UBPD Mother--apparently she lied about everything. Now what?

[livelovelaughter]

I don't know what to do about this.  I am devastated.  I just found out my whole life was based on lies--literally.

My parents split up when I was young; my father moved away and I never saw him again.  He left me with UBPDMother.

When I started drawing boundaries with her as an adult, UBPDMother started acting really strangely.  Her rages, the stuff of legend to begin with, got many times worse.  I went NC.

I recently had to find my father because another family member passed away and he was one of the heirs.  Well, in the course of speaking with him, I started asking him questions.  His answers blew me away.

Come to find out that UBPDMother has lied on a number of legal documents tied to me (in addition to everything else she's turned out to have lied about).  I do not know what to do next.  My father doesn't know what to do either, but is willing to help me clean up the mess as best he can, on the condition UBPDMother not know he is helping me.


Is there anyone here who would know what to do?  or how to do it?

[GeekyGirl]

Hi livelovelaughter,

Welcome!   My goodness, it sounds like you've had quite a shock recently. I don't blame you for being upset and not sure what to do from here. I can imagine that you feel betrayed. I'm so sorry. 

What kind of support, aside from your dad, do you have for yourself? What would you like to do from here? How are your mother's lies affecting you now?

While this has to be very difficult, know that you're not alone. There are many of us here with mothers with BPD who understand the challenges that you're facing. You've come to the right place for support.

You'll find some good answers here. Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

-GG

[livelovelaughter]

Well, I have a few good friends that, while they don't understand UBPDM's illness, nor my reactions to it, do at least try to listen.

Right now, what I feel is scared.  and sad.  and baffled.  Who lies about their child in profound ways and why do they do it?  and how do I go about cleaning up this mess without it costing me a fortune? :'(

[Suzn]

Hello livelovelaughter 

I'm sorry you're struggling right now. It's upsetting to be lied to. You may find some answers to "cleaning up this mess" in regards to legal documents over on the legal board here: Leaving Board: Family law, divorce and custody

[ForeverDad]

 

My parents split up when I was young; my father moved away and I never saw him again.  He left me with UBPDMother.

And I'd guess that she always told you that your dad didn't care about you, didn't love you, that he just walked away, etc?  Whatever she told you, now you've learned that he didn't walk away, he was driven away by her behaviors.  However, it's still a lot to come to terms with.  Given time, you can adjust to the changed history.  This is separate from the current legal issues, but do both of you want to have a father-daughter relationship going forward?  For both of you that sounds like an opportunity not to pass up.   And maybe in time he'll realize that a relationship with you, however delayed, is worth far more than the trouble your mother could try to cause.  I suspect he'll get a stronger backbone as your relationship grows and strengthens.  Meanwhile, we're glad you've now got a parent who can counteract some of your other parent's lies and hurts.

[sophiegirl]

just like to say that its wonderful you've made contact with your dad. Like you my dad left when I was a baby and we had no contact with him, then I found out  when I was about 20 that their 'story' was mostly fabrication, even my name. I didn't get in touch with him as mother would have found out somehow and I couldn't risk the reprisals. How are you sorting things out?

Growing up I could never understand why he left me with the uBPD mother either until I discovered his wife was not my mother. He has died now and I sort of regret not getting in touch so I am pleased for you to have made contact with yours.

[livelovelaughter]

My dad & I are working on a father/daughter relationship after I came right out and asked if what uBPDm was true or not (long story short, no shock here to find out that uBPDm lied).

I'm actually doing *very* well with my stepmother, who unknowingly uncovered even more lies from uBPDm.

  I've even met a couple of stepsiblings, nieces and nephews and inlaws.  So far that's gone as well as can be expected.

Unfortunately, and I don't know how... uBPDm found out I'd been in contact with my dad/stepmother.  So uBPDm is pulling over the top stunts again and I'm the favorite target.

I'm so tired of being the target of uBPDm's rage/stunts/whatever it is that is running through her head. 

[mysoulishome]

My father doesn't know what to do either, but is willing to help me clean up the mess as best he can, on the condition UBPDMother not know he is helping me.

Hold the phone... .why is he so afraid of her STILL? Can she really take anything else away from him? I would think he would be ecstatic to get any chance to be back in your life and forget anything she thinks/says etc... .