Filing for disability due to C-PTSD

[Depression = 72% of members]

This is hard to talk about, but I’m really weighing it. I know that disability is in most cases granted to folks with physical ailments. The thing is, I’m not functioning well. I haven’t said it yet, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have a job. My employer allowed two weeks for Covid-19. I didn’t go back. Besides that, I didn’t want to. The thought of going back turns my stomach, literally.

I feel like I’m getting sicker the farther I go through this. I’m not doing very well. I feel like if I could just have some space for a while to really learn how to put myself together, that it would be a huge help. I need space that I never had. I’m sure of it. I’m not going to keep moving forward if I’m triggered all the damn time. I’m not trying to play victim here, I’m just seeing what I need. I need time off to gather myself and move into the simple life that I see for myself. That’s my goal. A simple and drama free life for the rest of my days.

The feelings are so strong and unpredictable. At times I’m not sure if I’m having a heart attack/cardiac arrest, or if it’s anxiety. Every time I go to the ER, they can’t find anything. I don’t have these episodes when I’m at home. I was supposed to be put on a heart monitor for a week before Covid. That all got canceled and I get it.

My feelings are continuing to get worse. I’m pretty sure that I’ve got them, but it’s really feeling like hell. Do any of you have experience with temporary disability when it comes to things like this?

[JNChell]

This is hard to talk about, but I’m really weighing it. I know that disability is in most cases granted to folks with physical ailments. The thing is, I’m not functioning well. I haven’t said it yet, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have a job. My employer allowed two weeks for Covid-19. I didn’t go back. Besides that, I didn’t want to. The thought of going back turns my stomach, literally.

I feel like I’m getting sicker the farther I go through this. I’m not doing very well. I feel like if I could just have some space for a while to really learn how to put myself together, that it would be a huge help. I need space that I never had. I’m sure of it. I’m not going to keep moving forward if I’m triggered all the damn time. I’m not trying to play victim here, I’m just seeing what I need. I need time off to gather myself and move into the simple life that I see for myself. That’s my goal. A simple and drama free life for the rest of my days.

The feelings are so strong and unpredictable. At times I’m not sure if I’m having a heart attack/cardiac arrest, or if it’s anxiety. Every time I go to the ER, they can’t find anything. I don’t have these episodes when I’m at home. I was supposed to be put on a heart monitor for a week before Covid. That all got canceled and I get it.

My feelings are continuing to get worse. I’m pretty sure that I’ve got them, but it’s really feeling like hell. Do any of you have experience with temporary disability when it comes to things like this?

[zachira]

You are determined to feel better and wondering what to do. There are many ways to do recovery from C-PTSD. In my experience, being able to process the uncomfortable feelings, moods, negative thoughts, etc., is something that at first may need to be done with a therapist. When I first began EMDR, I literally feel apart for days at a time after a session, and my therapist had to increase the length of my session to make sure I was put back together before I left. I think weekly sessions with a therapist who specializes in disassociation and focuses on disassociated body sensations, feelings, thoughts, memories, would likely help you. I don't think talk therapy would be that helpful for you, as you already know how to express your feelings quite well. The most innovative interventions for C-PTSD focus on bottom up processing (body sensations than feelings than thinking) versus talk therapy which can lead to endless venting without really feeling better. "The Body Keeps the Score" would be a good read to give yourself some ideas on all the different ways to process your overwhelming feelings and do therapy for C-PTSD. A good long term goal for you might be to be able to spend time each day doing things that keep you present and allow you to process what you are feeling in your body, heart and soul, and the accompanying thoughts at that time.
My heart goes out to you knowing how you want to heal and move forward, yet don't know what to do next. You will get there, and I know the impatience to have the peace we deserve can be so overwhelming at times that we just feel like we are losing our patience and want to go full throttle looking at all the pain. Part of my journey has been to learn how to not get so overwhelmed and to take my time peeling the onion which was overwhelming at times as I healed from one bad experience/memory than something else came along that was just as overwhelming. Right now I am feeling so ambivalent about the past and basically content in the present, which I know can happen to you. It just can be unbearable at times, yet you will someday be there, and will know you are living the kind of life you want to have.

[Butane]

I have experience in this...

I developed severe anxiety since 2016, from living with my spouse (dPTSD since 2016, uBPD traits worsening since then).

I experienced many relational traumas with my H as we were both highly emotional and reactive... lost home, fear of him and his erratic behaviors, emotional abuse, long off and on affair with many lies... I cried, just finished crying, or was about to cry, nearly every day for well over a year.

At one point I hit rock bottom. I could not imagine being able to recover if I had to spend my time at work, leaving no energy over for my recovery. 

