From the archives part 1

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

One of the ways I cope is looking at older posts which have a very long shelf life when it comes to advice and perspective. Also, it can get menotonous which helps dull the pain. I'm going to quote a couple posts with some helpful insight. The first one I can't dind the author's name so my apologies and the second from DAS:

The first one:

Re: was i special?

« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2010, 11:45:18 AM »

Hi Crabby.

"Special" is an interesting term. It denotes a need for something specific. Like going to a prom, or a dance, a woman needs a "special" dress, that she will most likely not wear to anything but an occasion like that. So, there is a difference in what you ask, and what you are trying to get at.

We were all "special" to our disordered person at one time. Much like a prom dress, we addressed a specific need at a specific time. Because of the floating core values of a person with this disorder, the needs change quite drastically, and quite often. You addressed a specific need at the time, and now, you are not able to fill the need at hand, and someone else has become "special".

I assume you are asking if she ever loved you, and felt a bond with you. The answer to that is an overwhelming yes. Again, because of the nature of the disorder, her needs outgrew what you two had, and he went searching for something, or someone who could fill those specific needs at a specific time. This has nothing to do with you, and your abilities. It is not a reflection of you, or what you are capable of. We all are here because we filled a need at a specific time, and had our needs filled, then, the needs changed on their end, but didn't on ours.

The hardest part of this process is understanding the dynamics of this disorder, without personalizing them. Letting go of the outcome, and seeing that the problem doesn't lay within us, or anything we did, is very hard to do. Accepting that we were right for them, if only for a fleeting moment, doesn't necessarily mean that we will be together forever. It also doesnt mean that we were at fault.

Persons with BPD are very emotionally insecure, irresponsible, and have little control over what they think, do or say. They have a strong feeling of filling their immediate needs, rather than soothing themselves over the long run.

This was the second post:

Lloyd here is something I wrote about 2 months in.

 Just a few things that I have learned in the past months.  Please feel free to add to the list.

1.   WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?  “I want this person out of my life!”  “There is just something wrong here!”  “My God I miss this person?”  “Why am I seriously even considering giving this person another chance?”  “I’m starting to wonder if I am crazy?”  

THIS IS NORMAL!  Know it… accept it and PLAN FOR IT!  Your tie to this person was based on unhealthy foundations… their push/pull abuse of you has made your emotions susceptible and off kiltered.  This relationship would hit first base… then edge towards second base, then slam back to first, then back to second, reset to first then edged just past second again, then all the way back to first base again.  A normal relationship would slowly but progressively evolve and would have eventually settled into the comfortable routine of “relaxed.”   Yours was constant on edge drama.  Remember that part of the draw is the old, “I want them so bad because I can’t seem to have them.”   You will love them, hate them, miss them, hate them, forgive them (you will wonder if you are crazy as well).  Nope all is normal.

2.  I JUST WANT CLARITY AND CLOSURE:   You won’t get it… PERIOD!  It sucks, it’s wrong, it’s shouldn’t be.  But you simply WILL NOT GET IT.  When you finally accept that fact… you will find YOUR OWN closure which is what you REALLY need and is all that really matters anyways.

3.  LIES, LIES, LIES:  Chances are that if their lips are moving they are lying.  If not blatant lies… then half truths which are often more damaging.  One of the things that I had to come to understand (which actually was comforting somehow) was that many of these people “disassociate”.  In other words, they really believe this is the way it happened.  In their mind they are really not lying.  Remember that 90lb fish you caught 10 years ago?  Well it probably was only 25lbs but over the years the story grew and no one seemed to question your story.  Consider the concept that this process happens in a matter of days in their minds.  Take comfort in the fact that (somehow) in their mind, they are not lying to you.  These are the facts as they remember them.  It may be their version of facts… but it is not truth.

4.  THE TEXTS/EMAILS/MESSAGES:  

Week 1: They write, "You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!”

Week 2:  “If YOU contact me, I will call the police!”

Week 3:  “Don’t ever contact me AGAIN!”

Week 4:  “MY GOD, What have I done?”

Week 5:  “You were the best thing that ever happened to me!”

Week 6:   “Please give me another chance!”

Week 7:   “You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!”

And the cycle begins again.  

The whole purpose of the texts/emails/messages is to simply get you to respond.  It doesn’t matter if you respond angry, happy, sad, whatever… as long as you respond!

