School

[raytamtay3]

So I met with the child study team in hopes that I could get my daughter homebound instruction because she is refusing to go to school and I need to protect myself from not only losing my job, but charges against me for her being truant. Long story short, they have to conduct the usual evaluations which she needs to be in school for.  So I talked DD into giving it at least 2 weeks so that they can do the testing. Trying to buy time really.  What am I going to do if after two weeks they decide that she isn't a candidate for homebound instruction and she refuses to go to school? Has anyone ran in to such a problem and if so, how did you handle it?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bpdteensmom]

Hi... I wish I had solutions on this one... if you come up with any... share! I have a 16yo boy and school is a huge struggle.  He's bright, he does well when he wants to but last year it all came to a head... he ended up in a day program for several weeks in October which meant he missed work... because he made the people running the program believe he didn't have any work to do, despite the fact that the school sent all kinds of work with him. You can imagine how overwhelming it must have been when he returned, didn't know the material an couldn't possibly begin to catch up.  We did everything in our power to make it easy for him as did the school and teachers.  He ended up in an overnight program in December for a week.  We warned them about the work, told them he had some to do and that he'd insist to them that he didn't and to consult us.  Well guess how that went? yep... still no work done. Back to school... tested for an IEP... too smart, they wouldn't put him on one. They put him on a 504 plan and really it just gave him more doors to open to avoid doing any work.  Ended up failing and dropping several classes.  With one week of school left he convinced the assistant principal that he needed to leave the school, or she needed to have these other two boys leave or he'd hurt them.  So, he got to get out of school a week earlier than everyone else.  It's been an uphill battle with the school and with him.  School started back up again today, and he already has started with saying he needs to have 1:1 instruction, can't do classroom scenarios, is going to fail out for the year. Tomorrow he goes in at the regular time, and all summer getting him out of bed has been a nightmare.  He's been staying up til all hours and raiding the kitchen all night long... I found out today he didn't eat breakfast this morning or lunch at school... came home and had 7 hot dogs.  Not eating can't be helping the moods.  Now hes getting rides to school from friends and I know it's an open invitation to blow it off.  I don't trust the school to tell me when he's not going.  He doesn't qualify for a different kind of school (there is a school nearby that takes kids with behavioral issues that would be perfect) because he needs to be on an IEP.  I don't know the answers... but delaying til you can figure out a better way might be the way to go.  Can anyone from the special ed dept. come to the house and administer the evaluations? Can you contact the superintendent and get some help that way? Hang in there and keep us posted!

[vivekananda]

Hi you two!

There are parents here who have had experience of these things. I hope they can offer you some advice. It is such a difficult situation, I am sorry I can't help.

Vivek      

[raytamtay3]

I'm shocked. I just received a call from my daughter's school counselor that she was approved for homebound instruction. Many emotions I'm groing through right now. 1. Sorrow. They must really feel my daughter is so bad in school that they don't want her there. 2. Joy. Because now I don't have to constantly worry I'm going to receive a call from school every day that she is being suspended.  I'm hoping and praying this is a good thing for my daughter too. Maybe now she will get a proper education instead of focusing and honing in on peer issues that she doesn't focus on school.

I guess I should be grateful this went through so fast. We didn't even get to the evaluation part of the special education process. She was due to start school tomorrow and I just now received the call she was approved.

Mixed bag of emotions. Pretty much just sad it turned out this way.  :'(

[griz]

raytamtay3:  I can understand the mixed bag of emotions that you are feeling, but my experience with this is that it was a life saver.  School was a terrible trigger for my DD.  I suffered two years of the constant phone calls to pick her up from school, having to leave work to go get her.  Every morning getting her out of bed was a struggle.  In the first year she was assigned an IEP and most of the teachers tried to work with us, however the problem was not the work or her ability it was just SCHOOL.  Once we started home instruction things were much better.  I think the first difference it made was it lifted that horrible cloud of, "what will today be like", "will she get up for school", "will she stay in school", "will they be calling my office" off my and dh's shoulders.  It took the tension down significantly for all of us.  It also removed DD from just a triggering situation and she no longer had to deal with the peer issues that surrounded her.  If I may give you so pointers that really helped us,  I hope you don't mind.

-The first thing I did was speak to the tutors individually before they met DD.  I made sure they understood that her education was most important to me and that I expected her to learn and do work. 

-The next thing I did was make sure I had a tutor each day that could come in the morning.  This wasn't going to be a free pass for her to sleep till 11am, so I scheduled a tutor everyday for 9am the latest.

-My DDs home instruction only provided for 2hrs, one day a week in each subject.  Many of these tutors are looking to make extra money so I privately asked them if they would be willing to give me an extra day at my expense.  I was able to get a few who were pretty inexpensive and if they could't I explained to them that money was very tight with our medical expenses and they had teacher they knew get in touch with me.  In the end DD had 2 tutors, twice a day.

