their reasons or only give you half of the truth anyways.  Instead of seeking closure I have learned to just accept that person no longer wants to be in the relationship anymore for whatever reason. 

I hope that helps or makes a little sense to you.  It's early here so it barely makes any sense to me.

[arielleis]

Texted her two nights ago.  I really got to get my ___ together.

I don't get why most members here are the ones ignoring their exBPD texts and calls where as with me Im the one still texting her and she has TOTALLY shut me out and not responded.

I think its cause I know deep down she will never ever contact me again and I cant accept that because of the complete lack of closure in my mind.

I totally feel you. The reason I believe some members are able not to reach out is because we have read read read so much about it and became familiar with their MO.

Believe me, you will get closure and will be at peace with yourself the more you read, the more you see similarities in their behavioral patterns. It is almost as if they were ALL cut from the same cloth. They say the same things, act the same way, behave in the same fashion.

Stay strong!

[almosthadme]

Texted her two nights ago.  I really got to get my ___ together.

I don't get why most members here are the ones ignoring their exBPD texts and calls where as with me Im the one still texting her and she has TOTALLY shut me out and not responded.

I think its cause I know deep down she will never ever contact me again and I cant accept that because of the complete lack of closure in my mind.

I totally feel you. The reason I believe some members are able not to reach out is because we have read read read so much about it and became familiar with their MO.

Believe me, you will get closure and will be at peace with yourself the more you read, the more you see similarities in their behavioral patterns. It is almost as if they were ALL cut from the same cloth. They say the same things, act the same way, behave in the same fashion.

Stay strong!

So true,it's almost creepy how they are almost all the same.Like little demons spawned from depths of hell to toy with us.

[caughtnreleased]

I think what has allowed me to stay nc most fundamentally is my pride. And he never reached out to me since he's busy with his new wife.  Perhaps I should thank my UBPD mom for having helped me cultivate this trait of pride and a bit of stubbornness ... . They say pride is not a good trait but I've discovered in this situation it has been a life saver!  They say mules are highly intelligent animals... . Don't they? 

[DownandOut]

I think what has allowed me to stay nc most fundamentally is my pride. And he never reached out to me since he's busy with his new wife.  Perhaps I should thank my UBPD mom for having helped me cultivate this trait of pride and a bit of stubbornness ... . They say pride is not a good trait but I've discovered in this situation it has been a life saver!  They say mules are highly intelligent animals... . Don't they? 

Same for me. I have pretty much stayed NC ONLY because of my pride. Almost 6 months to the day and not  a word from her. I hate it that I will never talk to this person that I once loved for the rest of my life, but it has to be this way.

[Clearmind]

Work on detaching rather than feverishly protecting NC.

NC on its own does not help with detaching. I have seen it so many times where members are NC with their ex for a year or more then they unblock them and get a text or call - they post back here about how it broke their heart.

Any ideas how you can begin to detach?

Rise above the need to declare them evil. We loved them once! Sometimes our own shame can cause us to paint them black also.

[LettingGo14]

This board and community are going to save my life.

I cannot believe the similarities in stories.   I am day 3 of no contact.   

I finally realized that I'm not going to get resolution from her.  She shut down and shut me out.

The only resolution I'm going to get is with this community.

[love2give]

This board and community are going to save my life.

I think it already has saved mine.

Thank you all

[HarposGal]

Texted her two nights ago.  I really got to get my ___ together.

I don't get why most members here are the ones ignoring their exBPD texts and calls where as with me Im the one still texting her and she has TOTALLY shut me out and not responded.

I think its cause I know deep down she will never ever contact me again and I cant accept that because of the complete lack of closure in my mind.

I text him too. But he is not technically an ex. He breaks up with me by implication anytime a person to whom he wants to deny me, shows up. I am always the contact initiator even though he is BPD. It was a pattern I fell into before I knew. I thought I was setting a good example in problem solving, reach out, discuss honestly, apologize. Haha!

Normally he initiates NC when he is mad about something trivial. So, I did an experiment last October to see how long it would take for him to call if I initiated NC. He didn't. We ran into eachother after 3 weeks and all he could say was that I looked beautiful and he missed me. I told him if he missed me he should probably call. He initiated one call after that. It's almost like you don't exist emotionally unless you are in the room, or they at least see a picture of you. For example, my BPD was 'in remission' until his BPDex wife showed up in person. He was recovering and regulatable when he had no pictures of his son in his house, as he gradually adds more and more pictures of his son, he pushes me further away, self injures more, and is more depressed.

We are back at a point of NC again four months later. Decided to initiate NC when Valentine's was cancelled because he couldn't admit to his son's neighbor he had a Valentine... . his son might find out of course, so he had to play it off and go out with neighbor dude instead of me. Currently 6 days.

[love4meNOTu]

I have no intention of seeing, speaking to him or contacting him in any way for the rest of my life.

It's the best thing for me.

Hugs,

L

[Octoberfest]

Just counted... . 31 weeks tomorrow. 

[TheDude]

One year, give or take a week.

For me, 'NC' doesn't mean no contact, it means No Connection. At all. No Facestalk. No name Googles. No excuses... . No Conduits. Nothing. Not once. I don't even know that she's alive.

The previous breaks were 6 months with 1 month NC, 6 months with 3 months NC, and 8/8 months. I won't be falling for the madness again.

[free-n-clear]

breaks up with me by implication anytime a person to whom he wants to deny me, shows up.

 I feel your pain on that score, HarposGal. My uBPDxgf did exactly the same thing.

              Now at about 6 weeks NC.

[BP39]

Nc isn't a problem for me... . I was married 15 yrs and 2 preteen kids. That I I have custody of... . I came to a point where every voice from here  was the same... . a nice needing help voice or the evil trying to set me up for execution voice. .it all sounds the same... . NC  is easy... . there's nothing left for her to take or do to me

[allweareisallweare]

Six months it's coming up to, and I can't see myself breaking it - I don't believe in the whole don't-hate thing - I keep NC half because I don't like the exBPD and half to self preserve, since I know I am wasted on her and all my insight is too - it's great sometimes to be away, but it's scary to feel so far up this ladder It's hard not to contact the person and ... . explain and rant. But I won't and I wlll uncork champagne soon because no mistake SIX MONTHS is an achievement - I have told her friends about her BPD when they deigned to delete me off Facebook because I wanted them to know that they were acting on behalf of someone who is mentally ill and should call into question their own decision therefore - not that I care - but I have not corresponded with her since Sept 5th and it feels great

[dzstyle]

My ex broke up with me. She turned NC immediately actually in the beginning she said that we could remain friends but as I was so shocked by the sudden break up, I tried bargaining, she turned NC putting all the blame on me. I broke up NC once two weeks ago (we broke up 2 1/2 months ago). Does it happen that they go NC forever or it is always a matter of time before they show up again?

[Madison66]

It's been 72 days since I finally cut the cord with my uBPD/NPD ex gf of 3+ years.  We exchanged some goods about ten days in and then she tried to contact me a couples times within a few days.  I didn't take the bate and have maintained n/c for the last 60 days.  That is the longest ever and it really doesn't matter anymore cuz I'm happy moving on.  I'm safe from her contacting me as long as she can maintain a replacement.  I figure when something happens there, I will hear from her probably via text although she lives on my block (ugh!).  Again, it doesn't matter anymore.  N/c was never about shutting her out, but rather creating and maintaining healthiness in my life.  I'm beginning to feel good and really enjoy life again and there is no place for her craziness in it.