Adjourned

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Financial trial was supposed to start this week. He's still not provided all of the info requested of him, surprise, surprise. Per trial hearing was on new yrs eve... .  he didn't turn up, he's gone on a 2 week hoiday to his country of origin! That would be the 6 th foreign holiday since we separated 18 month ago, and he still maintains he can't pay child maintenance and wants spousal maintenance from me 

The limited info  he has provided sol says she has reasonable grounds for reporting him for money laundering.its unbelievable, we had top live such a frugal lifestyle ( aka control) and he had just under a quarter of million in his account without working!

I could go on and on. Bottom line,I never, ever knew the man, and that's just how he wanted it. I was just the nuisance he had to share the house with. Last supervised contact this w.end, then 2 of supported contact the unsupervised. Ds10 dreading it. He had first full blown panic attack a few week ago. Due to be seen by psyches end of jan

On new year eve I thought here comes my first full year without ex... .  then realised that was 2012! I just feel like all is still on hold waiting for it all to be over, althought I am divorced.

Have been off work with stress 6 week , basically since last court hearing. Had 11 now and each one so drain bing. Still haven't got new date for trial. How do you stop the court hearings wiping you out? Emotionally I mean, tho it wiping me out financially too

[Gettingthere]

Financial trial was supposed to start this week. He's still not provided all of the info requested of him, surprise, surprise. Per trial hearing was on new yrs eve... .  he didn't turn up, he's gone on a 2 week hoiday to his country of origin! That would be the 6 th foreign holiday since we separated 18 month ago, and he still maintains he can't pay child maintenance and wants spousal maintenance from me 

The limited info  he has provided sol says she has reasonable grounds for reporting him for money laundering.its unbelievable, we had top live such a frugal lifestyle ( aka control) and he had just under a quarter of million in his account without working!

I could go on and on. Bottom line,I never, ever knew the man, and that's just how he wanted it. I was just the nuisance he had to share the house with. Last supervised contact this w.end, then 2 of supported contact the unsupervised. Ds10 dreading it. He had first full blown panic attack a few week ago. Due to be seen by psyches end of jan

On new year eve I thought here comes my first full year without ex... .  then realised that was 2012! I just feel like all is still on hold waiting for it all to be over, althought I am divorced.

Have been off work with stress 6 week , basically since last court hearing. Had 11 now and each one so drain bing. Still haven't got new date for trial. How do you stop the court hearings wiping you out? Emotionally I mean, tho it wiping me out financially too

[Exonerated]

Hello Gettingthere,

I'm sorry you are having to endure this, and if there were a way to escape it I would wish that for you too.

Perhaps you could use some stress management training. During the Vietnam War, a stress training class went like this. They gave me a list of work assignments. It was explained to me that I must complete the work assignments to graduate the class. Then it was explained there were going to be three people in the room with me, and their job was to do everything possible to prevent me from doing the job. The adversaries were not permitted to restrain me, but they could do anything external to slow my progress. I would graduate, when I could complete the exercise in spite of the interference.

I tried this a couple of times and failed. The adversaries were quite good. One of them got a bucket of water and poured it right on to my head. I wasn't expecting it, and nearly drowned. They threw paper wads at me, pulled the plug on my electrical tools etc... .  

The third try, I completed the work list in the allotted time. To do this, I had to adopt the mindset that I could expect the worst from the adversaries. I also had to learn to work fast, and not allow distractions to cost much time. So after getting the bucket of water over the head, I just wiped my eyes and continued.

There are some training courses online. Most are academic in nature, and in practical application academic training doesn't really cut it. The stress-management learning needs to take place inside you, involving your ability to focus your mind in spite of interference.

Here is a link for an academic study

www.studygs.net/stress.htm

The lesson is mind over matter. Practice keeping your mind focused in spite of the interference, and tune out the emotion. Imagine how the test would have gone if the bucket of water made me angry enough to fight?

cheers,