I sent her a page of insult

[Depression = 72% of members]

then decided to block her

I know she read it but didnt respond. I held myself back from going as far as Id wanted to, in this era its all logged. Its also ineffective, I conveyed a good enough point of mix of garbage for the garbage, without going over the topic.

why? I dont want arrested, I dont want it to be created a molehill into a mountain. I needed to say - some - of my piece and block her for good. the rest can be resolved via other ways, holistically, sports, therapy whatever.

its the first time in history ive had the real opportunity to put my deep unresolved hurt into some words and fire off a broadside, then I suppose, slink back into the darkness and let her burn down.

what can I say, British naval tactics are built in

I feel better for it, I do not fear the reprisals in fact I encourage them. if theres any issues from it ill deal with them robustly.

no one threatens me or my family or my house - bpd or not. I just gave some benefit of the doubt that she is a nut case, not 100% proof, but it deserves some mitigation.

she knows me enough to stay away after that message and after all i got accussed here from some "know it alls" that what I did by "ghosting" her was wrong.

SO HOPE YOUR HAPPY WITH THE REVISED VERSION

btw, you are the narcissists who seek to tell me how to do the "best" or better way.

I will do things my way.

[Cromwell]

then decided to block her

I know she read it but didnt respond. I held myself back from going as far as Id wanted to, in this era its all logged. Its also ineffective, I conveyed a good enough point of mix of garbage for the garbage, without going over the topic.

why? I dont want arrested, I dont want it to be created a molehill into a mountain. I needed to say - some - of my piece and block her for good. the rest can be resolved via other ways, holistically, sports, therapy whatever.

its the first time in history ive had the real opportunity to put my deep unresolved hurt into some words and fire off a broadside, then I suppose, slink back into the darkness and let her burn down.

what can I say, British naval tactics are built in

I feel better for it, I do not fear the reprisals in fact I encourage them. if theres any issues from it ill deal with them robustly.

no one threatens me or my family or my house - bpd or not. I just gave some benefit of the doubt that she is a nut case, not 100% proof, but it deserves some mitigation.

she knows me enough to stay away after that message and after all i got accussed here from some "know it alls" that what I did by "ghosting" her was wrong.

SO HOPE YOUR HAPPY WITH THE REVISED VERSION

btw, you are the narcissists who seek to tell me how to do the "best" or better way.

I will do things my way.

[Cromwell]

6 years of my life feeling self hatred for living and then they reinvent themselves as if I was just a playing.

Thats my life I could have had joy instead depression. And the mockery and laughter that went with it. I loved a serpent. Look at their forums they bloat about it. She bettrr not meet me again on the wrong day forget the victim rescuer triangle. When i fix and clean ship I do it well.no pity identity no 'hrs the bad man' not that id care.

Justice is my own, i have zero madder but myself, the brahma the god head. What is crafted otherwise is social agents of control and alot of embellished garnish from what is primal basics ive been wronged abused and hurt and modern civilization doesn't care. Modern civilization is barbarism. 6 years of the pain of it. A non cruel option would be to throw a spear at the source of abuse and club the other other bastard. We have de evolved. Never mind their facade or mine, it exists over time as layers across all branches and organisations of society. Not for put Dale but to remain stability for the arena of productivity. For this i must internalise and accept my pain.

Dont forget that psychology originated in finding ways to improve production and quell class conflict.

There is no love for my plight besides talk to the wall and pay the others porsche finance payments or mortgage.

If it wasn't for those herein that heartbroken state I hope to ease until teng get on their feet id be out of here ages ago. And no i dont speak bravado id put a breeze block thought and a jar they the best surgeon in world couldn't reattach properly.

I hope that bitch not cancer {its mostly curable} hope she gets prion disease from her fast food crap then collapses heart attack with CJD. Hope the coke mottled her into an irreversible psychosis.

