can triggers restart your whole process of recovery?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello all. Maybe its just this frigid weather reminding me of her cold heartless actions.

After experiencing what I considered to be my second closure this past Friday night with rediscovering the truth about my ex and her horrible actions... I seem to have relapsed.

Hearing her evil actions and devious plans of abuse and treatment of me from her office mate set me off in to yet another tailspin of wild emotions. Mostly rage.

Following that night it's like I'm back at square one all over again. The following day I was depressed to the point I felt sick and worthless. Followed by the next day I was so full of rage I could hardly contain it. Finally here I am again... .  ruminating about her and all we had together and all she sacrificed for a new host to manipulate.

I have been retriggered. Although I'm handling it some what better, I'm mentally exhausted and find myself beating back the depression again. I can't stop thinking of the toxic waste, the way she purposely choose to mistreat and abuse me to get rid of me after she had her replacement and fill of me.

She knew what she was doing and coldly calculated her plan and carried it out like a master assassin. I feel so sick thinking about it. It's like she was two totally different people. To know she was seeing her replacement and still using me the way she did may have finally sent me off the deep end.

I believe my issues are low self esteem and I was codependent on her to make me feel good about myself. Finding this information out about her actions only further destroy my self esteem.

If I am truly such a great guy as everyone says, why would she do such things to me and why am I alone? It's it true that nice guys truly do finish last?

Consider me back on the carousel of pain for now. Triggers are dangerous, shot me right back to hell.

[afterdeath]

Hello all. Maybe its just this frigid weather reminding me of her cold heartless actions.

After experiencing what I considered to be my second closure this past Friday night with rediscovering the truth about my ex and her horrible actions... I seem to have relapsed.

Hearing her evil actions and devious plans of abuse and treatment of me from her office mate set me off in to yet another tailspin of wild emotions. Mostly rage.

Following that night it's like I'm back at square one all over again. The following day I was depressed to the point I felt sick and worthless. Followed by the next day I was so full of rage I could hardly contain it. Finally here I am again... .  ruminating about her and all we had together and all she sacrificed for a new host to manipulate.

I have been retriggered. Although I'm handling it some what better, I'm mentally exhausted and find myself beating back the depression again. I can't stop thinking of the toxic waste, the way she purposely choose to mistreat and abuse me to get rid of me after she had her replacement and fill of me.

She knew what she was doing and coldly calculated her plan and carried it out like a master assassin. I feel so sick thinking about it. It's like she was two totally different people. To know she was seeing her replacement and still using me the way she did may have finally sent me off the deep end.

I believe my issues are low self esteem and I was codependent on her to make me feel good about myself. Finding this information out about her actions only further destroy my self esteem.

If I am truly such a great guy as everyone says, why would she do such things to me and why am I alone? It's it true that nice guys truly do finish last?

Consider me back on the carousel of pain for now. Triggers are dangerous, shot me right back to hell.

[refuge]

I can relate

I got into a rather nasty situation because she made her way into my family and when the ~ hit the fan all the parties involved tried blaming me for being "delusional". My own mother basically turned on me as a means of emotionally saving herself from facing with what my brother did to me ... for months I tried to make them understand,  instead they tried throwing me into a mental institution and drug rehab! it got to the point I was numb. It's not just psychological... just as some here have seen there partners go into "numb protector" mode, we also do the same thing to a lesser extreme... serotonin levels drop,and just when you think your back to normal something triggers and your back to numbness... .  

go see a dr or look into serotonin supplements ...      

[FindingMe2011]

Yep, Ive been there. I could spin it for a while. In the end it only showed me one thing. I missed something... .  I wish you well, PEACE

[turtle]

In the beginning, the triggers can really take a toll.

As time goes on, those triggers become less active.

It takes time... .  and while the triggers are unpleasant... .  they are part of letting us know where we are in the process of letting go!