5.  WANNA DRIVE A BPD CRAZY(IER)?  BE UNPREDICATBLE!  Hate to confess it, but my ex knows me better than I know me.  They know how we will respond, react, and think.   They made mental notes of every time we told them, “it really hurts me when you…... ” and be assured that those notes will be pulled out at this time.  It’s like you are playing chess, and they are always two moves ahead of you.   CHOOSE TO BE UNPREDICATBLE!  If you normally crawl into the house and sulk… take a trip somewhere (and in the least be perceived as having a good time!)  If you normally call and want to talk… don’t call!  If you normally answer emails…. Don’t answer or wait as long as possible.   Be unpredictable and it is amazing the way you will see who they are with clarity.’

6.  CONFUSION:   Every time I would give in and respond seeking some sort of clarity (yes there is a reason everyone here speaks of NO CONTACT), I received replies that just made everything even MORE clouded and confusing.  It never became clearer… it became foggier!   Important points where avoided, red herrings where raised to redirect my attention, new facts were added (or deleted), and timelines just didn’t make sense!   You write a kind, simple 5 line email… only to be hit with a 3 page attacking response!  Their best defense seems to be an offence!  If you must  write… keep it simple and short.  :)O NOT go down the rabbit holes they introduce (Well my friends and counselor say that you are abusive to me!)  Bullsht!  Keep asking yourself how a normal person would be playing this out.  This is not normal.  Keep this as a clear cut answer to yourself when everything gets really convoluted.

7.  REVERSE GUILT:  “I guess you never loved me!”  “I guess I wasn’t good enough for you.”  “I guess you have moved onto someone new!”    The whole point is to get you to answer (+10 points!) and if possible to answer negating the claim (+25 points!)  “Of course I loved you… still do!”  “No you were always good enough for me!”  “No I have not moved on!”

8.  PROJECTION:  Real simple… you want to have an idea of what they have been up to… listen to what they accuse you of!

9.  AM I BROKEN?    OK it is possible that I was naïve and that’s how I got into this… but what’s wrong with me that I stayed?  Grace yourself.  You got into this because you probably have compassionate and gracious attitudes.  Sure you probably have a tendency to be a ‘fixer”, and likely you have weak personal borders… but you were hand picked because of all of these qualities...  They are strengths in your character… but our strengths are also our weaknesses.  Remember at the beginning you put up with it... because the first crisises were only a few days long (normal to have some glitches in relationships right?)  But as they progressed they moved from days to weeks to months.  Had you known you wouldn’t be here… but you didn’t.  Forgive yourself.

10.  PLEASE COME BACK!  Realize that there are many (if not disturbing) reasons that they want you back.  

        •  They are feeling a HUGE void now.

        •   They need sex.

        •   It’s easier to bring back a partner that has been conditioned than to recondition a new one.

        •   If you dumped them, they want you back so that they can dump you (Narcissism)

        •   I have lost control and need to be in control again.

        •   Because you always did before!

        •   Because they know YOU are terrified of a future without direction.

        •   I’m not done playing with your head and I subconsciously or consciously get off on this. (sadism ie anti-social behavior)

11.  ME ME ME!  Read their words as a whole.  Note how many of your Ex’s thoughts revolve around “ME or I”  Are they speaking at all of  “YOU” little lone “US?”  That’s because it’s NOT about YOU or US… it’s about your EX, “me.”  They need their drug (emotional validation) and YOU are my source.

12.  GOING BACK MEANS THE BAR GETS LOWER!  ABUSE 101: You put up with this… and now this is normal.  It will NOT get better… in fact it will get worse and you allowed and enabled it.  “You may come back, but you are to stop bringing up the past.”  “You are to quit questioning my infidelities.”  “You will even apologize for ME dumping YOU” (if possible.)  The Bar is lowered every time… how low are you prepared to go with your standards?  You may not know… but your EX does!  Remember you are dealing with an addiction… YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THEM!  :)o not let cravings for your addiction drive you further into a dangerous addiction.

