spouse with BPD

[kabubi]

Hi all,

While not formally confirmed by any professional, I know I am married to a wonderful woman which happens to have BPD.

Just came from what was supposed to be a nice dinner out in family (wife and two daughters, aged 4 and 7). Suddenly one of the kids missbehaved and at the same time my wife complained that a family in front of us was watching her and my reaction in loud voice was that everybody is nervous here that then ignited my spouse and ruined the rest of the night. Few minutes later, as she was announcing me that she will go to the gym tomorrow, she was telling me that I should look for a sex partner because after she has sex with me the next day her body hurts so she decided not to do it anymore. otherwise, we should continue being together as usual.

As you can imagine, i try to explain her why this did not make any sense, trying to explain the difference between sex and making love and that at my age (54, she is 43), that was all I care about.

While at some point I understood we have agreed to go to see together a therapist to deal with these and any other issue, she suddently changed for worst saying that she does not love me, she wants to be by herself,  not with me, divorce, etc . 

This is not the first time this happened. Several times she abandoned home with our daughers after a fight. Then, in a few days, back to normal, wonderful sex, for example.  Today was, however,  more intense and direct.

I really think she is not serious and this is not what she really wants but, first question for the group,

how do I know is serious?

second question, what should I do when something like this happen?

I read many times that a BPD fear of abandonment makes her do this only to seek validations of my intention not to abandon her.

I have no intension to do so. I love my wife and in general have been able to survive her rage attacks.

But all of this off course does not make me good (lot of stress and feel the blood pressure coming up) and specially when all of this is in front of the children.

Any help on this is more than valuable and if this is read by any professional in NYC, happy to pay you a visit when you have time.

I just praired to god for all the wisdom in the world so not to loose my wife. May be this was finding this site and through it the person who can save my family.

Thanks to all that have read this.

Kabubi

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Kabubi:   
Welcome to the Community!

I think you got to the "Parents & Sibling Board" by mistake. 
I responded to your 2nd post at the link below:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=310478.msg12873641#msg12873641