So what would you like to get out of the relationship now? It seems like she is unavailable. I wasn't saying it was you, I was asking if there was anything that might have left you vulnerable to a person with BPD. Speaking from my own experience, I definitely let things happen too fast, I can only say that in hindsight. It is said that people with BPD Rush into relationships too quickly. People with BPD think feelings are facts. Have you done much reading in the lessons? Forgive me for not knowing much about your story. It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I'm sorry.
I wanted a relationship... she would tell me so many times that she was not ready for one or she did not want to have to make time to plan if we wanted to do things together... she was always saying she had dreams about me cheating on her and I told her I never would do that and to stop thinking those thoughts... she would hold my hand and say I love you but don't say it back to me... She told me you are the only one I want to be with and to have a family with... and the same night we met up she talked about getting a apartment for us a 2 bedroom which was odd since that's very expensive in NYC.
I've did countless searching on BPD at least 3 months now and I have the walking on eggshells book to read, I just don't understand why and how... .it was like she was just stringing guys along until this guy came free... each time I see the picture of the two of them my skin gets hot and I feel like I'm going to go in a rage.
So may I ask what the nature of the relationship is now? Do you see each other or talk on the phone?
right now no...
but she has a gift she has of mine last I know of she wanted to mail it to me when I asked but then it changed to me wanting to come pick it up... now I'm sure it's going to be mail again... I do notice when she gets rid of a guy she ends up calling me or texting me... That's how I know things are not going well and I feel she does that to use me as a ego boost but not to be in a relationship with me.
So this is the watch she got you for your birthday I take it? You still haven't got it? Seems like bait now... .carrot on a stick?
Just came back from getting the watch... OK i knew she was going to get a little cranky but I did it anyways and I knew she would try and stall again but I pressed anyways... here is how the convo went... sorry my part is all jumbled... I was trying to do traffic plus type a few bits at a time... her wording is very very interesting... more so when I did not respond right back away and when i brought up stuff she said while holding my hand. When she came to the car she was going to sit but she knew she would fall asleep... we talked for a small bit and she watched me put the watch on and it really does look nice $275
So the text convo went like this...
Me: You working today? Just wondering if I can swing by to pick up my gift I don't get off work at Dooney until around 5 today
Her:Ok
Her:Of course I'm working
Me:Ok
Her:You can come after I get home if I'm not home I'll tell my mom to bring it down for you
Me:Ok feels a little funny I never met your mom before and now I might see her same with your cousin and sister
Her:
yeah
Her:I have a dinner date with my boyfriend so I won't be able to
Her:I'll let u know
Me:Oh I see interesting... .
Her:What's interesting?
Her:?
Me:Hold on I'm outside directing traffic
Me:Ok I'm on a little break right now it's interesting because how you told me you were not looking for a relationship right now because you did not want to have to always plan on making time to go out it seems like that's no problem now it seems
Her:Different people brings different emotions I guess
Me:I'm not too sure about that
Me:But hey what do I know
Her:Uhm
Her:Mike I fold u you were never my type correct I told u to go on with your life get a girl have fun you're young. I wasn't looking for a relationship until I found a guy i really liked and he changed my whole perspective in dating and relationships trust me we argue because he knows I'm not ready for a relationship yet he helps me out thru my anxieties and worries.
Me:Nah I think you were playing his all along you kept talking sex and stuff but it was always your period or if I wasn't on my period I'd have sex with you it got to the point when you said that I know it would be something about your period I think it's crazy you had met the guy and buy you stuff and figure I'm good and then you Say you love him after a few weeks... Now the part on November 28th we went for lunch which I think was a slap in the face you grabbed my hand when really I did not expect you to do anything you were ready to bolt when I talked about having to go to the hotel to check in but when I did you tried to bait me by saying we should have sex then of course you said you were just coming off your period I wish I got $5 for each time you said that lets not forget all the other stuff you said how i was the only guy you wanted to have kids with I could go on and on... .I think it's a true slap in the face, you assumed I was having a female over I did not I wanted my time alone to relax and still then I had family bugging me... .I'm just really shocked and hurt more than anything else I felt like all those moments went to waste
Her:Jesus !
Me:That's his name!
Her:I never said I love him I clearly put he ❣ me that doesn't mean I love him or he loves me the same day I posted a picture was the same day he asked me out we use to talk before even before I meet you I wasn't interested in him he recently contacted me n I just gave him a chance n yes we went out to have fun but it was because you did all those things for me on my birthday and it'll only be fair I'll return the favor. Idc what u do in your personal life u can go out all u want have fun be alone that's not my business and the fact that I want to have your child doesn't mean I want to be with you and yes I mean that. Mike if I bring so much hurt to your life just delete me from everywhere and don't contact me again. If you really love me you'll let me be happy
Me:You don't bring hurt in my life and I still love you no matter what and I want you to be happy I enjoy when we just talk and have fun I just don't want you push me away I could not think of a more wonderful person to be a mother of my children yeah I know I did not set boundaries in the beginning yeah I have to learn from that and seeing you smile is one of the things that truly means the world to me
Me:Please don't be upset ok?
Her:I'm not upset mike as a friend you deserve better
Me:Yeah but don't devalue yourself like that I think you are an awesome amazing friend/person I would not ever think of you in a bad way like you said on the 28th lets me friends so we will be friends point blank whatever happens happens you mean the world to me and I'm not going to let our friendship go to waste
Her:Okay
Her:I'm really happy mike
Her:Are you coming to pick up your gift tonight?
Me:If it's possible
Her:Ok
Me:What time should I come?
Me:If you said something I did not hear you because my phone was not switched to Bluetooth
Her:I was getting on the train I'm On my way home super tired
Me:Ok
Me:See you at the house
Her:What ?
Me:You asked me if I was coming tonight to pick the gift up and I said yes
Her:Ok
Her:But listen
Her:You come whenever u need to come to NY.
Me:What's that mean?
Me:Don't waste gas just to pick something up
Me:I'm not wasting gas
Her:Ok
Her:Just know I'm going to bed early
Me:You know I'm not that far
Her:I'm eating something then out to take a shower n bed
Her:I'm sure you still will be up
Her:R u on your way ?
Her:I'm going to bed now