13.  TWO STEPS FORWARD ONE STEP BACK… THREE STEPS BACK… ONE STEP FORWARD…    I am willing bet my house that YOU WILL hear from your EX again.   It may take a few weeks or months but you WILL hear from your EX again.  Part of the cycle is to make you FEEL like you will NEVER hear from them again (especially if they have jumped immediately into another relationship) but I guarantee that YOU WILL hear from them again.  If only to gauge your availability and receptivity.  :)o not get caught in the quagmire of “I will never hear from them again.”  This only makes you desperate to NEED to hear from them again.  When you are not hearing from them… paddle!  Paddle as fast as you’re able to get ahead of theses rapids.  You will need the perspective for when they WILL get in touch with you.  (NOTE:  It’s actually easier to deal with the times they hate you than when they are in love and missing you.  The first will help you to move forward, the latter will suck you back in!)

14.  IT JUST TAKES TIME:  If one more person tells me, “Time heals all wounds” I’m going to smack them.  I hate that line… HATE IT!  Unfortunately it’s true.  Time will eventually fix this.  I would venture that the ill feeling in your stomach will take about a month for every year together.  Falling OUT of love will take longer… forgetting them probably won’t ever happen.  Yet you will get better and hopefully move on.  Buy time… in the littlest of chunks at the beginning and then more later on (ok what do I need to do to get through today, the weekend, the week?)   Here's a silly piece of practical advice… go buy one of those beautiful orchid plants that they sell at the supermarket.  One that is just about to bloom.  These flowers actually bloom for weeks if not months.  Put the orchid in your window and say to yourself, “I will be over this when the last bloom fades.”  This may take months, but the orchid will be a kind of measuring stick for you (OK only 3 more bloom to go!)

15.  IF MY EX’S FRIENDS ONLY KNEW:   Don’t assume your Ex’s friends will see what you see.  They see what your EX allows them to see.   Personality Disorders only affect those that are close and intimate with the person.  Most of their other relationships are superficial at best.   DO NOT CONTACT THEM.  Your EX has already slandered you in their eyes.  You are stressed, you are maxed and you are probably irrational.  It’s a good bet that you will only end up looking like the crazy one.

16.  THE COVERT RE-ENGAGEMENT:  I have since learned that my EX’s EX received HUNDREDS of phone calls during our 3 years together, as though his phone was called by accident.  You know the kind… the phone call where you can hear them walking down the street, or having fun, or out with a new person, as though their phone called you by accident?   How about the accidental meeting at the grocery store, or church etc.  These are not by accident… it is a covert attempt to keep your EX on your radar.

17.  QUESTIONING YOURSELF:  The EX writes, “Well if that’s what you need to believe in order to move on from me… so be it.”  FOG FOG FOG!  You know the truth already… but they NEED you to question yourself.  When someone tells you that all of their EX”s where crazy… that IS a red flag.  Your EX needs you to question yourself.  They need you to be crazy (they are telling everyone else that anyways.)  When in doubt, ask one of your friends to interpret a situation for you…  they will give you the clarity that something is definitely wrong… and after hearing your ongoing stories for 3 months, they will assure you that your EX is crazy!

18.  JUST GET IN FRONT OF ME:  I have concluded that the goal, once they realize that they are at serious risk of finally losing you… is not to first and foremost to get you back, but simply to get you in front of them.  They know that if we sit across the table from them, we are at serious risk of caving.  They will try anything; make the emails so convoluted that a face to face seems helpful, show up at your home to pick up their favored t-shirt or bump into you unexpectedly on the street.   The goal is the same… STEP ONE: Get you in front of them, face to face.

19.  I LOVE 'EM BUT I CAN'T LIVE WITH 'EM:  You are racked with hurt and pain.  You are communicating in anger and frustration.  You are desperately wanting to understand but nothing makes sense.  You are trying to boil this down to a small pill that can somehow be swallowed.  Try this one.  I DO LOVE MY EX... .BUT I JUST CANNOT MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK!  Somehow it is liberating to realize that the hurt, pain, anger and frustration is rooted in your Love.  And since you will never make sense of it... .you come to realize that you don't have to... .you just have to realize that you simply cannot make this relationship work.  Sounds overly simplistic... .but it actually can become something that makes sense in the midst of all of this confusion.  

[Shell shock]

One of the ways I cope is looking at older posts which have a very long shelf life when it comes to advice and perspective. Also, it can get menotonous which helps dull the pain. I'm going to quote a couple posts with some helpful insight. The first one I can't dind the author's name so my apologies and the second from DAS:

The first one:

Re: was i special?

« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2010, 11:45:18 AM »

Hi Crabby.

