Help I’m overwhelmed

[Depression = 72% of members]

I don’t even know where to begin. So I will just start at the beginning of the relationship and tell our story. The Relationship began at work, we were coworkers, let’s call her M. I was in a unhealthy 18 year marriage with three children, I was very unhappy. I left my wife and children for M. My divorce took about 10 months. M is younger than me by 21 years. The relationship has been a rollercoaster of emotions from both of us. My new girlfriend (M), was young, energetic and gave me tons of attention which I had been lacking. We connected deeply very quickly. But I have to admit that I had a feeling that  something wasn’t quite right within the first month. She moved in with me within that first month, I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells. About at the year mark (following multiple breakups and passionate makeups) she was hospitalized for her thoughts of self harm. She was then diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. That was a little over six months ago and she has been through multiple meds trying to find the right one. We got engaged about a month after her diagnosis.
She has broken the engagement off at least 6 times since and now. Currently we are not together by still living together  in same home. She says that she doesn’t love me anymore but she has said that a hundred times before. She is hardly talking to me most days, but then I ask her out on a date, she seems a little interested, we have fun, come home and have great sex. Then next day or so,  I’m blocked out again. It’s not all her.  I’m not handling things right either, but this is going to either put me in the hospital or jail. Tonight she claims to have gone out with another guy and I am devastated! She gets back home and then we have a fight. I need help! I don’t know what to do! I want her back and refuse to give up!

[Silty]

I don’t even know where to begin. So I will just start at the beginning of the relationship and tell our story. The Relationship began at work, we were coworkers, let’s call her M. I was in a unhealthy 18 year marriage with three children, I was very unhappy. I left my wife and children for M. My divorce took about 10 months. M is younger than me by 21 years. The relationship has been a rollercoaster of emotions from both of us. My new girlfriend (M), was young, energetic and gave me tons of attention which I had been lacking. We connected deeply very quickly. But I have to admit that I had a feeling that  something wasn’t quite right within the first month. She moved in with me within that first month, I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells. About at the year mark (following multiple breakups and passionate makeups) she was hospitalized for her thoughts of self harm. She was then diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. That was a little over six months ago and she has been through multiple meds trying to find the right one. We got engaged about a month after her diagnosis.
She has broken the engagement off at least 6 times since and now. Currently we are not together by still living together  in same home. She says that she doesn’t love me anymore but she has said that a hundred times before. She is hardly talking to me most days, but then I ask her out on a date, she seems a little interested, we have fun, come home and have great sex. Then next day or so,  I’m blocked out again. It’s not all her.  I’m not handling things right either, but this is going to either put me in the hospital or jail. Tonight she claims to have gone out with another guy and I am devastated! She gets back home and then we have a fight. I need help! I don’t know what to do! I want her back and refuse to give up!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[PearlsBefore]

Although benzodiazapines are rarely prescribed in some regions anymore due to the risk of addiction, my only experience in seeing them work on BPD behaviors has been overwhelmingly positive - not quite the "needle in the neck" that you see in psych hospitals on television programs or whatever, but remarkably stabilizing and at least so far as I've seen - not habit-forming. It's worth considering - though again, doctors prefer to try other things and wait for them to fail before turning to benzos now.

The rest of your story...how open are you to hearing hard truths?

I'll start with this one nugget; I've been there, sex is amazing with a woman like that...but it's not worth it.