I got stabbed and put up with violent abuse for a long time. Violence and BPD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

beautifuldisaster123,

Reading your story reminded me so much of my r/s with my exwife with undiag BPD. We were together for ten years and apart for three. She moved back to her home country and has lived with at least three different dudes since, which I won't lie, hurt like hell when I found out. I have not moved on so easily. I think the others are correct when they say you are probably suffering from PTSD, and who wouldn't be. I felt shattered to the core when I dragged myself away from the escalating violence. Mine came at me with a butcher knife, which luckily I wrested away from her. I think this happened two or three times. And then she came at me with a shotgun, that I had naively taught her how to shoot... .luckily I wrestled that away from her too. My solution to that incident was not to leave, but to get the guns out of the house... .These were nightmarish episodes that would be forgotten and not spoken about in our house, if I did happen to bring something up, once she had calmed down, she would have a completely different version in her mind. "You must have done something to make me mad, or if you wouldn't have done X, it wouldn't have happened". This type of mind f@cking eventually got me to questioning my own sanity. Leaving her was the hardest and the best thing I ever did. She is a grenade that will always go off on he who is closest to her. And then she will go out of her way to be "perfect" in order to keep him around. It is a viscious and tragic cycle that in our cases would likely end up with us dead. Look what happpend to poor Phil Harman, his nutter shot him in his sleep. None of this is easy, but recognizing that I had PTSD, as crazy as that sounds, helped a lot. I took Phenibut and Kanna for a while and that kept me from drinking and definitely helped soothe some of the internal fractures. I also threw myself into extreme hot yoga, almost as an all consuming distraction and maybe even self punishment,  b/c I believed her bs that all of it was my fault. I will always miss the "perfect wife" that I had at times, but it wasn't real. It was an act. She mirrored me. Read me, and gave me exactly what I wanted so A. I wouldn't leave her And B. I would continue to endure her violent dysregulatations. Just imagine if you had kids with this woman. Is that something you would want to subject an innocent child to? I used to feel really bad for our dogs, there faces would get so sad when she would rage. Write down the horrible things she did to you, which will be hard, and when you forget those things and only remember and long for the "good times" whip that paper out and slap yourself back into reality. I wish I could tell you I have found someone else and have totally moved on, but I haven't. But I know that I will never subject myself to or tolerate being violently abused like that. Don't give up. You sound like a really good man and the world is currently at a shortage.

[rotgut]

beautifuldisaster123,

Reading your story reminded me so much of my r/s with my exwife with undiag BPD. We were together for ten years and apart for three. She moved back to her home country and has lived with at least three different dudes since, which I won't lie, hurt like hell when I found out. I have not moved on so easily. I think the others are correct when they say you are probably suffering from PTSD, and who wouldn't be. I felt shattered to the core when I dragged myself away from the escalating violence. Mine came at me with a butcher knife, which luckily I wrested away from her. I think this happened two or three times. And then she came at me with a shotgun, that I had naively taught her how to shoot... .luckily I wrestled that away from her too. My solution to that incident was not to leave, but to get the guns out of the house... .These were nightmarish episodes that would be forgotten and not spoken about in our house, if I did happen to bring something up, once she had calmed down, she would have a completely different version in her mind. "You must have done something to make me mad, or if you wouldn't have done X, it wouldn't have happened". This type of mind f@cking eventually got me to questioning my own sanity. Leaving her was the hardest and the best thing I ever did. She is a grenade that will always go off on he who is closest to her. And then she will go out of her way to be "perfect" in order to keep him around. It is a viscious and tragic cycle that in our cases would likely end up with us dead. Look what happpend to poor Phil Harman, his nutter shot him in his sleep. None of this is easy, but recognizing that I had PTSD, as crazy as that sounds, helped a lot. I took Phenibut and Kanna for a while and that kept me from drinking and definitely helped soothe some of the internal fractures. I also threw myself into extreme hot yoga, almost as an all consuming distraction and maybe even self punishment,  b/c I believed her bs that all of it was my fault. I will always miss the "perfect wife" that I had at times, but it wasn't real. It was an act. She mirrored me. Read me, and gave me exactly what I wanted so A. I wouldn't leave her And B. I would continue to endure her violent dysregulatations. Just imagine if you had kids with this woman. Is that something you would want to subject an innocent child to? I used to feel really bad for our dogs, there faces would get so sad when she would rage. Write down the horrible things she did to you, which will be hard, and when you forget those things and only remember and long for the "good times" whip that paper out and slap yourself back into reality. I wish I could tell you I have found someone else and have totally moved on, but I haven't. But I know that I will never subject myself to or tolerate being violently abused like that. Don't give up. You sound like a really good man and the world is currently at a shortage.