-I also encouraged the tutors to give her projects or papers to work on above and beyone what the school assigned.

-And I also encouraged her to show her work to me and praised her for how well she was doing.

Do not think of homebound instruction as your daughter being so bad that they don't want her there, think of it as the way she needs to learn for right now.  You would not feel this way if she was physically unable to attend... . It really is the same thing.  Try to think of it also from your DD's perspective.  I saw my DD's mood lighten significantly once this was in place... . and it makes sens.  Can you imagine going to bed every night knowing that before you know if you will have to get up and go to a place that makes you so uncomfortable you can hardly stand it,  knowing that when you get there other kids will laugh at you or make you feel unwanted, knowing that when you walk in the hall people are staring at  you and then knowing when you can';t take it anymore and you walk out, or call home that you have let everyone down and everyone will be angry with you.  This is how I saw my DD's days at school. 

I hope this goes well for you... . I believe it will.

Griz

[griz]

BPDteensmom:  I wanted to  mention to you that you should not let the school tell you he cannot get an IEP because he is to smart.  Level of intelligence has nothing to do with an IEP.  My DD is extremely bright and was in all advanced and AP classes and was given an IEP.  Her IEP was assigned for mental and emotional reasons.  I worked together with our SEd department and one of the things I learned was that very often parents don't want to hear that their child has a mental illness or emotional issues so schools are very tentative about suggesting this route for an IEP.  All that is really needed besides testing which is mandatory is letters from either therapist, psychiatrist or both suggesting the best route for educating the child and what their current needs are.

Griz

[raytamtay3]

Thanks Griz. You are right. I'm still struggling with what someone told me on here the other day about letting go of what I thought or hoped my daughter would be. Or something like that. But I very relieved to not have to worry about the daily struggles of getting her up and out and her staying through the day in school.

They are offering us two choices for the home instruction. She can either do online or have a tutor come out. The ladder would require a parent to be home. So that wouldn't occur until 6:00 PM. And the former, we don't have internet access because we don't want DD on facebook.  I don't know what's the lesser of the two evils. Having her do nothing all day until 6, or risking her not paying attention or doing the work on the internet.

[griz]

ray:  It does not require a parent to be home,  just an adult.  Is there a family member who could come.  We had my mom come twice a week and then I had someone come from an advocacy center twice a week. 

Also, you don't have to let go of what you thought or hoped your daughter might be.  In the beginning I thought that was what I needed to do however I realized that I didn't have to let go of that dream, just maybe understand the path to getting there might not be the one I envisioned.  You may have to let go of what you thought she should be right now.

We have a friend, a very close friend of myDD's , who was very bright right from Kindergarten.  He spoke well, came from very educated parents, was brilliant and a wonderful little boy.  Enter Middle School,  he decided to let the world know that he was gay, a fact that other kids weren't ready to deal with.  They made his life miserable.  His life spiraled down hill.  Couldn't go to school, multiple piercings, wild hair color, alcohol, drugs, crazy relationships and more.  Diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar disorder in 11th grade.  His life had spun so far out of control that he left school.  Finally he agreed to go to a residential treatment facility that treats both his mental illnesses and his addiction.  That was over a year ago.  Today he is in college, doing what he loves.  He is a true artist.  His life is very together and he is moving forward.  I know this wasn't the path that his parents wanted him to take but they never lost hope and in the end the destination was the same.

Hope this helps.

Griz

[lovesjazz]

Could she have her tutoring at the local library and have the facebook blocked out?

[griz]

lovesjazz:  Yes, I forgot that was another option they gave us, was having DD go to the library for tutoring.  The school SW also offered to see if she could speak to the director and have DD do a little volunteer work while she was there.

Griz

[raytamtay3]

The next challenge would be getting her there. They don't open until 9 and I leave for work at 7:30.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[raytamtay3]

We have nobody who can get her there (family or friends)

[lbjnltx]

Check your school's charter.  A public school is required to provide transportation to and from non traditional educational facilities.

[raytamtay3]

Check your school's charter.  A public school is required to provide transportation to and from non traditional educational facilities.

Ok - cool. Thanks!

[bpdteensmom]

Thanks Griz.  They were well aware of his mental and emotional issues and even extended the evaluation period.  He actually was able to get more accommodations at the public school on a 504 than he would have on an IEP.  He was at least able to have a study with a tutor every day, and that was a huge help.

So, day 3 at school, and we learned he skipped school today.  Was out of contact with us all day and walked in the door at 8:15pm.  Seems as though he's been smoking weed.  Took his electronics away including his phone and he seriously asked why. No point in yelling and screaming at him.  Who knows if we will even be able to get him up for school tomorrow.  Just breathing...    

[vivekananda]

Just breathing...    

 

Vivek