"Special" is an interesting term. It denotes a need for something specific. Like going to a prom, or a dance, a woman needs a "special" dress, that she will most likely not wear to anything but an occasion like that. So, there is a difference in what you ask, and what you are trying to get at.

We were all "special" to our disordered person at one time. Much like a prom dress, we addressed a specific need at a specific time. Because of the floating core values of a person with this disorder, the needs change quite drastically, and quite often. You addressed a specific need at the time, and now, you are not able to fill the need at hand, and someone else has become "special".

I assume you are asking if she ever loved you, and felt a bond with you. The answer to that is an overwhelming yes. Again, because of the nature of the disorder, her needs outgrew what you two had, and he went searching for something, or someone who could fill those specific needs at a specific time. This has nothing to do with you, and your abilities. It is not a reflection of you, or what you are capable of. We all are here because we filled a need at a specific time, and had our needs filled, then, the needs changed on their end, but didn't on ours.

The hardest part of this process is understanding the dynamics of this disorder, without personalizing them. Letting go of the outcome, and seeing that the problem doesn't lay within us, or anything we did, is very hard to do. Accepting that we were right for them, if only for a fleeting moment, doesn't necessarily mean that we will be together forever. It also doesnt mean that we were at fault.

Persons with BPD are very emotionally insecure, irresponsible, and have little control over what they think, do or say. They have a strong feeling of filling their immediate needs, rather than soothing themselves over the long run.

This was the second post:

Lloyd here is something I wrote about 2 months in.

 Just a few things that I have learned in the past months.  Please feel free to add to the list.

1.   WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?  “I want this person out of my life!”  “There is just something wrong here!”  “My God I miss this person?”  “Why am I seriously even considering giving this person another chance?”  “I’m starting to wonder if I am crazy?”  

THIS IS NORMAL!  Know it… accept it and PLAN FOR IT!  Your tie to this person was based on unhealthy foundations… their push/pull abuse of you has made your emotions susceptible and off kiltered.  This relationship would hit first base… then edge towards second base, then slam back to first, then back to second, reset to first then edged just past second again, then all the way back to first base again.  A normal relationship would slowly but progressively evolve and would have eventually settled into the comfortable routine of “relaxed.”   Yours was constant on edge drama.  Remember that part of the draw is the old, “I want them so bad because I can’t seem to have them.”   You will love them, hate them, miss them, hate them, forgive them (you will wonder if you are crazy as well).  Nope all is normal.

2.  I JUST WANT CLARITY AND CLOSURE:   You won’t get it… PERIOD!  It sucks, it’s wrong, it’s shouldn’t be.  But you simply WILL NOT GET IT.  When you finally accept that fact… you will find YOUR OWN closure which is what you REALLY need and is all that really matters anyways.

3.  LIES, LIES, LIES:  Chances are that if their lips are moving they are lying.  If not blatant lies… then half truths which are often more damaging.  One of the things that I had to come to understand (which actually was comforting somehow) was that many of these people “disassociate”.  In other words, they really believe this is the way it happened.  In their mind they are really not lying.  Remember that 90lb fish you caught 10 years ago?  Well it probably was only 25lbs but over the years the story grew and no one seemed to question your story.  Consider the concept that this process happens in a matter of days in their minds.  Take comfort in the fact that (somehow) in their mind, they are not lying to you.  These are the facts as they remember them.  It may be their version of facts… but it is not truth.

4.  THE TEXTS/EMAILS/MESSAGES:  

Week 1: They write, "You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!”

Week 2:  “If YOU contact me, I will call the police!”

Week 3:  “Don’t ever contact me AGAIN!”

Week 4:  “MY GOD, What have I done?”

Week 5:  “You were the best thing that ever happened to me!”

Week 6:   “Please give me another chance!”

Week 7:   “You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!”

And the cycle begins again.  

The whole purpose of the texts/emails/messages is to simply get you to respond.  It doesn’t matter if you respond angry, happy, sad, whatever… as long as you respond!

5.  WANNA DRIVE A BPD CRAZY(IER)?  BE UNPREDICATBLE!  Hate to confess it, but my ex knows me better than I know me.  They know how we will respond, react, and think.   They made mental notes of every time we told them, “it really hurts me when you…... ” and be assured that those notes will be pulled out at this time.  It’s like you are playing chess, and they are always two moves ahead of you.   CHOOSE TO BE UNPREDICATBLE!  If you normally crawl into the house and sulk… take a trip somewhere (and in the least be perceived as having a good time!)  If you normally call and want to talk… don’t call!  If you normally answer emails…. Don’t answer or wait as long as possible.   Be unpredictable and it is amazing the way you will see who they are with clarity.’