I don't think the "hurt" from these relationships ever really goes away, but it becomes so small, that you just don't notice it anymore.  Then one day when a trigger pops up, you remember but there's no energy or volatility in the memory.

turtle

[almost789]

yes, unfortunately I think they can. I have this too. For weeks I can be doing really good, hardly thinking of him and feel as though I'm moving on well. Then something will trigger me to "remember" and then I go into angry depression again and have to climb back out. Over and over again. Up and down. I don't think I've completely let go. Im reading a book now and I think its going to help me with this. Its the journey from abandonment to healing, by susan anderson.

[afterdeath]

In the beginning, the triggers can really take a toll.

As time goes on, those triggers become less active.

It takes time... .  and while the triggers are unpleasant... .  they are part of letting us know where we are in the process of letting go!

I don't think the "hurt" from these relationships ever really goes away, but it becomes so small, that you just don't notice it anymore.  Then one day when a trigger pops up, you remember but there's no energy or volatility in the memory.

turtle

I pray that day comes soon for me. It did help in the sense that after that night I went home and deleted all pictures and memories finally to stop ruminating over her. Something I said I wouldn't do because that is what she would do to get over me... .  simply throw everything away and act like it never happened. Six months in to this long journey and I can't wait to reach the ambiguous finish line.

Still... .  no one really understand why I'm still hung up on her so I don't talk about it other than here.

I believe psycho altering drugs are not the answer for me. They would only be a crutch furthering the recovery process.

The only way is time like turtle was saying. One day I will hear of her or see her and hold no emotional value to her  anymore. I can not wait for that day. I pray I will develop amnesia only for her and totally forget she ever came in to my life.

[Newton]

I found a simple technique re: "triggers"... .  quite useful... .  initially avoidance worked ie/ removing as many photos, physical memories from my living space... .  why expose yourself to additional pain when you already have your triggering thoughts to cope with!... .  

Then... .  if I experienced a trigger... .  maybe hearing a few lines of a song, something on tv... .  finding an old photo etc... .  I would acknowledge "ok... .  this is a trigger!... .  I am going to feel really crappy as a result of this trigger!... .  that feeling will pass with time... .  what do I have in my power to not empower and fuel that crappy feeling?" (exercise, reading, posting, calling a friend)... .  

aftrerdeath... .  you were triggered, you felt awful as a result... .  you posted here... .  good job 

ps/ "good guys" only finish last with girls who don't have the capacity or ability to appreciate how good they are... .  and thats a good thing for the good guy... .  even though at times it doesn't feel like it   

[afterdeath]

I found a simple technique re: "triggers"... .  quite useful... .  initially avoidance worked ie/ removing as many photos, physical memories from my living space... .  why expose yourself to additional pain when you already have your triggering thoughts to cope with!... .  

Then... .  if I experienced a trigger... .  maybe hearing a few lines of a song, something on tv... .  finding an old photo etc... .  I would acknowledge "ok... .  this is a trigger!... .  I am going to feel really crappy as a result of this trigger!... .  that feeling will pass with time... .  what do I have in my power to not empower and fuel that crappy feeling?" (exercise, reading, posting, calling a friend)... .  

aftrerdeath... .  you were triggered, you felt awful as a result... .  you posted here... .  good job 

ps/ "good guys" only finish last with girls who don't have the capacity or ability to appreciate how good they are... .  and thats a good thing for the good guy... .  even though at times it doesn't feel like it   

Thank you Newton. I did read that trigger post when it was current I just forgot about it. I am trying to find healthy outlets after I've been triggered.

I've been doing fairly well as I've been working out consistently again but it sometimes further frustrates me because I don't see the results I want right away.

I guess I should compare my love life to working out. Although I do not see immediate results, if I keep at it, I will get the results I want in the long run from hard work and dedication.

This is my outlet as well, as I'm among people who understand. I feel I've made progress since I started reading about this and posting here so I thank everyone involved.

I know Newton has written in response a few times for me and I highly appreciate it. That last response really made me feel good.  :-)

So many triggers keep popping up and I'm mostly blocking them out now. But I have another 80 hour work week coming and I fear I may slip further back in to the void.

Mentally staying stronger longer but it's so exhausting. One day I will come to these boards only to help others as I will be cured. But for now I trudge on.