And its A small town im going out again clubbing and drinking if she had a brain cell she will know to PLEASE READ of fast

Im half Irish half German. We never forget we always fight back. I called her the untermenschen, too dumb to even know what it meant/who she is. A deplorable worst cunt anyone could ever have imagined in their worst nightmare. A freak of nature I can't think anything more nice to say

[Cromwell]

6 years of my life feeling self hatred for living and then they reinvent themselves as if I was just a playing.

Thats my life I could have had joy instead depression. And the mockery and laughter that went with it. I loved a serpent. Look at their forums they bloat about it. She bettrr not meet me again on the wrong day forget the victim rescuer triangle. When i fix and clean ship I do it well.no pity identity no 'hrs the bad man' not that id care.

Justice is my own, i have zero madder but myself, the brahma the god head. What is crafted otherwise is social agents of control and alot of embellished garnish from what is primal basics ive been wronged abused and hurt and modern civilization doesn't care. Modern civilization is barbarism. 6 years of the pain of it. A non cruel option would be to throw a spear at the source of abuse and club the other other bastard. We have de evolved. Never mind their facade or mine, it exists over time as layers across all branches and organisations of society. Not for put Dale but to remain stability for the arena of productivity. For this i must internalise and accept my pain.

Dont forget that psychology originated in finding ways to improve production and quell class conflict.

There is no love for my plight besides talk to the wall and pay the others porsche finance payments or mortgage.

If it wasn't for those herein that heartbroken state I hope to ease until teng get on their feet id be out of here ages ago. And no i dont speak bravado id put a breeze block thought and a jar they the best surgeon in world couldn't reattach properly.

I hope that bitch not cancer {its mostly curable} hope she gets prion disease from her fast food crap then collapses heart attack with CJD. Hope the coke mottled her into an irreversible psychosis.

And its A small town im going out again clubbing and drinking if she had a brain cell she will know to FuK OFFPLEASE READ FAST

Im half Irish half German. We never forget we always fight back. I called her the untermenschen, too dumb to even know what it meant/who she is. A deplorable worst cunt anyone could ever have imagined in their worst nightmare. A freak of nature I can't think anything more nice to say

[Cromwell]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFM5UKYorFg

[Cromwell]

i unbloxked her again, let her respond (or not), im ready this time. ill show who has he worst most hideous personality disorder.

[once removed]

you mentioned that the two of you had been speaking again on facebook recently. did something happen that spurred all of this?

[Cromwell]

shes appearing on my "friend suggestions" page, her lopsided grin with the new guy and her dysfunctionals all commenting what a nice couple they are.


ok they are all equally dysfnuctional inbreds, it has still triggered me nonetheless.

I had to put something across, it was red cloth to a bull.

the coward wont respond, im partly greatful for it, because I wouldnt want to meet me on a bad day and she has seen a slice of if in the time together when ive came across others. im more moderate now, I have a professional career I wont jeapoardise, but she doesnt know that.

I just wish she will burn in hell, if there was a merciful god (there is none) id pray and submit myself as an enternal slave in return for that to happen.

[Cromwell]

i need a break, im keeping her unblocked as Skip once suggested.

actually he said "most people he recommends do, but in my case no"

which is why I will unblock her

and its not "bravado" I dont talk that way, if I wanted to put a breeze blok through id do it without fear of repercussion. Its just not worth it, by now, im going to watch some films, play some video games and forget. I just cant stand her face on the internet but ill get used to it, and I gave her a volley back that she had a long time coming. before pandemic I used to eeach weekend enjoy nightclubs and bars and relax socialise and she became part of it despite previously being a flop-house transient. she took that over, I became more reclusive. things are going to change, Im going out again like I used to and if/when I See her, "what will be will be" as the saying goes. like I said ill cross that bridge im going to switch off now ive just been triggered to fk over her stomach churning selfie of her and her new mirror.

[once removed]

Cromwell, what happened?