6.  CONFUSION:   Every time I would give in and respond seeking some sort of clarity (yes there is a reason everyone here speaks of NO CONTACT), I received replies that just made everything even MORE clouded and confusing.  It never became clearer… it became foggier!   Important points where avoided, red herrings where raised to redirect my attention, new facts were added (or deleted), and timelines just didn’t make sense!   You write a kind, simple 5 line email… only to be hit with a 3 page attacking response!  Their best defense seems to be an offence!  If you must  write… keep it simple and short.  :)O NOT go down the rabbit holes they introduce (Well my friends and counselor say that you are abusive to me!)  Bullsht!  Keep asking yourself how a normal person would be playing this out.  This is not normal.  Keep this as a clear cut answer to yourself when everything gets really convoluted.

7.  REVERSE GUILT:  “I guess you never loved me!”  “I guess I wasn’t good enough for you.”  “I guess you have moved onto someone new!”    The whole point is to get you to answer (+10 points!) and if possible to answer negating the claim (+25 points!)  “Of course I loved you… still do!”  “No you were always good enough for me!”  “No I have not moved on!”

8.  PROJECTION:  Real simple… you want to have an idea of what they have been up to… listen to what they accuse you of!

9.  AM I BROKEN?    OK it is possible that I was naïve and that’s how I got into this… but what’s wrong with me that I stayed?  Grace yourself.  You got into this because you probably have compassionate and gracious attitudes.  Sure you probably have a tendency to be a ‘fixer”, and likely you have weak personal borders… but you were hand picked because of all of these qualities...  They are strengths in your character… but our strengths are also our weaknesses.  Remember at the beginning you put up with it... because the first crisises were only a few days long (normal to have some glitches in relationships right?)  But as they progressed they moved from days to weeks to months.  Had you known you wouldn’t be here… but you didn’t.  Forgive yourself.

10.  PLEASE COME BACK!  Realize that there are many (if not disturbing) reasons that they want you back.  

        •  They are feeling a HUGE void now.

        •   They need sex.

        •   It’s easier to bring back a partner that has been conditioned than to recondition a new one.

        •   If you dumped them, they want you back so that they can dump you (Narcissism)

        •   I have lost control and need to be in control again.

        •   Because you always did before!

        •   Because they know YOU are terrified of a future without direction.

        •   I’m not done playing with your head and I subconsciously or consciously get off on this. (sadism ie anti-social behavior)

11.  ME ME ME!  Read their words as a whole.  Note how many of your Ex’s thoughts revolve around “ME or I”  Are they speaking at all of  “YOU” little lone “US?”  That’s because it’s NOT about YOU or US… it’s about your EX, “me.”  They need their drug (emotional validation) and YOU are my source.

12.  GOING BACK MEANS THE BAR GETS LOWER!  ABUSE 101: You put up with this… and now this is normal.  It will NOT get better… in fact it will get worse and you allowed and enabled it.  “You may come back, but you are to stop bringing up the past.”  “You are to quit questioning my infidelities.”  “You will even apologize for ME dumping YOU” (if possible.)  The Bar is lowered every time… how low are you prepared to go with your standards?  You may not know… but your EX does!  Remember you are dealing with an addiction… YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THEM!  :)o not let cravings for your addiction drive you further into a dangerous addiction.

13.  TWO STEPS FORWARD ONE STEP BACK… THREE STEPS BACK… ONE STEP FORWARD…    I am willing bet my house that YOU WILL hear from your EX again.   It may take a few weeks or months but you WILL hear from your EX again.  Part of the cycle is to make you FEEL like you will NEVER hear from them again (especially if they have jumped immediately into another relationship) but I guarantee that YOU WILL hear from them again.  If only to gauge your availability and receptivity.  :)o not get caught in the quagmire of “I will never hear from them again.”  This only makes you desperate to NEED to hear from them again.  When you are not hearing from them… paddle!  Paddle as fast as you’re able to get ahead of theses rapids.  You will need the perspective for when they WILL get in touch with you.  (NOTE:  It’s actually easier to deal with the times they hate you than when they are in love and missing you.  The first will help you to move forward, the latter will suck you back in!)