I have fears of never finding love again, and I know I won't find one like hers again because it wasn't healthy. But boy did she make me so very happy in the beginning.

I use that as a reminder that this poor fool is about to hit the end of the honeymoon stage as I have a good idea of her pattern now and remind myself she wasn't all sunshine and rainbows and she was mostly miserable all the time. It's only those first few golden months that made it seem so perfect. All an act.

That makes me wonder if love even exists anymore with more than half the marriages dissolving today.I choose to still believe Mrs right is still out there waiting for me.

I've clearly went off topic... .  Just some of the fears and anxieties I have I suppose. I need to find a board to rebuild myself and work on my issues .

[turtle]

That makes me wonder if love even exists anymore with more than half the marriages dissolving today.I choose to still believe Mrs right is still out there waiting for me.

Love doesn't exist with the current definitions you have.  And aren't you grateful for that?

turtle

[Newton]

I just thought of an analogy of working out... .  I love it too!... .  and it's a bit like separating from a pwBPD... .  

It's really hard to motivate yourself to do it in the first place... .  it hurts like hell when you do it initially... .  you can make lot's of excuses NOT to do it... .  the results are often slow and undetectable... .  yet deep down you KNOW you are on the right path and doing something good for YOURSELF! Long term, with persistence you will feel soo much better! 

[afterdeath]

I just thought of an analogy of working out... .  I love it too!... .  and it's a bit like separating from a pwBPD... .  

It's really hard to motivate yourself to do it in the first place... .  it hurts like hell when you do it initially... .  you can make lot's of excuses NOT to do it... .  the results are often slow and undetectable... .  yet deep down you KNOW you are on the right path and doing something good for YOURSELF! Long term, with persistence you will feel soo much better! 

Persistance pays off my friend. I like that a lot.

And yes turtle I hope true love is waiting to teach me and show me what I've been missing. I know I am capable of such as I've had a pretty serious relationship before this one that was totally healthy and lasted longer than this one. It just wasn't the right time as that relationship was in highschool and she needed to go explore life some more. Oddly enough I was only a little upset for a month over that because she was honest and loving and we respected each other. She had since said she regrets ever breaking up with me but it had to happen. I completely respect her still.

Current ex though? I can not hold her in the same regard even after I was engaged with her. She admits no fault, lacked respect, cheated, and lied, and still lies.

Yet I'm still stuck on her. Life makes no sense.

I wish to return to planet earth and find someone who loves me for me and is willing to be patient and kind as well as willing to put the work in when times get tough. Looking for a true partner and friend for life. Yes... .  love.

How does the quote go? Lifes greatest gift is to love and be truly loved in return. I can think of no such better thing.

I will be at that point of happiness one day soon again. I promise this.

[turtle]

And yes turtle I hope true love is waiting to teach me and show me what I've been missing. I know I am capable of such as I've had a pretty serious relationship before this one that was totally healthy and lasted longer than this one. It just wasn't the right time as that relationship was in highschool and she needed to go explore life some more. Oddly enough I was only a little upset for a month over that because she was honest and loving and we respected each other. She had since said she regrets ever breaking up with me but it had to happen. I completely respect her still.

What an amazing gift this is for you afterdeath!  Many of us don't even have a glimpse of what "healthy" looks like.  YOU have at least some knowledge of how that looks.  This is great information for you!

And I like the analogy of working out too.  When I first came here, six years ago, I chose "turtle" as my name because I was so beaten down. I just wanted to hide inside my shell and never come out. I was afraid to come out.  Now, the name fits because the turtle wins the race!  It's a slow (excrutiatingly slow sometimes) process, just like working out.  But one day, you look at your body and say "hey!  All of my effort is starting to show!"  Then that makes you want to do more!  It's the same with our recovery.  It seems like nothing is happening at all and then one day, you see a result - no matter how small - and it propels you forward.

Hang in there afterdeath.  I have no doubt that this is true for you:

I will be at that point of happiness one day soon again. I promise this.

[Newton]

It's also apt because you are a "sparkly" turtle now... .  remember? 

