Wrong place? New here

[Depression = 72% of members]

My husband has not been diagnosed with BPD and I've only just begun to really accept that his behavior is not typical and that it affects me greatly. My family and friends have recently (within the past two years) telling me that he is emotionally abusive and has narcissistic behavior. The posts and stories that I read on here make his behaviors seem very mild.  His moods are erratic, but not nearly as much as some others I read about on here... .he blows up about little things sometimes and frequently makes mean jokes, things like, "You can't joke about anything anymore"  He is incredibly attention seeking and says things like, "No one loves me, no one pays attention to me" He has dug us into a financial debt that is substantial, but it isn't like he goes out and spends reckless amounts of money recently.  The debt was accrued from years ago when I was much less aware.  He is not physically abusive to me... .because his behavior seems milder than others, I honestly feel like maybe I'm wrong about seeking support.  I also know in many ways he has "trained me" to think what happens is normal.  Thanks.

[bookworm1]

My husband has not been diagnosed with BPD and I've only just begun to really accept that his behavior is not typical and that it affects me greatly. My family and friends have recently (within the past two years) telling me that he is emotionally abusive and has narcissistic behavior. The posts and stories that I read on here make his behaviors seem very mild.  His moods are erratic, but not nearly as much as some others I read about on here... .he blows up about little things sometimes and frequently makes mean jokes, things like, "You can't joke about anything anymore"  He is incredibly attention seeking and says things like, "No one loves me, no one pays attention to me" He has dug us into a financial debt that is substantial, but it isn't like he goes out and spends reckless amounts of money recently.  The debt was accrued from years ago when I was much less aware.  He is not physically abusive to me... .because his behavior seems milder than others, I honestly feel like maybe I'm wrong about seeking support.  I also know in many ways he has "trained me" to think what happens is normal.  Thanks.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[isilme]

BPD is a spectrum - both across the behaviors of those with it, and the prevalence of those behaviors day to day with one person.  H can be very volatile or fairly stable.  It all depends on so many factors it's sometimes hard to spot what set him off today when he was fine earlier this week.

"You can't joke about anything anymore."  I get this, too.  It's hard for me sometimes to read that he is joking, and not actually upset about something, trying to be flippant and not in a bad mood. 

"No one loves me" is the BPD refrain.  The actul fact is they don't love themselves and can't see outside their own shell, or accept that people can have feelings other than the ones they are experiencing at that moment.

You're welcome to talk here - I come here because H has been "on the fritz" lately after a rather longish time of being even emotionally.  I don't share this with family or friends, because they just don't understand.  You have to live with it to understand it.