Space?

[Carguy]

Hey guys, I'm back over here from the detaching board.

So my ex BPD and I broke up in November. We are still friends but the last little while when I have seen her in Walmart and stop to say hi she seems very uninterested even on a friend level. She's not cold for mean or rude. Just doesn't really interact much. I'm thinking that maybe I should stay away for awhile? Give her space? Last summer when we broke up and she was so angry at me I stayed away for two months and it helped a lot. When I seen her after 2 months and asked if we could talk she was willing as where before she was very cold and angry towards me. I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm engulfing her a little?

Another thought is maybe she is pulling away because I am not chasing? A month or so ago she would interact with me more when I would see her. When I would stop and say hi and then after a few minutes of chatting tell her that I'd see her later and leave, it almost seemed to me like she was kind of surprised that I wasn't going to stick around and visit some more or something.

Thoughts?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[rum2020]

Are you interested in getting back into a relationship with her? From my limited experience BPDs need consistency, and just being friends after a relationship may not really compute with their sense of reality. So I would say either be all in or all out. For both of your's sakes and sanity. Sometimes people mistake being polite versus being interested in more interaction or communication.

[Carguy]

To be honest I I'm not completely sure yet. There is a big part of me that wants her back but then there's my logical and fearful side that is scared of it ending in a disaster once again with me getting hurt again. We have recycled quite a few times over the last several years. It's truly an internal battle and I feel like I'm a mess at times.

Lately when I occasionally see her and stop and chat with her I feel like she is just being polite. It may be that I'm being oversensitive or that she is working (although in the past when we have been together I visited with her at work and it hasn't been a problem) but it seems like she's not really interested in chatting. Even her texts lately are just replies to me and they are very short and uninterested.

A few weeks ago she did text me out of the blue though and wanted my opinions on an old truck she was considering buying just for fun. And on Valentine's I left some flowers on her porch and the next day she text and thanked me and wanted to talk about something that happened in her life. I called and we talked on the phone. She told me that her nephew had been killed in a car wreck. She was pretty broken up about it. I guess she felt like she could come to me to talk about things like that but lately I feel like maybe I'm engulfing her even though it's only a few minutes I see her maybe once or twice a week if that.