[turtle]

It's also apt because you are a "sparkly" turtle now... .  remember? 

   Yes, I remember -- I will always remember that!

And I am so, so grateful that my sparkle is back!

[Tausk]

Hi Afterdeath:

Yes, triggers are very difficult, but know that we on this side of the board understand because we all go through them.  Six months is not a long time for those on this side of the board, but the rest of the world does not understand the issues.  We were trauma bonded.  If I was held hostage by pirates for years and abused, people and myself would not expect full recovery in six months.

We have trauma and abuse and PTSD.  So it takes time.  Triggers for soldiers returning from combat duty are well documented as well.  We also fall into the spectrum of this type of recovery.

The good news, is that many people on this side of the board have gone through the triggers and have walked the same path that we wish to walk.  And they have found recovery.  I believe that if continue to do the work I can find recovery, and I have faith that the same is true for you as well.

It takes time and the grieving process is not linear. It's a cycle but the in the long run, if we do the work, the trend is recovery.  And we can become so much more than we ever could have even hoped for while we were with our exes.

And I've tried to learn, that emotions whether painful or pleasant are neither good nor bad.  They just are.  So I try not to judge my recovery by my emotional state.  It's how I respond to the emotions that count. For example, I see that you have posted on the board in response to the pain of the triggers.  I can't help but feel that type of response shows incredible honestly, courage, acceptance, hope, and willingness.  That shows me your strength, and inspires me to continue to do the work necessary in a positive manner.  Thank you.

The actions of our exes at the end of the interaction can be unforgiveable.  But I know that my ex, although betrayed me, was just a terrified three year old acting out purely survival skills needed to face the abject nightmare of her existence.  She's not capable to responsible actions or empathy or compassion or guilt, or remorse... .  She's basically in action just like a zombie who devours, forgets and moves on without any conscious.  It's so very sad, because I know that my ex is filled with shame, but can't process the shame because she can't feel guilt.  So I cry for her often.  

The greatest gift our exes can give us is to hurt us so deeply that we are forced to look at our core wounds, FOO issues and our shortcomings.  And as a result, we can grow and be the people we have always wanted to be.  I know that I have hope to be able to love and to be loved in a deeply intimate manner that I never thought was with in me.  But yes, it's painful and difficult.  But I am rewarded for my work and suffering in recovery by growing.  Everything I gave to the interaction with my ex gfwBPD not only was wasted, it also caused destruction to me, my family and my friends.

But now I have a chance to understand myself, and that starts with why I tried to find love with a such a deeply mentally person.  And then I can accept myself and then love myself.

On the other hand, our exes gain nothing from having been with us.  In fact they just push more shame deeper and become more firmly intrenched in their disorder.  So pathetic it hurts.  And as angry as I get, I would never want to change places.

And as a final note, death in many cultures is a blessing, because we die in many ways over and over again in a lifetime, and the blessing is that this give us an opportunity to be reborn.  So, I'm hoping after somemore recovery, I'll see your name as something like, "reborn."

In support

Sp

[afterdeath]

Beautiful response sp. You inspire me as well being able to articulate your emotions as well a read others thoughts clearly and having Ann overall deep understanding of all of this madness.

I can feel your pain as it is deep within myself as well. You, turtle, Newton, as well as the rest of the members of this board are all beautiful creatures in their own right and every story on this board is enough to win all the academy awards for biggest tear jerking stories. We have all been through so much.

I wish to share a deep gratitude with you all and let you know I highly appreciate all of your responses. One thing my ex always said was that I never appreciated anything, total bull, maybe I didn't express it enough though as I find communicating via verbally rather than in the written form more difficult.

We will all make it out of this together and ultimately rise like a Phoenix from the Ashes

Again sp has intuitively saw into my name even and picked up behind the meaning of it. Incredible,I applaud you as I usually have many meanings behind a name. I have died again and again and am a master at being reborn a better and stronger person. I hoped to break this moulds soon as well and break out as reborn to the strongest possible form and best version of myself that I can be, a slow work in progress but the best things take time and a careful guiding hand to perfect through trial and error.