So I took a 6 month leave of absence. My disability claim was approved and I got three months covered, out of the 6 month period.

I planned my recovery in stages and made a weekly plan of action. I listened almost non stop to therapeutic audio books on all the topics I needed help with. Starting with one on healing from betrayal. I also did tasks that forced me to Slow Down my brain (ex. painting trim!)

It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I've had some dark days since, but I'm much better equiped to deal with them. I now feel I am a competent leader of my family, which I need to be, given a H with ongoing issues, and 2 kids.

I also have a very good friend with cPTSD from growing up with a BPD/alcoholic mom. She was off for 1 year. Her life is so, so much better now.

I'd be happy to share more.       

[JNChell]

Hi, Butane. Please do share more. I talked to my best friend last night about this. I explained to him how I feel like I need space to re-parent myself. He understood and supports me. He and his family were a safe place for me to go as a kid.

I feel ashamed to say these things, but I don’t even keep my finances in order. I have no structure because I wasn’t taught it. On top of that, the severe abuse.

I am very open to know more about your experience with this and how it helped you. I’m sorry that we have to be here for these reasons. But very grateful.

[Butane]

Hi JNChell:

The finance aspect is important, obviously.

For my friend I mentioned, she had two bankruptcies in her life as she never learned how to save, plan, and manage personal finances. For me, the financial aspect was not relevant. I would have taken the 6 months off even if the insurance company had denied my claim. Actually, my claim got approved half way through my leave.

If you need the time a disability leave would allow to focus on healing, but are in a precarious financial position right now, then a leave needs to be planned. Otherwise the money stress could cause more problems than the leave would solve!

Do you have a disability insurance plan through work? Do you know what the coverage would be? Do you know the wait time?

         

[JNChell]

I basically quit my job. It’s hard to explain. Chalk it up to anxiety. Two weeks off for Covid, and I didn’t go back. My feelings debilitate me often. Don’t want to get out of bed, scared to go to work, etc. I’ve not always been like this. I’ve worked in sales and confidently played music in front of audiences. Things are much different now, obviously.

I am a bit worried about money, but I’m more worried about my feelings.

Did the time off require an attorney?

[Harri]

Hi JNChell.  I am sorry you are struggling so.

I am unsure if you are referring to SSDI as offered through the federal government or a disability insurance you pay a monthly premium to?

They are very different and have very different requirements for eligibility and what constitutes a disability.

Lets make sure we are talking about the same thing.  I get the sense you are referring to SSDI rather than the private disability insurance.  Is that right?

[JNChell]

Yes.

[Butane]

I don't know what SSDI is, as I an not in the US. I used my private disability insurance that I pay monthly premiums for, as a self employed contract worker. I was worried that my claim would be denied, but I had quite a lot of documentation from my doctor and a few therapists to support my claim. No lawyer needed, just the application and supporting documentation.

I suggest you do a few things to prepare:
1) learn about the process
2) think about the financial aspect, so that you will be able to afford housing and bills plus the cost of any therapies you will have.
3) make a loose plan for the major goals you have (ex. month 1, month 2). I spent a month cleaning, painting and organizing my home while filling my mind with audio books of therapeutic interest. I spent another month gardening / landscaping under the sun in nature because it made me feel happy.
4) think about making your environment supportive during the time off (ex. quit unpleasant obligations and anything that makes you feel crappy, but plan to join things that interest you or make you feel happy.
5) think about what you can do to make your life easier while you focus on healing. For me, one thing I did was stopped listening to the news. I became ill-informed about current events, but way less negatively impacted. I also started watching comedy movies and shows that made me laugh out loud, and stopped all media content that was not healthy (cop shows, dramas, reality TV).

Don't want to overwhelm you... good night.

[Hummingbird29]

You 1000% can file for disability, you just need documentation from your doctor of your illnesses, and you can qualify for SSDI/Medicare- it’s just a long process (speaking as someone with a disability, who had SSDI for a long time and was trained in the field). You can even request to get help through your state if you want to go back to school or get a job through your local vocational rehabilitation office, (even if you’re not on disability), by providing documentation. Just because you don’t have a physical illness doesn’t mean you don’t have a disability- there are all types: cognitive, social and emotional disabilities. You just need a diagnosis and proof of ongoing treatment. Knowledge is power and I have to congratulate you for empowering yourself and asking this question.

[Hummingbird29]

* and by long time I mean I can take up to 6 months to hear back from the government. You may even need to apply several times for SSDI. If you’re low income you could probably file for SSI, to get some assistance in paying bills and food stamps. But don’t give up on SSDI because it certainly sounds like you qualify.