[Anonym2806]

i need a break, im keeping her unblocked as Skip once suggested.

actually he said "most people he recommends do, but in my case no"

which is why I will unblock her

and its not "bravado" I dont talk that way, if I wanted to put a breeze blok through id do it without fear of repercussion. Its just not worth it, by now, im going to watch some films, play some video games and forget. I just cant stand her face on the internet but ill get used to it, and I gave her a volley back that she had a long time coming. before pandemic I used to eeach weekend enjoy nightclubs and bars and relax socialise and she became part of it despite previously being a flop-house transient. she took that over, I became more reclusive. things are going to change, Im going out again like I used to and if/when I See her, "what will be will be" as the saying goes. like I said ill cross that bridge im going to switch off now ive just been triggered to fk over her stomach churning selfie of her and her new mirror.

Hey mate,

I’m sorry you go through this.
they are all the same but as my friends say, they will threat the new supply in the same way.
Mine she posted a picture showing she’s on a relationship and they met 1 month ago. I saw them together the first week and she shown me to the guy. I ignored. And guess what? She unblocked me on imessage, maybe expecting a react from me.
You should do the same.
1 year with the devil and she never posted about us on social.
But what it comforts me, the guy she’s with is a heavy coke consumer and I bet she’s back in it.
But it never lasts.
I’m telling to myself the only reason she changed her mood with me it’s because I’ve never accepted the bad behaviors. She wanted to have sex with other guys (open relationship), she wanted to continue coke and I never had this (she said she was done with it but I figured out she wasn’t) .
So now, I have my bucket of popcorn and watching. It will be funny and ugly.
Just chill and watch now. Go out, meet new people, relax. She’s not your problem anymore. It took me time to come to this. Believe me it’s hard but look forward and meet someone who will value you. Not a bitch like I got.

[Cromwell]

Thank you I woke up after 60mg diaepam and hit the basketball court and forgot all about it. No message in response is a message mive made plenty friends its time to go out and small town not care when cross paths. I won't live in fear of a pathetic raafal ill take my drink and spill it over her. She knows to stay away. Bpd is not stupid they pick their battles, she only acted out to guys when i was there and i started to see. The pattern of being used as her Knight. Didn't work i dragged her away from my own embarrassment mostly and some puzzled looks on their faces.

It means alot im fine. I have to go easy for awhile on the drink and only in company of trusted friends

[Cromwell]

So i wrote all over her Facebook wall. She had it coming along time.

Garbage to heap on garbage

Not sure what the wizard professor behind the curtain thinks but ive not felt better in time memorial

[Cromwell]

For all the years of sleights, cryptic essay and skullduggery backstabbing. The minute you fire a simple lucid insult direct to them it's like hitting a wall of slime.

[Cromwell]

Wheres the comeback? Wheres the threats? Wheres the backbone. This was a bitch who said shdd kill me in my sleep

[Cromwell]

Can't even reply to a message. No laugh. No sarcasm no nothing.

I know why. 5 years gone and its a missile from 7 o clock long-forgotten flying over no fly zone.

Can these psychiatrists start upping their game and inform these creature that what they do fo podple is

1. NeVER forgotten
2. Some folk will let it slide and stomach it.
3. Individual differences module. Some WONT

Rather than hand holding 40mins anx let them me me me themselves ad nauseum

No you don't just abuse others {me} and ride your horse to sunset. Oh the others? Oh well shrug im better now

[Cromwell]

I need to block her. I know the advice is not to. But my stomach churns

Or is that the whole point

[Anonym2806]

I need to block her. I know the advice is not to. But my stomach churns

Or is that the whole point

Cool down bro. I’m sorry you go through this.
She doesn’t deserve your attention anymore.
Ignore and try to meet new people.
I would advise you to avoid alcohol at least for a few weeks.
You will feel better and be in a better place. Believe me.
Today I went boxing and it made me feel good and powerful and said to myself: I will never give any attention in any way to that bitch. Never again.
Try boxing mate.

[Cromwell]

I know your advice is good. I play soccer each week. I alternate strength training every other day. Its basketball in between. Im teetotal except for social drinks {and that's a danger for me} it lifts the lid.

