My hwuBPD created and recorded a derogatory song about me…

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My husband with untreated BPD was out of control today.  He got angry with me because I expressed a desire for him to drive me places sometimes because I’m a city gal in my 70’s,  (he’s still in his 60’s), I don’t drive, it’s OUR car, and public transportation is getting harder and harder on my knees. And I don’t move around as quickly as I once did, so it's hard navigating the crowds.   He became very angry, while also making mean little jokes about me.

He started singing a silly song into his iPad, about how he was above public transportation but it should be good enough for me.  And he was singing very loud!  Then, he stopped and played the recording back, LOUDLY. Then he recorded more of his silly, derogatory song, and started to include that I was DUMB and STUPID! Then he’d play the whole thing back, LOUDLY, record more, and repeat.  He did this over and over and over again. It got crazier and more derogatory each time.  He ran me out of the bedroom.  I couldn’t make him stop!  He even went to the bathroom and played it in there, LOUDLY, so that I could still hear it.

I grabbed my coat to leave, because this went on for almost an hour, no matter how much I complained.  He even told me I owed him an apology. He also said I was angry and violent.  Meanwhile, each time I asked him to stop, he was furious.  Then, I decided I wouldn’t let him run me out of my own house. So I covered my head and ears with  blanket, and tried to ignore him.  It wasn’t easy.

At least I had the presence of mind to record him. He thought it was a good thing.  He has no idea that I’m going to play it for our primary care physician, in my private visit with him. 

This behavior was so bizarre that I told him, “This is just too crazy for me.  Stop it.”  Of course, that didn’t work.  He only stopped because had a doctor’s appointment, and needed to leave.  I was supposed to go with him, because he’ll soon have minor/day  surgery, and I needed more details.  But I was so spent, and so angry, that I felt I couldn’t do it. In the meantime,  I shared a video of his song/rant with a cousin who knows I have  a problem with my husband, and he couldn’t be leave how bad it was.

In the end, I had to steel myself and go with him to the appointment, but I did take an Uber, and he walked. I couldn’t bear to walk with him. Still,  I needed to know just what was going on with his health and the  surgery.  I felt like a crazy person.  I don’t really know how to go from craziness to normalcy, for appearances sake.  But somehow, even though at first he said he was too upset to keep his appointment,  he was able to just snap out of it! By the time I met him in the waiting room, he was smiling and jovial. How does he do this?
I still felt weird and uncomfortable, after what we’d just been through. 

I sat through the appointment and got the information about his surgery, because he’s so forgetful. I feel like he’s at the doorstep of dementia.   

He’s a living nightmare.  Were it not for the months of relative normalcy in between, I’d have to leave.  I wish I could do it now, but we’re both retired and on fixed incomes. We’re fine financially, together.  But it would be nearly impossible for us to thrive separately.  So I feel trapped.  I just try to deal with it. Thank God for my friends and activities outside of home.

He’s impossible. 

I just want to live out my golden years in peace.

Thank you for listening.

[JazzSinger]

My husband with untreated BPD was out of control today.  He got angry with me because I expressed a desire for him to drive me places sometimes because I’m a city gal in my 70’s,  (he’s still in his 60’s), I don’t drive, it’s OUR car, and public transportation is getting harder and harder on my knees. And I don’t move around as quickly as I once did, so it's hard navigating the crowds.   He became very angry, while also making mean little jokes about me.

He started singing a silly song into his iPad, about how he was above public transportation but it should be good enough for me.  And he was singing very loud!  Then, he stopped and played the recording back, LOUDLY. Then he recorded more of his silly, derogatory song, and started to include that I was DUMB and STUPID! Then he’d play the whole thing back, LOUDLY, record more, and repeat.  He did this over and over and over again. It got crazier and more derogatory each time.  He ran me out of the bedroom.  I couldn’t make him stop!  He even went to the bathroom and played it in there, LOUDLY, so that I could still hear it.

I grabbed my coat to leave, because this went on for almost an hour, no matter how much I complained.  He even told me I owed him an apology. He also said I was angry and violent.  Meanwhile, each time I asked him to stop, he was furious.  Then, I decided I wouldn’t let him run me out of my own house. So I covered my head and ears with  blanket, and tried to ignore him.  It wasn’t easy.

At least I had the presence of mind to record him. He thought it was a good thing.  He has no idea that I’m going to play it for our primary care physician, in my private visit with him. 

