My daughters 1st birthday is next week

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

so my daughters 1st birthday is next week and her daddy has been staying with his ex and i'm assuming he's gonna keep staying there for a while.i've been trying to ignore this and get on with my life so my question is... .i'm gonna have a party for my dd and was wondering do I tell him or just do it?

    If he even remembers her birthday, he won't ecknowledge it so doi  even bother with him and just have the party or shoot him a text letting him know time and date and put it on him to come home for it... .i'm afraid he'll think its just a ploy to get him home... .how confusing and sad

 

[mccarthyhome3]

so my daughters 1st birthday is next week and her daddy has been staying with his ex and i'm assuming he's gonna keep staying there for a while.i've been trying to ignore this and get on with my life so my question is... .i'm gonna have a party for my dd and was wondering do I tell him or just do it?

    If he even remembers her birthday, he won't ecknowledge it so doi  even bother with him and just have the party or shoot him a text letting him know time and date and put it on him to come home for it... .i'm afraid he'll think its just a ploy to get him home... .how confusing and sad

 

[Justadude]

It's painful, but I suggest doing your own bay party and let him do his thing. You are not obligated to invite him. He has his own time now with your child. Maybe in two years you can try the invitation method.

[mccarthyhome3]

Well we live with him in his house, he's been staying with his ex the past few nights and i'm sure that's not gonna stop just yet but he'll still come home for clothes or sleepif he has to work... .he does not and will not have alone time with his daughter as of now... .should have explained... .he split both of us about a month ago saying he can't be with me because he doesn't want our daughter and is no longer attracted to me because of our daughter and a bunch more excuses for his"confusion"... .the day before Christmas eve, he said he may want to see her but is still confused... .so this is all why i'm wondering about the party... .its his house:)

[Justadude]

Get the heck out of there.

[mccarthyhome3]

U just made me laugh... .thanks!i know I gotta go, but can't swing it at the moment... .plus he has kicked me out6 or 7 times in the past 3 1/2-4 years for a variety of reasons, none of which I understood and brought me Back that many times saying he only meant those things at the time, but didn't really m mean them, he just gets confused... .any ways i'm sick of moving to be honest with u... .he can stay with the ex for now:) but still don't know about the birthday

[Justadude]

Ok. I read this in a communication in a book. You see there were these two girls that were friends or something like that. One of the girls was going on vacation in Miami and some even though girl one didn't want girl two to go with, girl two was under the impression she was. I don't recall exact details. Well, since girl one didn't want her to come she over pretended to be excited about her going, she over did it to the point where girl two didn't go and the problem was solved. I forget the communication tactic tip name.

Ideally what you can do is be excited plan the birthday party as normal and be your genuine happy self for you and your child.  Going along with this act over excited and invite him. Say its going to be great. Shes going to have a good time, fill in verbs here. Keep him informed, nudge him with positive enforcemen. If he is as uninterested as you describe he won't come and if he does cool for your child. Now if he can't control himself emotionally well, we know you are in a bad volatile spot don't we?

[BentNotBroken]

I planned and threw a separate Birthday party for my son. BPDexGf invited me to the one she had planned and then sent a nasty email full of false accusations telling me "her family" did not want me to attend. She cc'd her mother and atty.

I set up a mobile b-day party for my son, loaded all of the supplies in my truck and when I picked him up I invited her to attend. After she stalled and delayed for over an hour attempting to make us miss his own party, she finally let us leave. We had a great time and neither one of us missed her in the least.

Invite him anyway. No guilt trips, no head games. Just a simple invitation. For my BPDex, it was more important to be in control of everything than it was to attend her own son's first birthday party.