Cheers too all of you: here is to creating yourselves again to the best possible version you've ever been

[Suzn]

Current ex though? I can not hold her in the same regard even after I was engaged with her. She admits no fault, lacked respect, cheated, and lied, and still lies.

Yet I'm still stuck on her. Life makes no sense.

We try to bring logic in when there is none. This is one reason we struggle. There's a saying I often tell myself "this is just a bad day, not a bad life".

I've clearly went off topic... .  Just some of the fears and anxieties I have I suppose. I need to find a board to rebuild myself and work on my issues .

You have found that board. Welcome to personal inventory. 

[Free One]

Yes, triggers are very difficult, but know that we on this side of the board understand because we all go through them.  Six months is not a long time for those on this side of the board, but the rest of the world does not understand the issues.  We were trauma bonded.  If I was held hostage by pirates for years and abused, people and myself would not expect full recovery in six months.

Thank you. I need to remind myself of this. I have come a very long way in the last year and half, but if I look at in a different perspective, it is understandable that I am not fully healed. This is hard for me because I have worked very hard and I still get frustrated that I feel like I am fighting the same battles over and over. I need to have patience and compassion for myself.

[afterdeath]

Current ex though? I can not hold her in the same regard even after I was engaged with her. She admits no fault, lacked respect, cheated, and lied, and still lies.

Yet I'm still stuck on her. Life makes no sense.

We try to bring logic in when there is none. This is one reason we struggle. There's a saying I often tell myself "this is just a bad day, not a bad life".

I've clearly went off topic... .  Just some of the fears and anxieties I have I suppose. I need to find a board to rebuild myself and work on my issues .

You have found that board. Welcome to personal inventory. 

Thank you suzn. I feel I am in between this board and detaching still. I guess that is why it can get so frustrating being on this rollercoaster of feeling ok only to fall back down to feeling depressed.

I wish I knew why I become so angry and jealous. I have a good life, mom and dad are good to me. Not sure where my issues stem from. Only thing I can think of is when I used to be fat when I was very young and constantly got picked on for it.

I'm afraid of letting people I care about down. For some reason I'm the nice guy always finishing last. Just about every girl I was in a relationship with has cheated on me and I get the same excuse every time: you were to nice and too good for her.

I must be boring. Always pleasing some one else. Must get boring for them to have out be that easy.

I don't know what my problem is. But it probably costed me what I thought was my dream girl.

Why am I continually falling for crazy girls that use me and cheat on me.

[maria1]

Hi afterdeath

I wish I knew why I become so angry and jealous. I have a good life, mom and dad are good to me. Not sure where my issues stem from. Only thing I can think of is when I used to be fat when I was very young and constantly got picked on for it.

I'm afraid of letting people I care about down. For some reason I'm the nice guy always finishing last. Just about every girl I was in a relationship with has cheated on me and I get the same excuse every time: you were to nice and too good for her.

I must be boring. Always pleasing some one else. Must get boring for them to have out be that easy.

I struggled with accepting the label of being codependent. I read the CODA website and some articles about codependency and didn't really think I fit the profile. But having read more and evolved a greater understanding I think now we all end up in these dysfunctional relationships because of codependency- or we become more codependent as the relationship evolves.

My own definition of it is that we end up putting others needs first because we didn't learn how to get our own needs met as children. My guess is if you poke around in literature about codependency you might find some answers to your questions. I never thought of my own childhood as dysfunctional or abusive but I recognise now that my needs didn't matter much. I wasn't an unhappy child.

I'm reading 'Codependent no more' by Melody Beattie. It's fascinating, you might find it useful too.

[afterdeath]

Hi afterdeath

I wish I knew why I become so angry and jealous. I have a good life, mom and dad are good to me. Not sure where my issues stem from. Only thing I can think of is when I used to be fat when I was very young and constantly got picked on for it.

I'm afraid of letting people I care about down. For some reason I'm the nice guy always finishing last. Just about every girl I was in a relationship with has cheated on me and I get the same excuse every time: you were to nice and too good for her.