This behavior was so bizarre that I told him, “This is just too crazy for me.  Stop it.”  Of course, that didn’t work.  He only stopped because had a doctor’s appointment, and needed to leave.  I was supposed to go with him, because he’ll soon have minor/day  surgery, and I needed more details.  But I was so spent, and so angry, that I felt I couldn’t do it. In the meantime,  I shared a video of his song/rant with a cousin who knows I have  a problem with my husband, and he couldn’t be leave how bad it was.

In the end, I had to steel myself and go with him to the appointment, but I did take an Uber, and he walked. I couldn’t bear to walk with him. Still,  I needed to know just what was going on with his health and the  surgery.  I felt like a crazy person.  I don’t really know how to go from craziness to normalcy, for appearances sake.  But somehow, even though at first he said he was too upset to keep his appointment,  he was able to just snap out of it! By the time I met him in the waiting room, he was smiling and jovial. How does he do this?
I still felt weird and uncomfortable, after what we’d just been through. 

I sat through the appointment and got the information about his surgery, because he’s so forgetful. I feel like he’s at the doorstep of dementia.   

He’s a living nightmare.  Were it not for the months of relative normalcy in between, I’d have to leave.  I wish I could do it now, but we’re both retired and on fixed incomes. We’re fine financially, together.  But it would be nearly impossible for us to thrive separately.  So I feel trapped.  I just try to deal with it. Thank God for my friends and activities outside of home.

He’s impossible. 

I just want to live out my golden years in peace.

Thank you for listening.

[livednlearned]

JazzSinger, what a strange thing to have to go through.

My ex made up songs about me too. One song was about me digging my own grave in the sand down by the river. I once put headphones on because he was following me around the house with his guitar, singing the chorus over and over. It's one of the incidents that led me to take up meditation because it was the only way to find solace.

Were you able to share the recording with his PCP?

You suspect he is on the doorstep of dementia. Are you in a position to suggest this with his doctor? I can imagine it must be tricky to do so.

[townhouse]

Jazzsinger, how horrible to have to go through that for ages. I did mention in another of your posts that I see similarities between our husbands with UnBPD but thank goodness my husband hasn’t taken to making up songs.

Your mention of the door step of dementia is quite nerve wracking isn’t it. It doesn’t augur well for the future. Same with my husband. He is constantly in such stress from anything in his life or the world that he can’t remember what day it is.

[JazzSinger]

JazzSinger, what a strange thing to have to go through.

My ex made up songs about me too. One song was about me digging my own grave in the sand down by the river. I once put headphones on because he was following me around the house with his guitar, singing the chorus over and over. It's one of the incidents that led me to take up meditation because it was the only way to find solace.

Were you able to share the recording with his PCP?

You suspect he is on the doorstep of dementia. Are you in a position to suggest this with his doctor? I can imagine it must be tricky to do so.

Livednlearned,

Oh my goodness.  I never imagined anyone else had experienced this.  Thank you for sharing. I feel for you.


My UHWBPD used to follow me around during his outbursts, but now, thankfully, I don’t think he has the energy for it. He’d follow me from room to room, with name calling and criticisms spewing from his lips.   


I’ll be able to share the recording with our pcp in a couple of weeks.  Not much I can do about what I fear is dementia.   He can’t remember anything anymore.  It’s obvious.  And he gets angry at ME when he forgets things. 

He needs help.

[JazzSinger]

Jazzsinger, how horrible to have to go through that for ages. I did mention in another of your posts that I see similarities between our husbands with UnBPD but thank goodness my husband hasn’t taken to making up songs.

Your mention of the door step of dementia is quite nerve wracking isn’t it. It doesn’t augur well for the future. Same with my husband. He is constantly in such stress from anything in his life or the world that he can’t remember what day it is.

Townhouse,

Thanks for understanding. 

Although I’m not a doctor, I can see he forgets everything, all the time.  His memory is shot.  And indeed, I think it’s because he’s always so stressed out over everything little thing that most of us have no problem dealing with in life.  I don’t know how he holds so many negative and fearful thoughts in his head, but I do know it’s not helpful, especially at this stage in his life. 


He’s done the singing before.  It’s infuriating.  But in the end, I told myself he’s childish, on top of everything else.  And then, I was able to see him as a silly, angry little
toddler, who couldn’t control his emotions, so he made up a song.   That took the sting out of it.  But the whole experience was still like something out of The Twillight Zone for me.

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.

[ForeverDad]

My ex isn't a musician but there was the night I had called the police and later that week we separated.  The night after the police had left, she bounced our preschooler on her knee and she was signing a ditty disparaging me and got the little tyke to laugh and giggle, when hours before she had him in tears while at the same time telling me he was okay.

Not a good memory.  Close to two decades have passed but this topic brought it all back.  There's some serious wrong for someone to be able to do that.