Im glad you found a sport that works it does work but after years of it i leaned one thing, it is a coping it is not an underlying fixing the rotten foundation. Its definitely better than physically letting go, so good for you.

I will take your advice to relax its important too. I usually am mellow. When the anger hits it hits me hard. I need to be alone in a hall, the energy and stamina is less comparable to a cocaine hit {i know the difference intrinsically}

It's helped to hear from you im going to unwind a bit. Its a trigger it will pass. I hope you also lay your issues go rest, sounds like your onto a good thing. Thanks

[grumpydonut]

What has happened, Cromwell. It seems as though you've clicked a switch and have fallen to her level. I understand the empowerment that comes with telling them what you think of them, but all she is going to see is "haha, he still cares and I do not".

There's not a way to win, because you don't play by the same rules. Also, you've mentioned the possibility of physical violence about two or three times above. That's not the answer and you know it.

[B53]

Hey,

There is always a fitting song!

https://youtu.be/atBg9zLI2bA

Enjoy,
B

[SinisterComplex]

Crom, I've been paying attention of course, but my friend...holy PLEASE READ storm. What in the actual PLEASE READ happened? It seemed you were doing so well. I mean like real progress. Truly I hope more than anything this was just a moment and not something that sets you back. By all means though...vent as much as you need to. Get all the venom out amigo. If anyone truly understands that nuclear apocalypse kind of rage I certainly do and contrary to many others I actually prefer to embrace the rage and binge on it...I love to harness that energy and use it as an advantage by doing things that are constructive and refusing to give into weakness...I have what works for me, but you have to find what works for you. With that said pop your collar and brush that sh*t off. You are too smart and too good to be affected like this.

Cheers and best wishes amigo!

-SC-

[Sappho11]

Cool down bro. I’m sorry you go through this.
She doesn’t deserve your attention anymore.
Ignore and try to meet new people.
I would advise you to avoid alcohol at least for a few weeks.
You will feel better and be in a better place. Believe me.
Today I went boxing and it made me feel good and powerful and said to myself: I will never give any attention in any way to that bitch. Never again.
Try boxing mate.

Cromwell, you've already said it's not for you, and that's fine, but I'd like to second the boxing. Or better yet, full-contact martial arts. Judo, BJJ, Bujinkan... anything where you get close to people.

I agree that it sounds stupid or trivial – until you try it. A couple of years ago I was in a really bad place, no friends, no prospects, and taking up martial arts really helped dig myself out of a hole. It not only strengthens you physically and mentally. The fact that everyone is there in a spirit of learning gives you a feeling of a deeper connection with both a group of people as well as a higher purpose. And not least, the full-contact aspect provides you with lots of human touch (sometimes painful, but not always). When I joined, I hadn't been hugged by anyone in years. During the first grappling exercise, I nearly started crying, not because it hurt, but because I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be touched by another human being. We are hard-wired to be social animals and we suffer if we're deprived of close interaction.

Here's an interesting article: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/hands_on_research

Who knows, might be worth a shot.

[Skip]

I need to block her. I know the advice is not to. But my stomach churns

Or is that the whole point

Are you OK? Your writing style has changed.

Blocking an ex on Facebook makes a lot of sense and taking her off you bank account, and getting your garage door opener is an important part of ending and moving on. We don't want the ex to to access to your intimate parts of our life anymore. Once and done (not on and off).

As for the casual access - we don't need to change phone numbers, move (except in stalking situations), or get plastic surgery. Instead of erecting barriers to our eyes and ears, we need to let go with out heart and mind. The latter is far more powerful.

It can take time to do, but that is how we free ourselves and end the torment. It is not time that heals us, but emotional growth. That same growth that heals us, also paves a path for us to go forward into a life of better relationships.

I've followed your story. You both have hurt each other over the years. I don't think doing so has been helpful - if anything, it is driving you deeper into your woundedness.

I know this message might feel more theory than reality, but there are many in the history hear who eventually discovered and thrived for this realization.