I must be boring. Always pleasing some one else. Must get boring for them to have out be that easy. [/b

I struggled with accepting the label of being codependent. I read the CODA website and some articles about codependency and didn't really think I fit the profile. But having read more and evolved a greater understanding I think now we all end up in these dysfunctional relationships because of codependency- or we become more codependent as the relationship evolves.

My own definition of it is that we end up putting others needs first because we didn't learn how to get our own needs met as children. My guess is if you poke around in literature about codependency you might find some answers to your questions. I never thought of my own childhood as dysfunctional or abusive but I recognise now that my needs didn't matter much. I wasn't an unhappy child.

I'm reading 'Codependent no more' by Melody Beattie. It's fascinating, you might find it useful too.

Thanks for your insight Maria. I have read up on codependent and I've placed myself within that group as well I just do not know why I belong on that group.

I wasn't abused. I was just a normal happy kid besides the whole weight thing when I was in elementary.

Maybe my parents didn't hug me enough? We don't really speak of feelings or show loving actions, we just know our actions and unconditional love is there.

Maybe it's because I witnessed death at a young age? Maybe I overcompensate my feelings because I know I may never get the chance to prove it to them or would rather enjoy our limited time together.

I'm very confused. I've been described as intense in my emotions. I've also been described as some one with a chip on my shoulder. I've always saw myself as the under dog and outlast ready to prove everyone wrong and take on the world.

Yet I contradict myself and say I don't care what anyone thinks of me.

I know since I've hit college I was trying to discover who I am. Not sure I have a clue after my relationship with my ex.

People reassure me I'm a very good person that deserves the best, but the world always seems to have other plans.

I know I have issues. I just can't target what they are or why they are.

[maria1]

Are you in therapy? It's not easy to target our own issues. It's also very difficult to understand what caused us to be the way we are. No easy task.

My brother was demanding. He would come into my room and take stuff. It drove me mad that if I went for a shower there were never any dry towels because he would use them all! H would party all night and my parents couldn't get him to turn the music down. Not really big stuff. But I can pinpoint that in particular as being me unable to assert any boundaries, or even recognise that mine might matter.

Witnessing death at a young age might be a factor too. A therapist can help you with all this.

[afterdeath]

No time for therapy unfortunately with my job. I've usually done well at finding my flaws and fixing them but it's becoming possibly obvious when it comes to love and women... .  I'm doing it wrong.

It's a fine dance of push/pull in my eyes... .  do I love too much or not enough... do I act jealous our play it cool... do I fight or flight... .  is she right or am I.

For all I know I'm BPD now . I see it more as a yin and yang philosophy but people are reassuring me that what I experienced was not love and when I truly find it... .  it won't be that difficult.

I guess I may never know the right answer.

My single wish in this life is to be loved and happy.

To love and to be loved in return is the greatest gift of all.

After saying that I just had a moment of epiphany. What if that saying is only meant to love oneself and in return you will always be loved?

I had always figured that saying was for two people. Ok codependency,I see you... .  now where are the other issues hiding.

Yes,I am talking to myself, don't mind me

I think too much

[maria1]

Try that book- you might be surprised what it tells you about yourself. Dare you!

[afterdeath]

Try that book- you might be surprised what it tells you about yourself. Dare you!

Do you double dog dare me?  ;-)

Thanks for the suggestion. I might just do that.

[maria1]

Absolutely- double dog dare coming right at you! Get out and buy that book tomorrow if you can't download it RIGHT NOW! You can take control of this more than you think you know.

[myself]

It can definitely be 'two steps forward and one step back' when something triggers bad memories or rubs against old wounds. In time, with the work being put in on ourselves, the pains will be diminishing, and we won't fall back as far or as harmfully. If at all. Following through with bettering ourselves will help with keeping a clearer focus on things like boundaries and health.

[stuckinbetween]

I would love to know what has helped others who suffer from C-PTSD.  I can so relate to your story.  Triggers cause me to double over in pain and even avoid other people who may, even inadvertently, trip me up.  I'm trying to help myself with ACT self help books.  ACT is better than conventional CBT for me.  Look up Russ Harris's books on Amazon.  "The Reality Slap," makes more sense to me than anything else has.  Please look at it.

