hi townhouse,
for me, in my situation finding a way to be with my partner and not be at the mercy of the emotional upheavals and the physical drama took a lot of thought and a lot of energy. energy in the way of boundary enforcement.
when I came into this relationship I didn't come with a lot of self esteem. that's probably what made it so attractive to me in the beginning, the over the top validation I originally got from my partner was like crack cocaine, I couldn't get enough.
some of the work I had to do on myself was around self validation and self care. and it was surprisingly difficult. I had to do it in baby steps. no pun intended. micro steps of not just saying it's okay for me to do XYZ but I can survive your reaction to XYZ.
I suppose my ultimate desire would be for him to continue to live in the house as before but with me taking longer breaks in the city away from him to keep my own sense of self.
Regardless of what he does with the house, is it possible for you to establish a pattern of time in the city? Could you start to work toward that now, however that would look for you? Could you keep a second place that is yours alone?
you have some tough stuff coming up, have a safe quiet comfortable space would likely be good for you.
'ducks