[JNChell]

I’m not currently in treatment. To be honest, this place is much better than any therapist I’ve ever had. I’m having conversations about moving back in with my best friend. He’s been there for the long haul. A very good man. A true altruist. Today when we talked, he told me that he has no way of understanding what I’m feeling. I told him that I am very glad that he doesn’t. His family is good and structured. We’ve been friends for approximately 30 years.

Anyway, we’re trying to work out a plan where I still keep my place, but am able to spend time with him as well. Too much alone time isn’t feeling good lately.

I’ve heard that disability can be a long process. I’m just trying to find a way to grant myself some stress free space so that I can reparent myself, and move on.

[Butane]

It's wonderful that you have a good friend whose own life and family can be a reasonably good example for what you want to achieve. 

What another friend did, just occurred to me. This lady had been hit hard financially, and ended up moving in with a single friend, to recover her life while living on less income. The room mates house was her home too, for about 2 years.

In order to make the room mate situation work, she joined a really good full-service gym (pool, sauna, lounge, classes etc.). When her friend got home from work, she would head to the gym for a few hours, to let her friend unwind and have alone time. She saved a lot by not having her own place, and the money she put towards the expensive fitness club helped her get in shape and ensure they didn't spend every minute together.

The room mate situation was very successful, they are still friends!

[JNChell]

I really appreciate that. Thank you.

[JNChell]

https://youtu.be/MqJ3p3xkRes

https://youtu.be/7qkjbQBEhvg

[Harri]

SSDI is a long process.  I qualified after about 17 (14?) months for multiple physical issues.  I started the application process on my own but after about 3 months I got too anxious and got a disability lawyer.  I then got denied and then we appealed.  I had a hearing in October and then I did not receive any final decision until February.  It is my understanding that I was lucky and my application was processed fairly quickly.  It was a stressful and scary time.  I lived off my savings and even then had to borrow some money from my brother while waiting for my first check.

SSDI is not for short term disabilities:

Do any of you have experience with temporary disability when it comes to things like this?

 It is, as far as my understanding goes, for conditions that are not expected to resolve short term.  I was told disability is for conditions expected to last for years.

During the time you apply, you have no money coming in (they check).  You do not qualify for unemployment as you are not able to look for work.  To be considered unable to work means you can't do any job, not just the job you had.  There are people who cheat the system by working under the table or by having income coming in under a spouse or a business in a child's name etc, but they look for that too and besides, it is fraud and they will go after you.

As mentioned by Hummingbird, you have to have documentation of treatment, compliance with meds, etc.   You have to demonstrate that your condition makes it impossible for you to work in any job and for a long time.  Having a doctor who will support your claim and provide supporting documentation is key.  

You can google applying for disability for PTSD.  Complex PTSD is not in the DSM as it is not a 'real' diagnosis (yet).

Random thoughts:
~ SSDI is a huge decision and once you take that step to apply you are in for a long haul.  I saw it as a no-going back point.
~ After/if you qualify for SSDI, you have a 2 year waiting period before you can qualify for Medicare.
~ If you did not make much money when working, you may qualify for SSI and be able to get medicaid which in my opinion is a far better insurance to have when disabled.  Being disabled is expensive and SSDI is not really adequate without making huge changes in your life and spending habits.  Medicare, for me, involves high co-payments, co-insurances and some of the meds I am on are very expensive.  You need to consider all of this.  Hospitalizations are expensive.

There are a few threads on the son/daughter board regarding people who applied or tried to apply for SSDI for mental illness.  Do a search there and see what you learn.  Also you can do a google search on PTSD and SSDI.  There is a Blue Book they use that is online and you can look up your illness and the criteria needed.   Just because a condition is listed in the blue book does not mean you will get it.  

Obviously what I wrote above are generalities or specific to me.   I know someone who got disability in 3 months but they have cancer.  I know another who got it in 7 months for a chronic and progressive illness.  Anyone can apply for disability.  Not everyone qualifies.

[Longterm]

Hi JNChell.

I have no experience of disability in the US. Here in the UK we can get short term benefits for all kinds of things, the DR just gives you a sicknote.

What I will say is, if you feel like you need time out then take time out. The emotions and ups and downs can take their toll and it's important to look after yourself. It sounds like you are trying to centre yourself which is good self care. Looking after ourselves financially is also important. I also did not know how to manage money but taught myself by writing things down and organising bill payments, incoming/outgoings etc by setting reminders on my phone.

Whilst having the time off it may be a good idea to set yourself some goals to give you something to work towards. You can set monthly, weekly or even daily goals, this could help you avoid spiralling into a deep depression as you battle your demons.

LT.