14.  IT JUST TAKES TIME:  If one more person tells me, “Time heals all wounds” I’m going to smack them.  I hate that line… HATE IT!  Unfortunately it’s true.  Time will eventually fix this.  I would venture that the ill feeling in your stomach will take about a month for every year together.  Falling OUT of love will take longer… forgetting them probably won’t ever happen.  Yet you will get better and hopefully move on.  Buy time… in the littlest of chunks at the beginning and then more later on (ok what do I need to do to get through today, the weekend, the week?)   Here's a silly piece of practical advice… go buy one of those beautiful orchid plants that they sell at the supermarket.  One that is just about to bloom.  These flowers actually bloom for weeks if not months.  Put the orchid in your window and say to yourself, “I will be over this when the last bloom fades.”  This may take months, but the orchid will be a kind of measuring stick for you (OK only 3 more bloom to go!)

15.  IF MY EX’S FRIENDS ONLY KNEW:   Don’t assume your Ex’s friends will see what you see.  They see what your EX allows them to see.   Personality Disorders only affect those that are close and intimate with the person.  Most of their other relationships are superficial at best.   DO NOT CONTACT THEM.  Your EX has already slandered you in their eyes.  You are stressed, you are maxed and you are probably irrational.  It’s a good bet that you will only end up looking like the crazy one.

16.  THE COVERT RE-ENGAGEMENT:  I have since learned that my EX’s EX received HUNDREDS of phone calls during our 3 years together, as though his phone was called by accident.  You know the kind… the phone call where you can hear them walking down the street, or having fun, or out with a new person, as though their phone called you by accident?   How about the accidental meeting at the grocery store, or church etc.  These are not by accident… it is a covert attempt to keep your EX on your radar.

17.  QUESTIONING YOURSELF:  The EX writes, “Well if that’s what you need to believe in order to move on from me… so be it.”  FOG FOG FOG!  You know the truth already… but they NEED you to question yourself.  When someone tells you that all of their EX”s where crazy… that IS a red flag.  Your EX needs you to question yourself.  They need you to be crazy (they are telling everyone else that anyways.)  When in doubt, ask one of your friends to interpret a situation for you…  they will give you the clarity that something is definitely wrong… and after hearing your ongoing stories for 3 months, they will assure you that your EX is crazy!

18.  JUST GET IN FRONT OF ME:  I have concluded that the goal, once they realize that they are at serious risk of finally losing you… is not to first and foremost to get you back, but simply to get you in front of them.  They know that if we sit across the table from them, we are at serious risk of caving.  They will try anything; make the emails so convoluted that a face to face seems helpful, show up at your home to pick up their favored t-shirt or bump into you unexpectedly on the street.   The goal is the same… STEP ONE: Get you in front of them, face to face.

19.  I LOVE 'EM BUT I CAN'T LIVE WITH 'EM:  You are racked with hurt and pain.  You are communicating in anger and frustration.  You are desperately wanting to understand but nothing makes sense.  You are trying to boil this down to a small pill that can somehow be swallowed.  Try this one.  I DO LOVE MY EX... .BUT I JUST CANNOT MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK!  Somehow it is liberating to realize that the hurt, pain, anger and frustration is rooted in your Love.  And since you will never make sense of it... .you come to realize that you don't have to... .you just have to realize that you simply cannot make this relationship work.  Sounds overly simplistic... .but it actually can become something that makes sense in the midst of all of this confusion.  

[Fluff]

That was really good! When will part 2 be released? =)

[tinkerbellsmom]

I seems to be a similar process disconnecting from my daughter too!  It amazes me how universal some of the symptoms really are.  I thought I was the only one.

[willtimeheal]

Thank you for this. I needed it.

[Zpinal]

WOW you made my day. thanks for posting that, I am too lazy to look old posts up, glad you are doing it for us!

[Penumbra66]

Thank you for this. I have read through these twice already. I will add these to my archive. A wonderful find.

[Blimblam]

Thanks shell shock those are some gems

[ciel]

Thank you... .lots of good insights here, which are so helpful right now.  Even if I'd never, ever want to get back together, there is a part of me that is so distressed at my stb ex uBPD's anguish and horror at the thought of being without a woman to take care of his emotional needs.  It really is like an addiction... .

[Shell shock]

I'll keep looking for these pearls. They are such potent emotional crutches.