Welcome C0nfused: I'm sorry you are having problems with your relationship. You say she was from across the country from you and you got married a year after you met online. How much time did you spend with face-to-face encounters, prior to marriage?
She was extremely depressed, anxious and missed her job, and family back home.
Leaving a job, moving away from family and friends and beginning a marriage can all individually be stressful events. Collectively, they have a greater impact.
Did you and your wife talk about her seeking a new job, before you married? Has she posted resumes online?
We have had so many fights and it always ends up being my fault
It takes two to argue, so using some strategy can help you prevent or minimize arguing. The lessons below could be helpful for you:
ARGUING - DON'T ENGAGE DON'T JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain) and avoid circular arguments I have started counselling and she has repeatedly denied joining me because she says "she's fine" and it's me that needs to be counselled not her. It's frustrating because I'm a sensitive guy and want help but it just always feels like it's my problem and have to fix it on my own and she's never wrong. What do I do and how do I move forward from here?
You can't change your wife. The only thing you have control over is yourself. By changing the way you interact with your wife and the way you react to her, you can make things better for you.
It's good that you are getting counseling. Sometimes, when just one person changes the way they interact with another, the relationship can improve (even when the other person is the one that is emotionally immature)
One strategy that can be helpful is to
DON'T INVALIDATE. your partner by words, expression or body language. You can, also, choose to try some validation. You don't want to validate any facts that aren't valid. When it comes to feelings, however, you don't have to agree with the feelings someone is having. Validating someone's feelings is just about acknowledging their feelings, not about agreeing with them.
There are more links to lessons in the right hand margin and in the "Lessons" thread at the top of this message board. Give some of the skills a try. Continue to talk to your counselor on how to improve communication in your marriage, explore your values and life goals. After giving things your best effort, you may have to make a decision on whether you want to stay in the marriage. Hopefully, your counseling and your participation here can help you steer your marriage in a better direction.