[JNChell]

Harri, thank you for laying this out. I’ve always heard it was a drawn out process, and I understand why. Weak boundaries would allow a lot of people to take advantage of it.

I understand that your benefits are due to physical conditions. Did PTSD play any part? I guess I should go deeper and ask if PTSD contributed to your physical ailments? Was that considered in your judgment? A little deeper, you know your body. Do you personally think that the trauma may have been a catalyst for you not feeling well?

I ask because I have an irregular heartbeat. I’ve went to the ER 3 times over the past 8 years. Stress tests. X-rays. They couldn’t find anything wrong. It got bad enough that I thought I was having heart attacks. No pain, but a very fast heart beat, and not able to catch my breath.

I’ve also had some pain show up out of nowhere in my feet. It hurt bad enough that I couldn’t walk at times. Had it checked out, nothing found. I’ve read that trauma can resurface in these ways. The things that I have described aren’t always persistent. The heart murmurs are a bit annoying. But the sporadic pain goes beyond my feat. It comes and goes. Bessel Van Der Kolk describes things like this. If I remember correctly, the C-PTSD Workbook even describes welts and bruises showing up in adulthood while remembering.

Off on a tangent as always.

[JNChell]

Thank you, Longterm. I’m definitely trying to grant myself a little space and do something productive with it. I truly appreciate your advice.

[I Am Redeemed]

From what I know, filing temporary disability due to mental health issues requires a therapist that confirms your disability. It's a long process and you can have no income from employment while waiting for your decision.

[JNChell]

There is a huge disconnect there. I’m not speaking for myself, but does a person have to end up on the street to be recognized? The mental health system truly went down the tubes in this country. Again, I’m not trying to be a victim, but mental health is hugely ignored anymore. Emotional abuse isn’t even recognized by the courts as abuse. It’s ignored. The courts and the psychiatric community are very far from working together. It seems like they should collaborate much more than they do. The laws are black and white. I understand why, but what about situations where that doesn’t work?

I guess that I’m advocating for myself to no degree. I’m equal to my peers under the scope of the law. I just wonder how many people are out there struggling because of that scope. Because of legislation and moving the money around which had an adverse affect on real help for people suffering from mental health issues. Now prisons are overpopulated and privatized businesses. That’s scary. I’ll just stop there. I can tend to ramble.

[Harri]

Hi JNChell.  

I never even put PTSD on my application for SSDI.   It was not a factor in my physical issues which are related to a rare genetic syndrome and complications from surgeries on top of some really bad luck.  I can't say stress did not have an impact on me but it was secondary to any physical illness.  

Certainly keeping stress levels down and practicing mindfulness etc is important and helps but it is not like I would be fine physically if I did all of those things perfectly.  A retreat, a massage and soak in a tub isn't going to help me for example.  Yes, it is harder to manage my pain when I am not in a good place mentally but that alone is not sufficient for disability (not IMO anyway).   I began to really struggle with work in 2010 but continued to work until 2013 because i could even though that was all I could do and it was hard and hurt.   Add mental issues on top of that?  It is more difficult for sure.  Recently, I have been in a big slump for about 6 months at least, finally grieving the loss of my life as it once was.  Bitterness, depression and crying jags abound and yes, I have been more tired, more irritable and less forgiving all of which make my feel worse and make it harder to manage.  

I am not sure how SSDI works for mental illness and what the criteria are.  For me, something called a residual function form made a huge difference.  It outlines what i can do doing a normal work day.  Basically mine said that I needed too many breaks and had to lie down/sit down too often through the day to be able to obtain gainful employment.  Other things factored in too.  My lawyer told me that that form, filled out by my doctor, was the clincher in my case.  I think they have something similar for Mental illness as well.

The question is, do a few visits to the ER over 8 years and some occasional pain qualify you in addition to PTSD?  I don't know JNChell.  I do think you need to get back to therapy and see your doctor so you can follow through on your heart tests.    It is good self care and, if you do decide to apply for SSDI, they are going to want to see that you have done your part by seeking help and trying to get better.  Check that with what they say on the son/daughter board though and do your own research.

 

[JNChell]

Thank you, Harri.

[Harri]

JNChell, you can contact a disability lawyer and discuss your options and see if they would take your case.  Make sure they work on a contingency basis.  Generally they will not take your case if they don't think they can win.  It is worth a phone call at least.

Is there any way you can go back to your job?  I am just concerned about how you are going to manage financially with all of this.

[JNChell]

I’ve read a bit on disability and PTSD. I will look into talking with a lawyer. I filed for unemployment yesterday. Hopefully I’ll be approved. My best friend has my back and I’ve discussed things with him in depth. Like real depth. He knows everything.