Detaching, but feeling sad for STBX

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

She texted me a few nights ago suggesting the "three of us"(her, my son, and myself) have dinner together. I respectfully declined by telling her I wasn't ready for that. I'm sure we'll end up doing that sometime between now and 1 years, 2 months, and 6 days until he turns 18. But now isn't the time. She said she wasn't ready for that either but thought I would like to spend time with our son. I had to get my car seat back from her that she borrowed. She asked me to meet her at McDonald's at 8am (so our son could get breakfast before school). She seemed taken aback when I arrived ten minutes late and told her I already ate. She took me up on me taking him in for breakfast and she went off to work.

I had him over the weekend and she texted me several times, once asking me to text her pictures of him while we were at the children's museum. I'm guessing she felt lonely, but I'm not going to bring her in like things are great between us by texting her real time photos just because she's lonely. I hate to take that stand but she got what she wanted when I left. I saw her yesterday when I brought my son back to her last night. She had the whole weekend to herself but still looked haggard and frail. She gave me an angry/disappointed look when she saw I hadn't washed some of his stuff. Didn't seem to matter that he'd gotten a bath and a good dinner.

She's on a dating site - I'm on it too but my picture isn't posted and I've actually been meeting some chicks offline which is kind of cool. Not rushing a relationship but it's nice to experience healthy interaction for the first time in almost five years. Only her eyes show in her cover photo and the look sad. I've caught this much of her caption - can't go any further without going into her profile and running the risk of being made;

I always like to find the silver lining in any situation. I find it is best to focus on the positive than dwell on the negative. I refuse to argue or fight. I prefer to negotiate and reach a compromise... .  

She's already jumping right into the conflicts of relationships. All a bunch of B.S. She never sees the silver lining in anything - she's normally suspicious of everyone. She's embedded in the negative. She does refuse to argue or fight; but only after she's run out of things to gaslight and project about; besides, devaluation is a so much more sensible option. She prefers to negotiate and compromise... .   as long as you're reasonable let her have her way, otherwise it's abuse.

I'm doing pretty good at detaching. I've taken up running, going to support groups, dating where I stay in touch with the good ones and don't feel the least bit guilty about ditching the incompatible ones. I still get irritated when she's rude to me no matter how diplomatic I am when scheduling the time sharing with our son. I do feel sad now that I've been able to step back and see her from a healthier perspective. Part of the reason I didn't want to go to dinner with her (other than avoiding a likely relapse) was that there's nothing going on in my life that she needs to know about, nothing I need to know about her. But I still look form the outside and see a very sad, angry, and lonely person. Someone who is still blaming me for these thing and refusing to do what she needs to do to move on and thrive. I feel just as much sadness over this as I do for the loss of what "might have (but really never)" would have been. My anger is pretty much gone. I can't be angry at this person who feels a total sense of abandonment and emptiness and doesn't have even the most basic skills to get out of this pattern or avoid it in the future if she does.

I know there's nothing I can do but to pray for her to become healthy and eventually move on to a happier life.

[lockedout]

She texted me a few nights ago suggesting the "three of us"(her, my son, and myself) have dinner together. I respectfully declined by telling her I wasn't ready for that. I'm sure we'll end up doing that sometime between now and 1 years, 2 months, and 6 days until he turns 18. But now isn't the time. She said she wasn't ready for that either but thought I would like to spend time with our son. I had to get my car seat back from her that she borrowed. She asked me to meet her at McDonald's at 8am (so our son could get breakfast before school). She seemed taken aback when I arrived ten minutes late and told her I already ate. She took me up on me taking him in for breakfast and she went off to work.

I had him over the weekend and she texted me several times, once asking me to text her pictures of him while we were at the children's museum. I'm guessing she felt lonely, but I'm not going to bring her in like things are great between us by texting her real time photos just because she's lonely. I hate to take that stand but she got what she wanted when I left. I saw her yesterday when I brought my son back to her last night. She had the whole weekend to herself but still looked haggard and frail. She gave me an angry/disappointed look when she saw I hadn't washed some of his stuff. Didn't seem to matter that he'd gotten a bath and a good dinner.

She's on a dating site - I'm on it too but my picture isn't posted and I've actually been meeting some chicks offline which is kind of cool. Not rushing a relationship but it's nice to experience healthy interaction for the first time in almost five years. Only her eyes show in her cover photo and the look sad. I've caught this much of her caption - can't go any further without going into her profile and running the risk of being made;

I always like to find the silver lining in any situation. I find it is best to focus on the positive than dwell on the negative. I refuse to argue or fight. I prefer to negotiate and reach a compromise... .  

She's already jumping right into the conflicts of relationships. All a bunch of B.S. She never sees the silver lining in anything - she's normally suspicious of everyone. She's embedded in the negative. She does refuse to argue or fight; but only after she's run out of things to gaslight and project about; besides, devaluation is a so much more sensible option. She prefers to negotiate and compromise... .   as long as you're reasonable let her have her way, otherwise it's abuse.

I'm doing pretty good at detaching. I've taken up running, going to support groups, dating where I stay in touch with the good ones and don't feel the least bit guilty about ditching the incompatible ones. I still get irritated when she's rude to me no matter how diplomatic I am when scheduling the time sharing with our son. I do feel sad now that I've been able to step back and see her from a healthier perspective. Part of the reason I didn't want to go to dinner with her (other than avoiding a likely relapse) was that there's nothing going on in my life that she needs to know about, nothing I need to know about her. But I still look form the outside and see a very sad, angry, and lonely person. Someone who is still blaming me for these thing and refusing to do what she needs to do to move on and thrive. I feel just as much sadness over this as I do for the loss of what "might have (but really never)" would have been. My anger is pretty much gone. I can't be angry at this person who feels a total sense of abandonment and emptiness and doesn't have even the most basic skills to get out of this pattern or avoid it in the future if she does.

I know there's nothing I can do but to pray for her to become healthy and eventually move on to a happier life.