[Cromwell]

thanks all for asking, Im more than OK. last night I slept like a baby and woke up feeling more refreshed than I can remember. That letter to her did something (although at the same time im not necessarily encouraging anyone else to try the same), its just i did, it took many years of repressed emotion and put pen to paper with bullets instead of an ink cartridge.

will she dysregulate? will, as SC grumpy, not care, and so on. the speculations of what "she" thinks, or does. Its not a concern, like it has been an over-riding one. I did it, I did nothing wrong and i feel therapeutic enhanced.

I also take on board all the advice and tips that have helped to get to this stage, there is no "one cure fits all", this was a little controlled-explosion, think ww2 bomb discovered on beach - do you just leave it there and play around the outskirts? Maybe, but to quote sinatra.

"and in the end they wouldnt let me do it my way so I had to do it there way"

no wait i got that wrong it goes "and I did it my way"

it worked, at least for now, a heavy burden is gone like sappho describes a migraine, I dont have  a pressure band across the forehead because this cellular toxicity gets released.

she hasnt responded. her social media is semi locked up like a propaganda channel. mines is wide open. beneath the disorder is a whole unreported region of the brain that is unchartered but know. a personality with a associated disorder is built upon a substrate shared amongst us all, the primordial threat recognition system.

its not about getting the last word, its about drowning the rat so it never comes back to bite again. and that is what she was, sublimated beneath BPD. for the sake of a family forum I wont illustrate what she is, ill leave it be. Shes not worth the air time or the server space. Im grateful to have been listened to and allowed to find myself. if im angry, its because I am. if its an unusual form, its because I carried it way too long, there is nowt to apologise for as much as i would not chastise a patient screming the rooftops as their wound is prodded with a medical instrument to detect for nerve damage.

i here, whatever the decorum am a product of a hostile environment, there is nothing to dilute, water down or speak nice. Do I hate her and want a flower pot to fall on her head? Ive wished and prayed bad for others who have caused me harm, has anyone else and experienced it works? a bit anticlimax when they are 6 feet under and riddled with diseases, but hey, rather them than me and they fell by the wayside so it is written.

[Cromwell]

actually from what i just realised, it looks for whatever reason she probably didnt read a word i said. usually a little "picture" comes up. never mind, either way its better for it. Life goes on. Cest La vie.

[Cromwell]

i never quite put 2 and 2 together but this 2nd vaccine im wagering as a strong correlate. what do they put in this stuff, plutonium? I was fine the first time around. ill shrug it off its rancid and nauseating but nothing close to what ive not already learned to go through.

[Cromwell]

What has happened, Cromwell. It seems as though you've clicked a switch and have fallen to her level. I understand the empowerment that comes with telling them what you think of them, but all she is going to see is "haha, he still cares and I do not".

There's not a way to win, because you don't play by the same rules. Also, you've mentioned the possibility of physical violence about two or three times above. That's not the answer and you know it.

I dunno if she even read it or if she exists. Its been months and it's like her profile has went into hibernation. Shes done this before goes on a mania trip of submerging like a u boat only to appear 6 months later to the world.

I got my double vacinne certificate bylaw i can go back into the clubs again. I want to go out and enjoy q normal life with a drink and music and a dance but with this half a decade of unresolved ebss and flows. I don't trust myself that's the root of it.

Mind you i recall some members in the past worried the same and when it happened their ex made it easy and bolted exit stage left themselves.

Im in a swirl of thoughts grumpy and you seem with best of goodwill to improve my lot but can't. Join the others i guess of 'oh i went through so much pain but at least im not possibly violent like Cromwell.

Did it make you feel better?

[grumpydonut]

Did it make you feel better?

Did what make me feel better?

[Cromwell]

Did what make me feel better?

We can continue the discourse another day. Ive recuperated from whatever plutonium they put in these vacinnes

Thanks for helping ride another storm. Had a lovely day with lovely folk, im learning what the antidote to this poison is still a work in progress.
If you humoured my tantrums i admire that too.

and onwards we all go...

Take care

Crom