when ;will it be over

[Depression = 72% of members]

It just keeps going round and round. If I cut off contact one way she finds another. She has told me she will not give up or let me go. If I say please let me go. She says you don't mean that. If I say please move on she says no. Divorce isn't final. I stay sick, nauseated, scared. Torn. It has gotten so hard. I am ready for divorce. She will not quit finding ways to inject herself into my life and consciousness. She is never going away. I know she isn't. Im at point of despair. Lost. She fired her attorney. Divorce was within 3 weeks. She will find a way to postpone. I can't go out. She will find me. There is no way I could even consider talking to someone of opposite sex. I think I will have to move out of state. I am hers. Or else... .  

[lost007]

It just keeps going round and round. If I cut off contact one way she finds another. She has told me she will not give up or let me go. If I say please let me go. She says you don't mean that. If I say please move on she says no. Divorce isn't final. I stay sick, nauseated, scared. Torn. It has gotten so hard. I am ready for divorce. She will not quit finding ways to inject herself into my life and consciousness. She is never going away. I know she isn't. Im at point of despair. Lost. She fired her attorney. Divorce was within 3 weeks. She will find a way to postpone. I can't go out. She will find me. There is no way I could even consider talking to someone of opposite sex. I think I will have to move out of state. I am hers. Or else... .  

[lost007]

I tried arguing. Reasoning today. It just won't work. She showed at my work and my apartment this week. Said she was coming in to my work if I didn't agree to come down and talk. Then she says she just wanted to talk. But wasn't being threatening. It's as if she lives on a different planet. She is stalking me. Giving me no air. Trying to ruin me. Suck any last ounce of courage I have. I lost my civililty today and regret it. Man oh man.  What am I going to do.

[trouble11]

I don't know if it's something you can do, but I'm sure if you wanted to you could get a restraining order.  No-one has to live like this.  Maybe if she gets carted off a couple of times she'll get the hint.  Just a thought ... .  

[lost007]

There is a restraining order. She knows how to get around. She's so smart. Knows where and how to show where I won't call law. Please analyze this for me. She just sent this text. Keep in mind. I moved out. Divorce in 3 weeks. I have told her it will go through. She doesn't believe me because of our history of push/pull. I said today. Please, please just agree to let me go and give me peace. She wanted sex this weekend as her kids are gone. I don't want to be with her. This is what she says. This is after a verbal circular argument. It started because she wouldn't admit that showing at work and threatening to come up if I didn't come down was a threat. She says she really wouldn't have done it.  Here are her words. "you want it this way don't you. I do nothing but try to hear your voice. See you. Love on you but you are so bristly that you would rather push me away than to be nice for even one second. You never say anything nice. Just constant cutdowns."  I have left her. I have asked her to leave me alone. I have begged her to stop. This is just crazy.

[turtle]

I have begged her to stop.

lost007 --  

Stop begging.

The best way to show her you mean it is to quit engaging.  Period.  No more telling her to stop or begging or texting or anything.  

If she comes to your work, don't tell her you'll call the Police, CALL the Police.  If there is a restraining order, make sure the Police know each and every time she violates it.

If you really want this to stop, YOU have to stop.  

I know how hard this is, but the only way it stops is if you stop engaging.

turtle

[lost007]

Turtle. She says she will not let me go. She says I don't deserve peace because of what she has lived with this last several years. I am afraid she is going to do something bad. I have tried to talk to people. Those on my side see it. Her side doesn't. I think she will bring hell before she lets me go. There is a sick obsession here. She says I know you wish I would go away. I know you don't want me. Then she says that is unrealistic. That it just isn't going to happen that way. I have told her I pray for the day her name never crosses my phone. She laughs and says sorry, we are not divorced yet. I'm still your wife. Think fatal attraction. It's like that. I never knew I had to feel this way. That I could be so helpless. She means business.  She is way too good for me to outsmart.

[turtle]

I was stalked... .  HEAVILY for years.  It was horrible.  So, I get the fatal attraction thing.

Here's the thing.  You have rights.  Go to the Police TODAY and find out what your rights are.  Get some advice from them as to how to handle this.  Tell them she is violating that restraining order.

And... .  stop talking to her.

If you haven't already, start keeping a record of the texts and emails she sends.  Save any messages she leaves so you can take that to the Police.

You don't have to live this way.

Get the authorities involved. 

turtle

[lost007]

Her friends are on police dept. Has her bases covered. I'll have to figure out. I just can't breathe.

[dharmagems]

Ok, Lost, ok wait,

You are doing this to yourself.

Do something else,

Go to a CODA meeting, organize your apartment, do your taxes, do your accounting, call a friend to shoot the breeze, draw, sing with music, hike with a meetup group, go to the gym, go biking, do something else, socialize with calm and sane and funny people, go to the range and shoot a gun, join a class... .  

Focus on other things during parts of the day.  It takes time, you're ok.

We all know what you're going through.

[Curvy girl]

Lost007 I'm so sorry about wht you're going through.

I am in a similar situation. My ex of four weeks still calls, texts etc. shows up randomly where I live now. Sends flowers gifts food the lot. Drove around all night to local night spots when I was out with my friends, thank goodness I was in the bathroom when he got to the one I was actually at.

I have asked him to stop, told him I really don't want the relationship to continue but he says " he's not going to to let me walk away without a fight". All his actions are under the guise of trying to get me back and showing me how much of a good man he can be. It's creepy. And like everything that was wrong with the relationship he just won't listen to me, doesn't care about my needs and busts m boundaries.

I agree with turtle though. Don't pick up the gauntlet. If she calls don't answer. Block her number. If she comes to your work don't go down and even if her friends work in the police department go and try and get a restraining order anyway.

She only continues these behaviours because she knows they work. If she calls a certain number of times she knows you will eventually pick up.

Stay strong and if you do eventually need to move state do so for your own peace of mind and safety.

[lost007]

Intellectually I can grasp it. Emotionally I can't. I guess I am afraid. She has shown at my apartment and work this week. So I am still looking over my shoulder. Hacked my credit card account. Changed the password so she could see where I spent And how much. T

Went to dinner with friends. She sent text asking if I thought I could do something like that without her finding out?  Had to call and cancel card and change card number. She lets me know she is watching me. If I say this people will think I am nuts. I can't compete with her deviousness. It's too much.

[lost007]

Yes curvy girl. Sounds similar. My stbex tells me I just don't get how she feels about me. If I could only see her heart. I haven't interfered with her. I have asked repeatedly to be let go. I have not sent a text or made a call. I did make mistake of letting her in apartment several weeks back when she had a bad day. That just made it worse. She hung on tighter. Saying-see you do love me. Otherwise you wouldn't have let me in. She says she is trying tolet me go but she just isn't there yet. Says her T tells her that I shouldn't expect anything different from her at his time as I left her abruptly-carefully planned on my end. She had vowed to not let me out of the house. Camped out for weeks knowing I would make a break. I just don't se it happening. I guess I think it may i just can't see her letting me go. Unless Prince Charming comes along. Better have money.