Stuckinbetween

[afterdeath]

I would love to know what has helped others who suffer from C-PTSD.  I can so relate to your story.  Triggers cause me to double over in pain and even avoid other people who may, even inadvertently, trip me up.  I'm trying to help myself with ACT self help books.  ACT is better than conventional CBT for me.  Look up Russ Harris's books on Amazon.  "The Reality Slap," makes more sense to me than anything else has.  Please look at it.

Stuckinbetween

I read an article on here the other day I believe it's titled edrm for ptsd or something to that effect. And through out the thread they have links to sites that help. For me I particularly like the what I like to call the ban hammer method. It's actually called the hammr method I believe. It's simple yet effective, basically visualizing your thoughts and mashing a negative thought with a good one to automatically think of the good thought next time you are triggered.

It has had a positive influence on me. Although I still dream of her and think of her everyday, I'm starting to believe in myself again and that is a huge victory for me.

If I saw her in person I'd still be triggered to shake and I still have the ptsd, but at least I'm making progress and I feel I am herring closer to the end of the heart ache maze

[Free One]

I would love to know what has helped others who suffer from C-PTSD.  I can so relate to your story.  Triggers cause me to double over in pain and even avoid other people who may, even inadvertently, trip me up.  I'm trying to help myself with ACT self help books.  ACT is better than conventional CBT for me.  Look up Russ Harris's books on Amazon.  "The Reality Slap," makes more sense to me than anything else has.  Please look at it.

Stuckinbetween

I read an article on here the other day I believe it's titled edrm for ptsd or something to that effect. And through out the thread they have links to sites that help. For me I particularly like the what I like to call the ban hammer method. It's actually called the hammr method I believe. It's simple yet effective, basically visualizing your thoughts and mashing a negative thought with a good one to automatically think of the good thought next time you are triggered.

It has had a positive influence on me. Although I still dream of her and think of her everyday, I'm starting to believe in myself again and that is a huge victory for me.

If I saw her in person I'd still be triggered to shake and I still have the ptsd, but at least I'm making progress and I feel I am herring closer to the end of the heart ache maze

I have done the EMDR with tapping with a T and it worked wonders. A similar process you can do yourself is called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or Tapping. Jack Canfield (author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series) has a new book out called Tapping Into Ultimate Success. It's about $18 on Amazon and comes with an in-depth DVD on the technique. There are also many videos on Youtube about how to do it.

[joanlee]

Even after a year and a half (divorced in 2011 after 36 yrs), I still have triggers. I still get blindsided when I least expect it. I just want this nightmare to be over. I'm just hoping that the pain will get less and less as time goes on, and eventually it will go away. Just when I feel like I'm moving on and doing okay, some bizarre memory will come back, and it's like I'm right in the middle of all the insanity again. I can't believe how long this process takes, especially the longer you are married or involved with this person. It's like a death, only worse, because he is still out there. For a while I worried about him, but now he has moved on to a new relationship. So good for him. Who knew I'd be the one still struggling?

[afterdeath]

Even after a year and a half (divorced in 2011 after 36 yrs), I still have triggers. I still get blindsided when I least expect it. I just want this nightmare to be over. I'm just hoping that the pain will get less and less as time goes on, and eventually it will go away. Just when I feel like I'm moving on and doing okay, some bizarre memory will come back, and it's like I'm right in the middle of all the insanity again. I can't believe how long this process takes, especially the longer you are married or involved with this person. It's like a death, only worse, because he is still out there. For a while I worried about him, but now he has moved on to a new relationship. So good for him. Who knew I'd be the one still struggling?

It's like waiting for mike Myers to reappear. Even though you've killed him multiple times, he still keeps finding a way to pop back up.

I can't stop dreaming about her, so even when I sleep I am not at peace. This truly is as bad as them passing away knowing they are, or the person you thought you fell in love with it's never coming back. I mourn a death in myself as well as I'll never be gullible to the innocence of love again. It's more like all is fair in love and war.